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nick: i love you

taylor: is that you or the vodka talking?

nick: it’s me talking to the vodka

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leah, about martin: hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you ?

simon:

leah: because it sounds like he sucks and i will totally kill that guy for you

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abby: i would never say that my girlfriend’s a bitch and that i don’t like her.

abby: my girlfriend is a bitch and i like her SO. MUCH.

abby: leah’s a 5’2 slytherin bitch and she’s the best.

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leah: i’d date you.

abby: what ?

leah: I SAID I HATE YOU

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martin: *gets hurt*

leah: that’s sad alexa play despacito

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simon: help me with this crossword puzzle. i need a six letter word for disappointment.

leah: martin.

simon:

simon: it fits.

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leah: you packed condoms?

nick: we don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. we might have to repopulate the earth.

leah: and condoms are the way to do that?

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abby: leah, you’re in charge of selling the raffle tickets for the fair fundraiser.

leah: i’m your woman

abby: i need you to not yell at the customers-

leah: ...i’m kind of your woman

abby: and you need to smile.

leah:

leah: you need a new woman

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simon: did abby say what she had ? because my throats been hurting.

leah: menstural cramps.

simon:

simon: i don’t think that’s what this is.

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simon: it’s just a moo point.

abby: a moo point?

simon: yeah. it’s like a cow’s opinion. it doesn’t matter. it’s moo.

abby, to leah: have i been hanging out with him too much or did that all just make sense?

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simon: if corals get stressed they die.

leah: so if i were a coral i’d be dead.

abby: what do corals even get stressed about?

nick: current events.

leah: get out.

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bram: why is simon on the table?

nick: he likes to be tall

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bram: my boyfriend must be top of the line, graceful, organized-

simon: hi, i’m sim- *drops oreo container* shit- *trips over it while trying to pick it up* fuck, i’m so so- *slips on a rogue oreo & face plants onto the floor, causing abby & leah to trip over him*

bram: i want that one

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leah: the glass is half-empty.

abby: i think the glass is half-full

leah: i think you’re full of shit

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simon: so what’s it like dating leah?

abby: once, i asked her for a water while she was pissed at me, and she brought me a glass of ice and said “wait”

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abby: leah was complaining about the price of peanut butter at the snooty grocery store & i said “yeah it’s nuts” and now she won’t answer my texts

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nick: i need you to be straight with me

leah, glancing at simon & abby: that’s going to be extremely difficult for everyone here