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i speak french in public to my grandparents and to my boyfriend. people are surprised that im bilingual and say its cool and ask me to teach them some time

but when one of my classmates speaks arabic in public to her family, she gets strange and disgusted looks. no one asks to be taught arabic. no one says its cool that shes bilingual

its racism plain and simple

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Andy Samberg Shares His Rejected Golden Globes Jokes

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Tavern by Benjamin Masi

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Andy Samberg Shares His Rejected Golden Globes Jokes

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My semi-zombie sorcerer clown wearing my interpretation of mage armor for him

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I disturbed his nap

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She’s so beautiful it pisses me off like why do you have to be so precious you motherfucker

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This needs to be the universal standard

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Congrats to everyone on the Spidey team! It was an honor to work on this amazing project alongside you. Anyone can wear the mask, and we proved it last night!! .

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straight dude: what if my d&d character was like really violently homophobic. not because i am but like it would be dark and edgy

me: (internally) oscar wilde was right

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Thanos + yeeting people

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It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and “smooth it out.”

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Meeting a celebrity

Me: *hands them a piece of paper*

Them: Who should I make it out to?

Me: oh, haha, no, that's not for you to autograph. That's the URL to my amazon wishlist, alright, bye.

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Dresses