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i forget jean is so tall bc in my mind he's just my baby girl

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people will act like a character being a little bit of a cunt sometimes is a flaw and not a positive trait but they are wrong

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band au

you caught me staring, but i caught you staring back

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:)

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gotta respect how in the beginning neil was so paranoid he went coocoo over nicky speaking german and slept with his face to the wall so he can put his lenses on first thing when he wakes up in case of emergency but then we he actually started receiving a fucking COUNTDOWN to (the most certainly) the day of his untimely demise he was like pheeew don’t care i just wanna do my exy thing and be kissing boys one (1) boy 🥰

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just got hit with that overwhelming love for neil josten

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joe the first time ox comes home and he smells like jessie

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tj klune really looked at ox matheson and said im gonna make him so queer and tragic and autistic

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A list of things kevin does for neil post-evermore

Wakes up on the raven schedule with him so when he waits in his dorm he isn't alone and kevin can help him figure out the time

Casually reminds neil of the time, so he knows he isnt losing time anymore

Let's neil be extra harsh on him in team practice when hes cleared play, cause none of the others would understand raven playing.

Helps ease neil back into non-nest food (I hc they had ridiculously strict diets there)

Mindlessly shares clothes & food with Neil because ravens share everything

Helps him take care of that tattoo - ensure it wouldn't get infected

Right after Neil gets back from evermore he finds himself looking over his shoulder for jean everywhere he goes and his vaguely anxious when he finds no one there. Without out saying anything kevin falls in to place right behind neil on his left side right behind him. Close enough that if neil leans back he can feels Kevin's chest and not for the first time since evermore he is grateful.

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I have nothing to say in my defense

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so Tashie just informed me that Jeremy is morally obligated to be blond unsure if being gaslit or bullied (pretty sure it's the former) had to slam the brakes on everything else to put the draft under a microscope and fix it I am so tired

unrelated, it feels a lil awkward taking inspiration from a song that was written specifically for another book, but "I Am Not Nothing" by Beth Crowley is quite lovely

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Neil Josten is absolutely fucking incredible narrator.

He has his priorities straight and does not pay attention to anything else.

Do we know Katelyn's surname? Do we know ANYTHING about her appearance? Do we know anything about the appearance of HIS MOTHER? Yeah, she was short and ... and what? And NOTHING, THAT'S IT. She was short and paranoid. I'm sure we know about his father ONLY because they were similar and Neil had a couple of breakdowns because of it.

But let him start about Andrew's fucking broad and solid shoulders-

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hc that once he feels comfortable, neil’s favorite thing is wearing (stealing) his friends’ (the foxes’) clothes. it’s like a physical anchor for him? something undeniable that says “i am loved, i am cared for, i am trusted” and most importantly “i must return”.

- he and andrew basically share clothes…. when it comes to clothing they forget who’s is who’s and accidentally wear each others’ jerseys

- matt’s mom is sentimental and has a lot of matt’s old clothes, and eventually matt brings neil home over a break and lets him thrift in his childhood wardrobe

- nicky gives him old t-shirts from bands he doesn’t listen to anymore and neil wears them as pjs

- kevin is a stylish bisexual in his early twenties so he has looots of nice jewelry of which neil picks a piece or two of to sneak every week, and Kevin lets him under the pretense of teaching neil to dress better

- renee notices that neil has no proper comfortable clothes and will always offer for him to take her sweatpants (they’re… kinda long) “for the night” but they both know she does not expect them back for a few days

- dan and neil have the same shoe size… enough said

- allison will wear a great sweater and later neil will come by to hang out in just a t-shirt and jeans… and then oh nooo he’s sooo cold…. shiver shiver complain… nooo it’s fine..oh my goood are you sure….thank you soooo much allison thank you…. (they do this dance often and no one understands why allison lets him)

- even aaron once gets sweatpants just a couple inches too long and one day neil just finds them on his desk in the dorm, flung over a pile of notes and messing up his study space, but warm and brand new

- not clothes but when neil completes his first full year with the foxes, like to the day, on the calendar one year since he came to south carolina, wymack gives neil the blanket he used when sleeping on the couch in his apartment last summer

all of this makes neil feel safer than he would admit, but they all notice and play this game. if he’s wearing dan’s sneakers… well, he can’t run away with those on, it would just be inconsiderate