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yeah bro it's a character study. the 2 thousand words of blowjob is vital to the study of the character

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First, my comedy reaction: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Second, my real reaction: it all depends on the POV character in the smut scene. Are you writing a period piece? Dick and Cock might not be appropriate, your character might take a more flowery approach (manhood, bishop, dragon) or a more straightforward approach (penis, phallus). Are you writing about frat boys? It's possible the more ridiculous metaphors are key. They might actually refer to their junk as "jr. [Name]" or "my beef whistle". Are you writing smut about Deadpool? Find the most ridiculous things on the list and pile as many in as you can and the story can still be hot like burning.

It all depends on tone and POV.

writing smut like

how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?

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“You are responsible for the minors in your fandom!!!”

No, I’m fucking not. I’m not your parent. My past-times do not automatically sign me up to act in loco parentis. If you need someone else to monitor your own content consumption online, go get mommy and/or daddy to set up a content blocker on your computer.

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chilchuck going "sorry leave me outta this one. i cant fight" but then hitting literally every precise shot with an arrow or projectile he ever made in the story INCLUDING PIERCING A RED DRAGONS EYE BY THROWING A KNIFE WHILE LEAPING AWAY my bro is a rogue with dex 20 and wants no one to know biggest liar in history

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Mutuals changing their icons makes me feel like a child crying when their dad shaves his face bc they don’t know who he is

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I enjoy the Two Cakes Philosophy and I believe it deserves its place enshrined in fandom culture.

Forgive me for the extended metaphor but I also want to simultaneously celebrate what I’m calling Bakery Display Case Philosophy. You know when you walk into a bakery and the display case is full of beautiful treats? And there’s a variety of different colors, textures, and flavors to discover? And that’s so deeply exciting?

You might say to yourself, “No one is going to want to read this pairing. No one is going to want to want a character study of that character. No one wants genfic in this fandom, only shipfic.”

And you might use that to discourage yourself from writing a certain fic.

Fandoms, like bakeries, need cakes and cookies and éclairs and cream puffs and shortbread and brownies and pies and tarts and petit fours and turnovers and cinnamon rolls and madeleines and meringues—and so many other things—to survive.

Write your dark chocolate pistachio croissant fic. Your fandom needs it actually.

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don't give up

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I'm certain this is on Tumblr somewhere, but I haven't seen it around, so I'm sharing it myself

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I absolutely adore being a lifeguard and swim instructor. I'm so passionate about it. I love being on the front line to pool patrons. I love having a job that when I leave the building, I don't have to think about it. Where I can work hard when I'm there and then turn off my work-brain when I leave. I love doing my part and not having to make any of the big, overarching decisions. I love that my job has very little impact on my life when I'm not at work. But the steadily decreasing pay combined with tighter and tighter budgets and continuing stupidity from upper management and a complete and total lack of recognition from the company (I hit 20 years of work and didn't even get an email about it) means that I'm retraining to something new. (Which is in health care so all the same problems probably still exist but at least I'll be paid enough to make rent now.)

The reason people don’t want to work is that it’s just normal for them to be in bad work environments.

My issue with working at Walmart wasn’t the work itself I was doing. It was the circumstances around it. The concrete floor, lack of places to sit, having to put up with asshole customers, not getting time off for injuries, and bad pay.

If I had been given shock pads to stand on or a few chairs to rest on sometimes, if they paid me a livable amount of money and I was allowed to yell back at asshole customers, if they had given me any amount of training, I would happily work part time folding clothes all day and telling people where the swimsuit section is.

I’m a creative type. I’m a writer. I’m pretty smart, even. But if I could make a living folding shirts and listening to podcasts in one ear and helping people find the scented candles for 30 hours a week? I would. Leaves some mental space free for me to brainstorm. Lets me catch up on my reading with audiobooks.

But instead I was treated so badly by upper management and customers that I’m like legitimately a little frightened whenever I step into a Walmart now. And I only worked there for three months a few years ago.

I’m a good lower level worker. When I’m treated well. I like finishing tasks. I like being helpful. I like having some time to talk to coworkers and some time alone with my thoughts. I’m a frickin team player. And that’s how I was at my first job. I was treated well by my supervisor. I was trained. They were patient with me. I was so good at being low on the totem pole at that job because I was valued and felt like I was being listened to. I was able to sit still when there was nothing left to do which made it feel less bad when we were on a time crunch. I didn’t mind working hard at that job because it was fun even though I was doing all the low level stuff that the supervisors didn’t want do.

But at Walmart I was like that for all of two days. Then I figured out that nobody appreciated my work and if I worked in my normal people pleasing manner I’d kill myself because their standards were high and the rewards for meeting them were low.

So I slowed down. I started avoiding customers. I started taking a lot longer to get to my breaks and to come back from them. I became worse at my job because no matter how good I was at it there would be no reward, no appreciation, and I’d just be pushed further beyond my limits.

My only level of happiness from that job came from the people who were working with me. The old ladies and my department manager who made sure I wasn’t overextending myself. The one other young man working in the clothing department who always got sent with me to unload the heavy stuff and commiserated with me about the shoulder injuries, the hurting feet we were too young to have.

But none of that was enough to make me stay. We were constantly understaffed. I was constantly abused by customers and not able to do a thing about it. I was not paid much at all. So as soon as I had enough saved up for what I was trying to do and my last semester of college was about to start I handed in my two weeks.

I would have found a way to stay if I liked that job. If I liked that job I would’ve pushed myself to my mental limits to finish college and keep that job at the same time. Heck that job could’ve been a rest from college. A place to get away from it. But I hate that job so I got out as soon as I could.

I want to work. I want enough money to live sort of comfortably. I want to have some tasks to do to give my creativity a rest. I want to be a part of something. But the way that modern corporate run work environments are set up does not give me any of the things I actually want out of a job. And I think that’s the same for millions of people right now. A lot of people would happily spend their lives as a waitress or an Uber driver or a warehouse worker or a farmhand or any other “low skill” job you can possibly think of. But with the way the world works right now those jobs are absolutely miserable. It doesn’t have to be that way. I know because I’ve had a fulfilling part time minimum wage job that I looked forward to going to every week. A job where I was listened to and allowed to sit when I needed to. I miss that job. Especially now since I’ve realized that’s not the standard. It should be. People should look forward to going to work or at the very least not get mild ptsd whenever they set foot into a Walmart.

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I have just learned that Mountain Goats are NOT, in fact, actual Goats.

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This won’t make your blog look ugly. How could you not reblog this? REBLOGGING THIS COULD SAVE A LIFE!!!

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I’ve been patiently waiting for a nice second-hand wood dresser to appear on fb marketplace or at Goodwill for months. Finally, I grabbed this one yesterday for $50.

My inspiration for this project are some dressers I saw at Anthropology that have gorgeous carved details. But I want my dresser to cost $200 or less rather than $2,000.

Of course I can’t add actual hand-carved wood, but I’ve got clay and some silicon molds + epoxy and a potential overconfidence in my DIY abilities.

First up, I removed the existing hardware and sanded this pretty lady down. She is now looking MUCH better without all those terrible stains (and the drawer pulls weren’t doing it for her, tbh).

Up next, I’ll give her a paint wash or three and start trying my hand at faking some carvings!

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THINGS I NEED TO FUCKING KNOW: Why every fuckin trans man or nb person I know who binds is like “oh binders are the worst, you can’t breathe in them, I know someone who broke a rib once”,

And meanwhile over in historical costuming, we are fucking eating, sleeping, swordfighting, riding horses, and feeling great like this:

(credit: Jenny La Flamme, The Tudor Tailor, Verdaera)

Like is there NO overlap between people who want to bind and people who care about accurate 16th century clothing reconstruction techniques?

(I, okay, maybe it is kind of a niche interest, but…. REALLY? Anyone who’s made a boned binder, PLS SPEAK TO ME)

Keep reading

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Source

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I was going to write in the tags but had too many thoughts. So.

I love the world for this series and specifically writing stories about people who are *good* in the world. That said, the world really does have its worldbuilding...issues.

What I really want is to read/write a fic that takes the winters at face value and runs with them and worldbuilds a ton.

Because unlike what one of the early responses in this thread assumes, Winter doesn't necessarily mean Darkness. From what I remember, only the "long night" is supposed to be super dark? I could be wrong though. I can actually see cultures being really interesting because of the long sets of different climates. I bet Dorne does most of their growing and harvesting in the long winters because it's finally cool and rainy enough for farming crops to grow.

I love the idea of large behemoth animals that come out in the north in winter. And that everything goes a bit carnivore in the north during winter.

I also really want to read a fic exploring that worldbuilding for the dynasties, where there HAS to be someone of that House. We get a bit of that with the "there always must be a Stark in Winterfell" and there are fics that have built that out, but to see it on a continent-wide scale would be neat! What's coming to Tywin for wiping out the Reynes? (No idea how to spell that bc fuck the spelling in this world) Is everyone a bit more protective of Sansa bc she's the last Stark (that they know of) as well as being even more possessive of her bc she's not just the "Key to the North", she's the Last Stark? Maybe some worldbuilding about Robert either letting Daenerys's mom go deliberately OR being relieved when it turns out she's alive bc he didn't wipe out a whole House? Or is he still angry as all get out and doesn't care. Is it finally to the point where people are starting to not believe in the Old Magics that kept them in power for so long? (Give me the fic where Rob survives the red wedding and realizes that, while he wants to kill both Roose and his bastard, he CAN'T until one of them has a kid. And having to try to make that happen.)

(But also fuck those "years" wtf is that. It makes ZERO sense. How do you even mark it!?)

Someone over on Discord asked, "I'm morbidly curious: How BAD is A Song of Ice and Fire in terms of the authenticity George claims it to be?"

My reply was straightforward:

The long and the short of it is that ASOIAF is basically a vehicle for GRRM to present both his rape fetish and his Hobbesian view on human nature and has less historical accuracy than Frozen or most other Disney movies.

That's actually a good way to think of it, now that I've said it--he's Family Unfriendly, they're Family Friendly, but both have the same relationship with History: just Pure Aesthetic with no consideration for how the worldbuilding would work.

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guess who just got ✨dommed by the narrative✨✨✨