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Hate when mutuals reblog polls for a fandom I’ve never heard of and don’t put in the tags who they voted for. My leige how am I supposed to help rig the results in your favor?? 🥺

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It turns out that the lich the adventurers had been hired to slay had never actually killed anyone before until the impulsive paladin of the group swung first. Now, as the healer tries to revive them, the rest have to calm the ancient undead mage down from what is undeniably a panic attack.

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I draw porn but not any of that sick nasty perverted sicko misogynist fetish porn made by and for disgusting sicknasty pervert men my porn is so cute and wholesome and feminist and queer and liberated trust me it's not even porn it's erotica my erotica is a pure honest true expression of human passions and emotions and the pure chaste passions of feminist lesbian wombyns trust me you'll love it it's so liberating see for yourself *hands you a drawing of Snufkin sucking his own penis*

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Interesting interaction on Facebook today.

In one of my quilt groups a member posted some pictures of how she made ruffled aprons for her granddaughters, and then was stumped on what to make for her grandsons. Oh, she thought, custom pillows!

Gentle reader, I saw red. The backstory here is that quilters are overwhelmingly white retired women, and they (or at least the ones who join FB quilting groups) tend to have some VERY old-fashioned views on men and women and girls and boys. (Lots of posts like "what ideas do you have for boy quilts?" and the comments will be full of pictures of quilts with tractors on them.) So I thought, I guess the message here is that girls are supposed to be working in the kitchen while the boys lounge around on their fancy pillows waiting to be served. I was ready to let her have it in the comments and risk getting booted from the group. But first I looked in the comments to see how the post was being received.

I was blown away by the comments. Comment after comment saying things like, "those are lovely, I make aprons for all my grandsons and they love to wear them when they help out in the kitchen!" "I made custom aprons for all my sons, and then more for their sons when they got old enough! They all love them!"

Then, after all these comments, here comes OP with one of her own: "I think next year I'll make custom pillows for my granddaughters and ruffled aprons for my grandsons." My comment: "That's a great idea!"

Sometimes people surprise you.

And sometimes people just need a little nudge, not a flamethrower.

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the world is a mess but at least we still have cunnilingus and spicy curry

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*exports you as a jpeg* *and turns the quality waaaaay down*

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Several years ago I briefly worked in the warehouse of a nondescript extremely large e-commerce company. I had no other options for employment but desperately needed money. Turnover was like 150%. I worked from something like 7pm to 5am, my commute was 50 minutes each way and before I got paid I didn’t even have the cash for enough gas to get home one night and had to bum $10 off of my kid sibling (this is all to give you an idea of my abysmal mental state while employed here.) You’re not allowed to do anything besides your job, no music or anything and they track your movement on cameras so you can’t even take a breather. The job is real monotonous, you get sent boxes of items of random sizes and you have to put the items into shelves of varying sizes and the shelves come to you, you don’t walk to them. Because the company tracks the rate at which you put items on these shelves, many small items are desirable because you can put a lot of them in quickly. Everything about the place seems almost designed intentionally to break you mentally and turn you into a robot. So I’m about 6 or 7 hours into my shift, feeling on the verge of a mental collapse, and up comes a container with a bunch of small white boxes, bout half the size of a deck of cards. No labels. Great, I’m already happy about whatever these things are. So I go to scan them in, and it gives you the name of the item and a little picture. Sasuke Penis Costume. What? Sasuke Penis Costume. A picture of that red cloud robe from Naruto and one of the headbands with the metal plate on it. I’m thinking, there’s no way. What is a penis costume? Am I hallucinating this? And there’s so many of them, literally about a hundred, and I know I’m going to be spending at least an hour with Sasuke Penis Costume, there’s so many and they’re so small, I’m already excited about the potential efficiency of these, and then I see it’s Sasuke Penis Costume? So the entire shift I’m like, trying to not put these things away too quick, because honestly I’m starting to build a kind of kinship with them. This is quite literally the most exciting thing to happen to me during my whole 2 week employment at the warehouse. I started to see Sasuke Penis Costume as a friend, some reminder of the outside world, a reminder of the humanity I was becoming so unfamiliar with, a reminder the world contained comedy, art, anime, and penis. I really couldn’t tell you if I ended up putting all of them away, the last thing I remember is my desperate need to look these items up when I got home. I needed a link to send to my friends for when I told them this riveting story. I learned that the costume is called the Akatsuki cloak in my fervent search for the item, and wouldn’t you know it, absolutely zero trace of these things exists online. Not on the e-commerce website, not on any specialized penis-costume websites (whose existence I was not privvy to prior to this incident) and no third-party retailer has these. Not even Google images will show me the hypothetical existence of Sasuke Penis Costume. Every few months I look it up, trying to find evidence that it can be bought, that any of this was ever real. My bond, my friendship, and dare I say even love for Sasuke Penis Costume feels as tangible as the boxes they came in, and yet the universe will give me no closure of their fate. Less and less frequently I search for them, each time becoming more and more discouraged that I will ever find them, but unlike their substance on this earth, one thing is inarguably certain. Sasuke Penis Costume exists to me, and it will live on firmly and resolutely within my memory and within my heart.

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Can you draw danny devito as a cute wolf boy?

this made me hurl my body into the ground at 90 mph

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teen wolf didn't make stiles a werewolf because they knew he would be finding increasingly absurd ways around all the absurd Werewolf Rules. some bad guy tries to trap him in a circle of mountain ash and he reveals he's been carrying one of these bad boys in his backpack for months

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Hahaha

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I recently got an on-campus job. During the interview process, I requested that I not be scheduled on Friday nights or Saturdays as I am a Jewish student.

My boss immeadiately brightened and rushed to explain - "Of course ! Of course! We want to accomodate you! We have another worker who takes off for Ramadan. Do you need to take off for Ramadan?"

I shook my head, incredibly confused. "Uh. That's. Not my jurisdiction. I'm good." Boss nodded but was sure to add "Let me know if that ever changes. We can help you with Ramadan."

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Slaves who escaped were breaking the law. Literally. Outright.

Jewish people who escaped the Nazis were breaking the law. Literally. Outright.

The law is a horrible judge of morality.

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Elf: Hi. Stupid question. Is it true that you guys live in trees?

Human: What? No. We live in buildings on the ground. I thought elves lived in trees.

Elf: We also live in buildings on the ground. What?

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tumblr needs a hug button. sometimes you wanna just give a mutual a hug