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I’m going through the Old Testament and I’m going to rank all the men according to the PUA spectrum of maleness

God - Alpha, he’s the big cheese, the main man, everyone wants a slice of that pizza pie

Adam - Alpha, hey he’s naming everyone and he gets to sample the first sliz ever. nice

Cain - Alpha, the gardening nearly makes him a beta but he brings it all back by murdering the fuck out of….

Abel - Beta. Sure he’s a shepherd and that’s a rough job but uh, you got killed mate,

Noah - Omega . henpecked. the only guy god chose to keep around because he wasn’t sinning. wow, get a spine noah

Abraham - Beta, was going to kill his only son, uh nice, where do you keep your tampons

Isaac - Omega, the worst of the patriarchs, didn’t even leave canaan, didn’t change his name. 

Jacob - Alpha, tricks his idiot dad into giving him the birthright, fights an angel, changes his name to Israel, still causing a ruckus 3000 years later

Joseph - Beta, although he does have a PUA-approved coat, he gets sold into slavery and then doesn’t even fuck pharoah’s wife. dude what is your problem

Moses - Alpha, kills a slave driver, talks to a bush that’s on fire, delivers plagues, makes everyone drink gold. writes a book about himself where he says he’s the “Humblest man who ever lived”

David - Alpha, kills a giant when he was a boy, sends a man off to die because he gets hard for his wife, gets a little gay with jonathan but he gets a pass

Solomon - Beta, can’t get a woman to convert to his religion, did build a very peacocky temple though.

Job - Omega, literally gets COVERED IN FESTERING BOILS and still doesn’t stand up for himself. Get a new religion when that stuff starts happening pal

Daniel - Alpha, lions, dens, need I go on?

Jonah - Beta, you gotta admire him standing up to god, but swallowed by a fish? uh, paging dr freud!

Jesus - Alpha, he changed the game dog. Changed the fucking game. He died for our sins so that we may join him in the kingdom of heaven. give your life to the son of god today

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he fucking just

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@introspectiveillumination

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@introspectiveillumination

When will he learn he can’t squeeze the water bottles? When?

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@introspectiveillumination

Gravity Falls creatures as Silent Hill monsters Batch 1

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Keep talking like that and you gon' get voted off the island too, Ramyeol

you better run chanyeol

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The Signs As Girlfriends

Aries: She’ll make fun of your quirks but secretly fucking adores them, she’ll stick by you through thick and thin but will give you a kick up the ass if you need it. If you’re not giving her enough attention/affection, trust me she will let you know. Like Aries boyfriends can get jealous easily but is less confrontational about it (you’ll know by her face and eyes)

Taurus: She’ll picture you’s two together in the future if you guys are committed. She takes commitment really seriously so if you get it you lucky bruh. She likes sensual things like food and massages but it could literally be as simple as a bag of chips and a back rub. If you promiseher your love you better mean it because she can get hella jealous and possessive. 

Gemini: Much like Gemini boyfriends, the girlfriends can be super extroverted in their relationship, she will talk the ears off anyone who asks about you. She’ll be witty and sarcastic with you but in a charming manner and she’ll do things to get a reaction (for example, run off your phone). When it comes to emotions she wont like getting too deep and will probably try and talk her way out of the subject.

Cancer: She thinks A LOT and might worry a lot about the relationship cause she doesn’t want to fuck up so you might need to reassure her a good bit. She can get emotionally jealous and possessive sometimes but only cause her mind can trip her up a bit. She has such a lovely smile that’s simply contagious and she can make you feel so fucking safe and cared for, like she will always be there when you need to talk no matter what time it is. Great sense of humour (blushes at dirty jokes but secretly she fucking creates them lmao)

Leo: She’s the type that’ll make you look at life with excitement. Like a child she finds beauty and happiness in the simplest of things. She’s the type that will dance with you in the back garden at 2am with sparklers. Her laughter is infectious and she loooooooves to tease omg but she knows when you need affection and she’ll give it to you without hesitation. She’ll love to show you off as well like omg ‘’This is my partner and they’re the best person ever like look at this lil shit”

Virgo: SARCASTIC. AS. FUCK. Intellect is a big thing with this sign, if you’re boring her good luck getting some. She loves to be witty and smart assed around you. She’s not very touchy feely but will melt into hugs. She won’t always express her feelings, if you compliment her she’ll probably brush it off nonchalantly or make a witty comment but trust me she appreciates it and you probably just made her tummy do the spinny thing. If you ever get the chance to get into an emotional conversation with her cherish it cause they’re not very common.

Libra: She’ll watch rom coms and give out to you because you don’t do those things for her and then you’ll do them and she’ll be like “Ew cringeeee” but she’ll appreciate it a lot. She’s witty but doesn’t really use it unless she’s pissed off. She’s really caring and also really fair, you have to meet her halfway or she’s not gonna bother with you lol. She’d walk through hell to make you happy if she really cares about you but if you cross her she’ll walk back through hell to make sure karma kicks you in the face

Scorpio: In public she’s soo chill (think Rosa from Brooklyn nine-nine). She’s neither overly affectionate or completely affection-less, she’ll hold your hand and stuff. When it’s just you’s two, she can be really giggly and soooooo dirty minded whether you know about it or not omg. She’ll listen to your problems and try to help you through it. Look after her feelings tho, even though she might not show them, she feels deeply. Oh and if you ever want to slash someones tires she’s your girl. 

Sagittarius: She’s the type to romanticise travelling, and she does it so well. Whether she wants to travel the world with you or just 5 miles, she loves to make plans. As a fire sign, she’ll be really fiery when she flirts, she could probably bring you to your knees tbh. She takes NO shit whatsoever so don’t even try to play her. She likes when you two play as a team rather than. She can get bored easily and needs to be occupied.

Capricorn: She’ll probably be hella quiet until you two get close enough for her to trust you with her personality. Not into public displays of affection and likes to keep relationships low key cause they know that people can be assholes. She’s like a living meme generator tbh and has suuuccch a dirty mind omg. Like Cap boyfriends, they keep so much heartbreaking stuff to themselves and rarely ever open up so if they open up to you feel blessed son.

Aquarius: Think of every eccentric disney female character. That is an Aqua girlfriend to a certain extent (depending on their moon). She will ferociously twerk to untwerkable songs and it’ll work??? like idk how it just does. She always tries to make the best of a bad situation and she’ll do the same with your problems. She’ll try to help you grow and develop mentally. She’ll be the one to text you at 3 am like “Babe do you think aliens are real?”. She’ll make really good jokes too (some can be offensive but not intentionally)

Pisces: She can be so aloof and sometimes she won’t actually hear what you’re saying because she’s too busy admiring you, she will love you whole heartedly. She’s so emotionally intelligent and can always tell when there’s something wrong with you SO DONT DENY IT because you will frustrate her and she can get nasty when frustrated. She’ll sit with you and talk about dreams and aspirations and she’ll be the one to encourage you to do whatever makes you happy. Don’t try to take advantage of her because she will know and you will pay.

*CHECK YOUR VENUS/MOON SIGNS TOO

Also if you guys want me to do an extended version of the signs in relationships let me know because I could totally do that :)

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Speedpainting 0746

sailor fuku nitori~

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May our fates intertwine.

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Pulling a toy soooo hard