pacificallrisk

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NATALIE PORTMAN as PADMÉ AMIDALA STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005)

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My mind wants to imagine us together. It wants to pretend. But these fantasies are as close as I'll come to holding you. I can't let myself believe. I can't get my hopes up. You couldn't really want me, could you?

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The rejection is to be determined. She didn't say no, just not this weekend. Gives me hope she might say yes later, but I really can''t envision that happening. I'm sure next time I ask she will give a definitive "no" and cut the string I'm dangling from. Until then, at least I can pretend I'm human (and not poison). I get to lie to myself for a little bit longer.

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Here's to rejection and another woman who's going to resent me for being interested.

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Jenna's birthday was two days ago, but I thought it was yesterday when I sent her a happy bday text. I knew she wouldn't reply anyway, but I wish I had remembered the correct date. Normally, it's the thought that counts. That's just a lie I tell myself. Actually I was hoping my text would get lost in the mix of her other birthday wishes. But since it wasn't, since it stands alone, I can only imagine what she thought when reading it. Or did she dispose of it without a thought? I'm always so easily disposed of.

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In another life we sit across from each other at the kitchen table and go over the grocery list.

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yearning for something that i may never acquire but i want it anyway

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What hurts is the fact that you shared your soul with them just to be strangers again.

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I have this mental block when I think of Jenna. I can't see her face. Just the outline if it. Like a silhouette. But tonight I see her clearly. So are my memories of her.

I miss her. One of the last things she told me was she cares about me. I wish that were true.

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I tried to make a friend.

Why did I even think I should try?

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are they easier to love than i was, or am i just incapable of being loved?

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"Alicia might have been my best friend. Or at least the person who knew me best."

Hit Man (2024)

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— rhythmicrhinoceros

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“You are, at once, both the quiet and the confusion of my heart.”

— Franz Kafka (via goodreadss)

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"I can't keep thinking of you. It hurts too much."

Mary Jane // Spiderman 2