onlyhoshposh - Tumblr blog

onlyhoshposh · 2 years

Text

Weird stories I remember reading online:

A dude starts a story about airsoft with "my great-grandma was a contortionist in a circus. This will be relevant later." And then he starts explaining about this challenge that was played out at his local airsoft field, essentially two-team capture the flag, where both teams could move their flags around their own respective fortresses and hideouts, but with specific rules to make it harder to keep the flag location hidden from the enemy.

And this guy happened to spot the enemy team moving their flag (I think you needed to have 3 players of the team to move your own flag or something), and saw them taking the flag to one large-ish shack with only one entrance. This guy circles the shack several times but can't find any other entrance, only a narrow opening in one wall that's clearly intended to just let in sunlight, and allow people to shoot out of the building or try to shoot in. The enemy team has left this room unguarded, it's upstairs and the flag is held downstairs.

They don't consider it an entrance that should be guarded because no ordinary man could reasonably enter through it. But our hero here is not an ordinary man. He's hyperflexible, and not the first in his family to use their genetic loose joints in their advantage. So this guy reaches in, and carefully puts his gun on the floor. He takes off his coat and belt, and put them inside, too. He even removes his shoes. And then he dislocates his fucking shoulder, in order to squeeze through a hole that people shouldn't fit through.

Once inside, he manages to get his shoulder back on the right way, takes a moment to recover, gets himself geared back up, and sneaks downstairs to fire three unsuspecting enemy teammates in the back, capturing the flag and winning the game. From their point of view, this guy had just manifested out of thin fucking air.

Having been the key to winning this challenge, in a feat that seemed downright impossible, the guy was asked to explain how. So he told them of the squid-like squeezing feat. While everyone was impressed, he was the reason why the field got a new rule: no limb dislocation allowed. Also there's now a bar in the middle of the previous slipping slot, barring any new attempts.

And that's how a circus contortionist's great-grandson got "All team members' ligaments must be kept at their intended locations during the whole game" added to the rule list of an airsoft field.

32K notes · View notes

onlyhoshposh · 2 years

Text

Hob in 1789 after Dream sends Johanna Constantine off to nightmare land for pointing a knife at his 'acquaintance'