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My name is Ofelia. Who are you?

Pan’s Labyrinth (2006) Directed by Guillermo del Toro

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Valentines Day 2017 Today was my 22nd Valentine's Day. I got up this morning at a reasonable time (9am), put on good clothes and did my makeup. The best part of my day was supposed to be me going grocery shopping and doing errands with my younger brother, who recently moved in with me to finish high school. But here's what actually happened: My brother decided to meet his boyfriend for lunch, and asked me if I "needed the car for anything today". I was frustrated because that meant he got the car which we've been sharing until I got mine insured, leaving me stranded at home. I told him if he missed the bus (which he did), he could use the car, figuring he would only be a couple hours at most for a lunch date. 5 hours later... I had been waiting in the same spot on the couch trying not to cry because I had literally wasted my entire day and my brother had just got home. It was 5pm and I was pissed. I understand it sounds irrational and illogical since I could have done something else to fill my time other than Netflix until he got home. My life consists of this: 6 college courses (2nd-4th year) Loads of homework 2 jobs Management of the property (out of province parent landlords)(which includes garbage/recycle maintenance, outside maintenance, indoor cleaning) Management of my brother (which includes the grocery shopping, emotional support, and chauffeuring) And I have a cat that needs attention, litter changes, food and water. I'm 21 years old and feel like I'm a 42 year old single parent of with a teenage child that has "stress" and can't be bothered to clean up after ME, balancing my school and work life to provide food and pay my rent (which he does not pay but I do $600/month), and trying to not spiral into the depression that always lurks around the corner. I've tried the online dating thing, and regardless of what my mother keeps saying, I must be so repellent because I can't seem to get a date. I've wondered if I was just so ugly and that's why no guy even ever considered asking if "I wanted to go out sometime", as at this point I feel like I have no standards for who I date. Or maybe it's my personality, that I'm just too intense and I just a better friend than a girl to go out with (which I was told by one male). No, I'm not out at the clubs or bars, getting drunk and bribing guys home, because I have my own self respect and also no time or money to do that. But, fuck, I'm out in society and I'm friendly and I try to purposely curb my bitch face which I know I could have if I don't try. I do my hair, makeup, and wardrobe to be professional and approachable to the male population, quite like the picture, that is my normal "look". It's now 10:15 and I can cry because I'm alone in my room, away from my roommate, as well as my brother. I got nothing today in terms of "hey I care about you" whether it was from a date or even my little brother who is so wrapped up in his new relationship to see me sinking. It's not his fault, I know, but I can't help thinking how I knew that it was important for him to see his date today, and in turn I got less than appreciated. Funny thing to note is that my Birthday is 9 months and 2 days away. Sound familiar? My parents anniversary is actually on the 19th but most people assume I'm a Valentine's Day baby, which means that this week was groundbreaking for my even existence. But let the record show that it's been 5 years since I've even had interest from a guy, who was great for giving me a rose on this day, not so great for truth telling. I made my self take a good selfie before I wiped all the makeup off and put on comfy pjs, because I wanted to remember how I looked on a really emotionally bad day. That I tried, I put effort in, and I planned to have a great day even if it turned to shit. I think I did my best, but I'm still upset and all I can do is make this week, and the rest of the month better than today, considering shouldn't be too damn difficult. I think the world forgets sometimes that a beautiful, size 2, Caucasian woman is just not good enough for men because of whatever reasons. "It's up to fate", "it's not your time" or "he's out there, just be patient", are just excuses for the fact that it doesn't matter how close to society's standards I am, there will always be a big possibility that I'm just not good enough. I think that if I was not as smart, I'd have someone. I think that if I was larger, I'd have someone. I think that if I had less ambition, I'd have someone. Because as I look around, those people: the stupid, the fat, the losers, they have people, boyfriends and girlfriends, who appreciate them come this day. Oh well. She's pretty and looks happy, don't you think?

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#deadhorse #trafalgarsquare #london (at Trafalgar Square)

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Remember 2015 with happiness. #australia #beach #hotwinter

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(photo by 2242234)

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this can’t be real

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Meet the average student debtor.

This probably isn’t what you were expecting.

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To everyone that thought that mid season finales were a good idea.

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Famous Paintings in Disney Movies

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my ascent into adulthood

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When older people complain about the state of my generation

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Date someone who is interested in you. I don’t mean someone who thinks you’re cute or funny, I mean someone who wants to know every insignificant detail about you. Someone who wants to read every word that you write, and hear every note of your favorite song, and watch every scene of your favorite movie. Someone who wants to find every scar on your body, and know exactly where each one came from. Someone who knows your favorite brand of toothpaste, and exactly which type of crackers you like most. There is a difference between attraction, and interest. Find the person who wants to learn every aspect of who you are, & wants to love them all.