onestepfromhome-blog1

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Source: http://urgup.ewrs2018.org/police-traffic-incident-report/

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Rediscovery

September 22, 2017

10:00 am

This morning one of the nurses called me over, her face plastered on a wide smile, I could sense she had special news for me. Both of us trailed through the cold, colourless hall of the hospital, turning left to the main desk of the building. Each step we took made my heart beat a little harder, I hardly ever felt anxious, at least not that I remember of, but I was nervous now. The wall that separated us from the main desk finally came undone and two figures peered at me wide-eyed.

“Mom!” The girl, looking around eight years old, pranced right towards me.

All I could do then was stand motionless, staring down at the fragile child who wrapped her arms around my waist, laughing, sobbing, beaming.

A soft touch landed on my shoulder, “Allison, I’m sorry it took so long.”

Catching on to my apparent state of paralysis, the nurse asked them to stand back and give me a moment alone. 

Regaining my composure I looked back at the nurse’s familiar face for reassurance, then turning back towards the two.

“My name is Allison.” I hesitate for a brief second, “you two are my family?”

He affirms with a nod and a gentle smile.

“Why didn’t you come sooner?”

He peers into my eyes, I disbelieved the saying that “the eyes are the gate to the soul”, but it was then that I understood its meaning. His eyes seemed to scream forgiveness.

“You don’t remember, but we live in Oregon.” He continued, “you took a business trip to Nevada with our car and after that that you went missing. We didn’t know the exact location of where you had disappeared, so finding you was like searching for a needle in a haystack.”

The girl laughed, “that’s true, we were going insane mom.”

“But it’s okay now Olivia, we found your mom.” He drew her close and jokingly patted her head. Perhaps, it was just an impression, but I could almost see a tear at the corner of his eyes.

“Oh and I’m Richard by the way.” He laughed and extended out his hands.

“Nice to meet you, Richard.” I look back at the child, “you too Olivia.” I force a smile and shake his hand.

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Rediscovery pt 2

September 22, 2017

8:00 pm

Charlotte and I had been speaking for hours, I was scared to leave. It had been six months here in this hospital, with her, she was now family.

In some ways, our mutual solitude is what had driven us together. Charlotte’s only daughter, who was around my age, had passed away last year in a car accident. Me? I was isolated from the outside world, unsure about my own identity - not even my own name.

“I’m scared about leaving.”

“I can tell,“ Charlotte kind-heartedly laughed.

“A part of me is ecstatic, another is just damn right scared.”

“Everything is going to be alright, you had wanted to find your family all this time, Allison. Now you found them.”

I chuckle, “I’m not used to being called that, it feels like you’re talking about someone else.”

“Just because you can’t remember who you are, doesn’t mean you lost your identity.”

“You have such a way with words,” I look back at her and grin.

She reciprocates and smiles, “I know.“

“Whenever you need just come back home.”

Source: https://www.askideas.com/62-most-beautiful-identity-quotes-and-sayings/

Journal Entry

October 26, 2017

It has been nearly a month since I moved out of the hospital and relocated back home. It has been hard adjusting. Richard and Olivia are incredible people and that is what makes it even worse. I wish I could call them family: my husband, MY DAUGHTER. But even writing these words feels like a lie.

I had expected to recognize my family as soon as I saw them - as it happens in the movies - that all my memories would come flooding back to me, that my identity would return. It hasn’t. I still feel like a stranger, like someone who doesn’t belong here in this house, not really. They act naturally when they’re with me because they knew Allison, but I can’t reciprocate this when I hold no memories of who she was.

Richard dug out a couple of recordings of us before the crash and it made my heart shatter. They were such a perfect family, she obviously loved both of them very much. I wonder if she will ever return, to me or to them. Why does it feel like we are two separate people? I really don’t know what to do to trigger my memory. I don’t know what I will do it never returns. Why did life have to steal its most precious gift? Why did it have to steal it from me?

Source: https://www.pinterest.ca/hkatibah/trapped/

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Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr7tpqc0A6I&t=3s

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Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr7tpqc0A6I&t=3s

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Journal Entry

September 23, 2018

Richard and I had gone to the hospital regularly following the crash, we were both devoted to restoring my memory. We travelled throughout Oregon, trying to rummage for a solution. 

It happens we never found it. The doctors told me the crash had been severe and the damage caused was irreversible. I will admit, I cried for weeks following that. I felt lost like there was an untraceable void inside my chest.

Ironically, this is what made me, Richard, and Olivia more united. Sometimes I found it hard to believe how he put up with all of my emotional baggage of less than a year. It often makes me wonder what he had to put up with before. My heart was won over twice by the same man. At least I have photos and video recordings of some of these special moments, it allows me to look at what my world was like. I must admit this is also what helped me fall in love with Richard again, I loved seeing our past.

Source: https://www.dailyedge.ie/guy-found-love-of-his-life-on-imgur-2293718-Aug2015/

Although I will never remember the weight of Olivia’s body when she was born or my first date with Richard - which he has personally announced to have been a happily forgettable experience. I still believe my identity is intact, perhaps it never truly changed, I just forgot the contents inside the jug. The two tell me I seem to like the same person I was before, maybe just a little more cranky, but I like to relate that to ageing.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary since my return home and my departure from my second home, so we drove back to the Nevada State Hospital to see Charlotte.

I had never asked the reason why she was there, but I discovered it was because of Alzheimer’s disease. When I had first arrived at the hospital the disease was still at its initial phase but it had evolved ever since then. 

Charlotte did not remember me and it hurt. It hurt so much. Just as badly, perhaps even worse, as when I was told that my brain and my memories were irreparable. 

She did forget me, she didn’t keep her promise, but I’m okay with that because Charlotte was just as bright and just as kind as she had been before. Independent of whether she remembers me, I will always consider her as a mother. Just as I have battled through relentless tears of the accident I will get fight through this. Charlotte is still the person she always was, my friend.

Source: https://www.r2endalz.org/touching-poem-from-jim-hatcher/

Source: https://www.positivityblog.com/friendship-quotes/