pancreatically-challenged

[pancreatically-challenged]

being a female means needing to see 10 different doctors to get a proper diagnosis because they always think you’re exaggerating and/or lying

[pancreatically-challenged]

"Bad Diabetics"

I have some friends in the health care industry, as well as meeting people in social settings (everyone from EMTs to nurses and general practitioners) who have used this term. I often hear them say “… But I only see the BAD diabetics.” Let me drop a knowledge bomb on you… I’m generally what you would call a good diabetic. I count carbs, I frequently work with my endocrinologist to adjust my doses as my body changes, I have a “good” A1c, I don’t have hypo unawareness, I am lucky enough to have access to (and ability to afford) a pump and a continuous glucose monitor, I exercise regularly, have access to an online support community, an endo who lets me pad my prescription needs a bit so I always have some backup supplies, and I even use ketone sticks regularly when I feel bad.

And yet I STILL have days where if I needed to go to the hospital or (God forbid) spoke openly about my struggles, symptoms, and frustrations I would be labeled a “bad” diabetic.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? I have all the tools, I have decent insurance, I have an employer and friends who at least try to have empathy. And I still can’t get this shit right. You are going to have the audacity to look down on your patients because they’re not perfect?

Did I say that loud enough? I HAVE ALL THE TOOLS AND I CAN’T EVEN GET THIS RIGHT. I don’t have children, I’m not struggling pay check check to pay check, I don’t have to hide my disease out of fear of being teased, I don’t have a ton of other illnesses, I don’t have to take the bus everywhere, or an inability to access the internet, and I am literate … and I STILL CAN’T GET THIS SHIT RIGHT.

True facts guys - we have an organ that doesn’t work. We literally have to try and manually imitate a biological function of our bodies. I can eat the same things, and take the same doses of insulin for an entire week and get different results every. single. day. There is no “figuring it out.” You think about this shit 24/7 and try to stay ahead of it, and STILL FAIL.

And you’re going to honestly belittle people who don’t have the time, or emotional or physical energy (or money!!!) to do that constantly?

It can take under 15 minutes and only one little mistake that could send you to the hospital. That’s it. Often when we come into contact with these people are times when we need help. Times when we are literally dependant on this care, knowledge, and empathy. We get shit on, and joked at, misunderstood, and belittled every day. By friends, family, the media, movies, and the wonderful collective “internet.” We don’t need this from you.

I know any medical profession is really hard. I get that, and I appreciate every single one of you… But have a little fucking empathy, man. This shit is hard. We DO NOT need this from you, too. Don’t make us defend our self care to you in a time of need, and don’t make us feel like we’re not deserving of your time and care because we’re a “bad” diabetic.

[pancreatically-challenged]

Diaversary cookies!

[pancreatically-challenged]

So a funnel cloud has been spotted near me and bad weather is in the forecast. I'm gathering up an emergency bag just in case. It's even more nerve racking in a storm as a diabetic.

[pancreatically-challenged]

This is always the best feeling

[pancreatically-challenged]

I feel like I have a test strip radar! I think this one may be mine but I have found test strips on the sidewalk in NYC in the Walmart parking lot.. They're everywhere!

[pancreatically-challenged]

Diabetes probs

[pancreatically-challenged]

before putting a pump site in my butt: this is such a great idea. i need to give the rest of my skin a break. there is all this subcutaneous fat i could be using right here on my badonkadonk. i'm basically a genius

after putting a pump site in my butt: THIS IS LITERALLY SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS

[pancreatically-challenged]

I was wearing this outfit today to a grocery store when I made a baby smile. I was wearing this outfit today when I threw my head back and laughed, when I sang in the car with my family, when I filled it with yummy food to keep it healthy.

I was wearing this outfit today to a grocery store when I overheard a woman telling her young daughter who was pointing and laughing that I would get what’s coming to me. I was wearing this outfit today when a woman told a man that it was the wrong kind of attention and that I was asking for someone to get me. I was wearing this outfit today when the same man stared at my body longingly and then agreed with the woman that I was asking for an attack.

I was not wearing this outfit when I was raped. I was wearing a size XXL hoodie and a pair of my mom’s sweatpants, much to the shock of the friend I told after, who asked what she’d been taught to ask: “What were you wearing?”. I feel so terrible for the little girl whose mother was teaching her at the grocery store that she deserved to be assaulted if she dressed comfortably for the weather, which was climbing above 80 degrees, or for an injury, which called for a brace and a boot that doesn’t allow room for long pants, or for her body, because it’s hers and she can put on it what she damn well pleases. I feel terrible for the man who will look me up and down as though I was a 5 for $20 steak deal he might purchase and will immediately after speak to a presumable stranger about the violent fate I deserved. I feel terrible for the woman with fabulous hair who feels she can express herself but refuses to let me do the same.

Summer is coming up. It’s hot outside. I have an injured ankle, and a tight boot and brace to wear on one leg. I will not dress uncomfortably to protect complete strangers who are so offended by an expanse of skin that they console themselves by predicting my next rape.

Stop perpetuating slut-shaming and thus perpetuating a culture of excused rape. Stop perpetuating slut-shaming and thus perpetuating a culture of insecurity, inherent shame, and body image distortion which can cause an innumerable amount of incredibly dark issues nearly impossible to overcome.

My body is mine, and I love it. It is the house I live in, with which I will someday create a family, with which I run and dance and hold the strong lungs I use to sing. I refuse to be ashamed of it for any reason, especially the reason being that this culture which glorifies sex and punishes those who have it, which encourages being sexy and then preaches that sexy girls ask for attack, has taught its people that my stomach is a sin.

Please think twice this summer before you choose to say anything at all to or about anyone who wears something they choose to wear. Please think twice before you say that a girl deserves to be raped for wearing shorts. Please try and catch yourself when you think things like that. Please be courteous and gentle and loving, and spend your effort tackling real problems. My stomach and legs are not a real problem.

[pancreatically-challenged]

Reblog if you have a sucky pancreas

[pancreatically-challenged]

HEY! 😛

If you are diabetic I want you to like and reblog this!

Lets get every diabetic on tumblr to reblog this because we are awesome.

Ready.. GO! 🎉👍

[pancreatically-challenged]

I'm inviting all of you to a diabetic party

Reblog if you are coming there will be cake

[pancreatically-challenged]

New pump skin coming soon!! It's been way over a year with Rose!

[pancreatically-challenged]

What I keep trying to remember when I get disappointing numbers...

[pancreatically-challenged]

Been a year since my diagnosis 💉🔵 #t1d #teststrips #teststripart #diabetes #diabetic #diabadass #diabeticgirl #oneyear

[pancreatically-challenged]

I’m inexplicably angry about having to wear and use all these medical devices, so I try to remember that the things I hate, these things are keeping me alive. But I resent it all anyway and I’m unhappy. What’s the point of trying to keep myself alive if I’m not Happy? Am I just supposed to keep waiting until I’m psychologically fine with being chronically ill?? I don’t know if this is just because I’m still young, or haven’t come to terms with my illness, or if I just really want my body back from this disease or what… But I hope that in not giving up, I’m opening up the possibility of better, happier days when I won’t mind being a cyborg so much.

t1d has stolen my body