ourlivesinblackandwhite - Tumblr blog

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

Just you, the universe and everything in between ✨ #liveinthemoment #exploremore @theastroshake — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2vNTYXm

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

PERFECT DAY

i hope for a tropical-forest-kind-of-morning-with-cold-air-in-my-feet kinds of morning, with a flash of mist around the periphery, with a dewy feeling in my cheeks, with a cloud of ice above me, and a stone-cold tiled floor below me.

then i’ll have a coffee, a 3:1 ratio of cream and coffee, a roll of warm slice of cinnamon cake for me, and the love of my life, in front of me, making the perfect scenery.

i’ll be holding my photography portfolio. and as i sip for coffee, i’ll turn the page. it will, then, remind me of how far i’ve come, and how long i would strive to go.

sitting in front of me are my three kids, eating a fluffy pancake made out of flour, eggs and love. eating at the leftmost part of the table is my first son, with his favorite blue printed shirt. next is my only daughter, gazing upon her mother as she cooks my favorite tart. lastly, my favorite son. sitting between my lap, singing his favorite song, “could you be loved”

halfway across my book, my kids are insisting to bring them to the pool. and i will - with no hesitations. few steps away the table, i’ll hear a warm, homey voice. (oh there, that’s my wife.) telling me to take my time and keep safe. then i’ll get to see the prettiest smile that i signed up for (hehe).

then i’d bring my kids to the pool. “papa, teach us how to swim” says my bubbly daughter. again, i will. with no hesitations. i get the chance to a look at them again with a tender smile. we’ll play, like what we normally do for hours.

i’ll move 5 steps away. enjoying my time as i gaze upon the oak trees with the views of the mountain of tagaytay behind it. “papa, look at us” says my eldest boy. as i rush towards them, i told them to close their eyes. then i became a shark. with my hair spiked up and my hands in a position similar to the pointy face of the sharks.

they’ll eventually get tired, so i’ll hurry to snatch the towel and cover them speedily with the fear of them catching a cold.

we’ve finally come back to the room. my daughter would go to her mom and would ask her to change her clothes. my oldest boy would then go the balcony to enjoy the cold breeze, reminds me of how sentimental his father is. while my two children get caught up with their own worlds, my youngest son stayed at my lap.

he fell asleep in my thighs while sucking his right thumb. he’s shivering. with all of my warmth, i embraced him. i caressed his face and made him fall deeper in his sleep. oh boy, my son is so cute.

my two older children were so jealous, just like their mom so they all rushed to stay with me in the bed. then, in no time, they fell asleep too! found them shivering so curled them all in my arms. (thank God, i was big enough to fill myself up with them)

we all fell asleep, all cuddled up in my arms while i hum with my monotonous-and-out-of-tune voice. few seconds from sleeping again, i once more, i looked at them. then, i get to see the sweetest smiles i’ll probably be able to see for a lifetime.

and that’s why i’m working hard today, to give them the future that they deserve. i know that the path going there may never be easy, but for them, i would try. in order to make everyday like this, i would try

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

whenever i look at you, i see the story we should have played.

if we only just took the chance, jumped across a puddle, walk across bridges, you’ll be the morning view i would always wake up to.

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

if you would just look straight into my eye, you’ll see yourself.

you’ll realize that the oceans inside me is filled with you. that the birds in my world is all singing your name. that the cycle of life is pretty simple, just revolves around the idea of you.

if you just tried. if you just did. you’ll see how much i spent my days loving you.

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

the tenderness that once proved us one,                                 gone 

so how

in bright impermanence

this infinity?

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

I didn’t just want a moment with you, I wanted a whole lifetime. I wanted to feel your heartbeat pounding against my chest every moment of the day. I never wanted to be without you. I needed you too much. I needed you so badly that I forgot how to need myself.

Loving you was hard on me. (via ifthenightcouldtalk)

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

rain was there when my tears were slowly dripping on my cheeks - joining it as it fell on the surface of the earth - making it less saline. still, u weren't there.

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

axon

my words incessantly turning into a rope slowly caressing my neck. neatly and steadily, yep, surely. now, as i gasp for air, i feel something holding me. to my surprise and amazement, i realized that the warm hug i was enjoying is slowly killing me.

happily, it was made by me

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

AN APPLICATION FORM

i may not be much. i may not have the most dashing smile, nor the most brilliant mind. i may not have the perfect face, nor the ideal body that comes with it. i may not be that strong, nor the one who can endure anything. i may not be known for being the cool one, nor the one people look up to. i may not be the one who brings the aura of magic as i enter the room, nor the one who gets noticed when i leave.

i may not be much. i only have me, a mediocre me, who only knows how to write not the best of poems, and the not-so-good-but-enough photos. who only knows how to create paper cranes, and a star in a rubber band. who only knows how to wrinkle my face to make you smile, and try to make you feel better with the words i think that would rhyme. who only knows how to cook bacon and eggs, and make a fair tasting coffee. who knows how to make you feel good with my overused antics, and use the corniest and the most outdated pick-up lines.

but, out of all these things, out of all my deficiencies and weaknesses, i’d say it again: i may not be much. but rest assured, with all the things i can offer, you could have the best of me.

i promise not to be the best in everything, nor i promise to be perfect. the only thing that i can promise you is: i’d keep on trying, and i’d keep on learning.

FUNGUS AND LIGHTS

Location: University of Santo Tomas

October 26, 2016

Canon EOS 70D with 50mm f/1.8 STM

photo and words by renziecardinal

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

i honestly am the person who wants to make you feel that i’m secured and that i don’t want to be followed. but little did you know, that i leave marks for you to find me.

marks - noticeable if you would only pay attention.

trust me, there are clues

and i will wait for you there, there is where we should both see one another.

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

save yourself for now, meanwhile, i’d save the people you want to be saved.

don’t think about me. take this moment and disregard me.

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

we take the love we think we deserve that’s why i’d only take this part and give you that back.

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

10 minutes from death

I’ve never been the valued one, nor the one people run after to when i cry. I wasn’t the one who's normally given the amount of time that i think i deserve. i am the person that when given a cold heart, i’d still appreciate it for it is, still,  a heart. regardless of the qualities one possesses, i’d still accept it. i would still do.

I’m the kind of friend who runs after a friend whenever i get to be insensitive at times, but as i look back, i see no one whenever i’m disappointed by them. i snuck in and pretend that this vicious circle of dismay, sorrow and a tiny bit of happiness is completely fine with me. but, it’s not

i run after people when they disappoint me. i try to mend the ones who broke me. i look past one’s eye and try to forget the times i needed them, instead, break myself and use my pieces to make them feel whole, complete and satisfied. i hastily tend to people to help them - only to forget that i need fixing too.

or maybe,  i’m just busy thinking of the things i think i deserve to the point i’ve already forgotten how little i can and should really have.

i don’t know if i’m becoming selfish to ask for people to give me what the things i shouldn’t ask, but man, it has been years and change hasn’t come to make me feel better about myself. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

we, indeed, live in a sadistic world. and i hope this only happens in my story. i don’t want you to see me as i am. i want you to see me with my smiles flashing, fist rising, feet smashing, no marks of me breaking. one day, i’d stop begging, i’d stop breaking, i’d stop needing. one day, i’d learn how to be there for myself. and that sounds like a very great future to live in. however, we live in the moment of spontaneity and uncontrollability. and i must rest for now.

we’ll see.

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

question

if i split myself into million pieces, would you try to fix it? if i removed my heart and throw it, would you try to find it? if i omitted myself from the equation, would you still try to find me to solve it? if you won’t see me tomorrow, would you notice it?

since you see people’s significance when they are gone, do you want to see mine?

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

write something about me, you say. about what? i ask. about the way the stars at night reflect against your excited eyes to create a golden honey? or maybe you mean the way our bodies fit together like two lost puzzle pieces. my favorite is how you tell a story, letting your laughter do the talking. i look over, smile, and say honey, you’re already more of a poem than anyone could ever write.

j.e.b. ((an excerpt from a story i’ll never write.))

[ourlivesinblackandwhite]

He was her safe place. When she was broken, he held her tight until she felt whole again. When she was lost in her own mind, he found a way to bring her back again. When she was weak, he helped her find her strength again. When she was scared to trust any one, he proved to her that she could trust again.

He was her home. (via ifthenightcouldtalk)