oftherainn

[oftherainn]

Rainn lets out a small breath, trying to get himself to focus, focus, as Jess steps out to come back in Character, trying to hone in on the here and now and not the thoughts bouncing around in the back of his mind, the Television static of anxiety flickering around in there behind it all at the possibility of the whole...shit, when it was gonna happen for real, scratching his arm a bit before...deep breath...a small snort inadvertently escaping him at Jess’s in character greeting, the corners of his lips perking up before he remembers this was Serious Shit, a Serious moment... “Hey,” he offers out, casual, all cool like, or at least an attempt to be, before... “Can we talk...?” He manages out, looking down at the ground for a beat before back up at Jess...Aly, yeah...

End of an Era [August 23, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn relaxes on the couch next to Jess as he lets JD curl up into his lap, damn, even JD knew something was up, being so nice…letting out a small sigh even as his mind rushes about a hundred miles per hour with thoughts and shit ping ponging back and forth about the whole…ugh, just feeling like he needed to talk shit through with Jesse. “Would it be…fucking st…silly, of me to give all this shit up, the nice place, the hot partner, all because I don’t…deal well, with this poly shit?” He asks, catching himself from dropping the S word even though he half felt S word even thinking about this shit…he had what people would kill for, he had everything he could dream of, and yet…it fucking drove him…the fucking c word, it made him feel, sometimes, and he…couldn’t be feeling c word, not now, not when shit was…good, stable.

[oftherainn]

“Maybe...we can go through what I’m going to say while I get this stuff packed up?” He offers, almost feeling like...he needed a game plan, a script, so he didn’t just...fucking blow it when the time Actually came, giving JD a few scratches while he had the chance.

End of an Era [August 23, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn relaxes on the couch next to Jess as he lets JD curl up into his lap, damn, even JD knew something was up, being so nice…letting out a small sigh even as his mind rushes about a hundred miles per hour with thoughts and shit ping ponging back and forth about the whole…ugh, just feeling like he needed to talk shit through with Jesse. “Would it be…fucking st…silly, of me to give all this shit up, the nice place, the hot partner, all because I don’t…deal well, with this poly shit?” He asks, catching himself from dropping the S word even though he half felt S word even thinking about this shit…he had what people would kill for, he had everything he could dream of, and yet…it fucking drove him…the fucking c word, it made him feel, sometimes, and he…couldn’t be feeling c word, not now, not when shit was…good, stable.

[oftherainn]

“Cool,” he replies back, the smile finally fully forming on his lips, aw shit, a little chuckle moving through him as he hears The Plan about Mat’s room. “The Perfect Plan. And plus...JD & Ai get to have more Sibling Bonding Time, too.”

End of an Era [August 23, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn relaxes on the couch next to Jess as he lets JD curl up into his lap, damn, even JD knew something was up, being so nice…letting out a small sigh even as his mind rushes about a hundred miles per hour with thoughts and shit ping ponging back and forth about the whole…ugh, just feeling like he needed to talk shit through with Jesse. “Would it be…fucking st…silly, of me to give all this shit up, the nice place, the hot partner, all because I don’t…deal well, with this poly shit?” He asks, catching himself from dropping the S word even though he half felt S word even thinking about this shit…he had what people would kill for, he had everything he could dream of, and yet…it fucking drove him…the fucking c word, it made him feel, sometimes, and he…couldn’t be feeling c word, not now, not when shit was…good, stable.

[oftherainn]

Rainn hears Jesse’s response, a little smile moving to the edges of his lips, even in spite of the whole...back and forth shit in his head taking a bit out of him. “Really? Alina and Rue would be cook with it?” Before giving her a little nudge, the smile moving upwards a bit. “Cake and rooming with my favorite person? Sounds like real good shit.”

End of an Era [August 23, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn relaxes on the couch next to Jess as he lets JD curl up into his lap, damn, even JD knew something was up, being so nice…letting out a small sigh even as his mind rushes about a hundred miles per hour with thoughts and shit ping ponging back and forth about the whole…ugh, just feeling like he needed to talk shit through with Jesse. “Would it be…fucking st…silly, of me to give all this shit up, the nice place, the hot partner, all because I don’t…deal well, with this poly shit?” He asks, catching himself from dropping the S word even though he half felt S word even thinking about this shit…he had what people would kill for, he had everything he could dream of, and yet…it fucking drove him…the fucking c word, it made him feel, sometimes, and he…couldn’t be feeling c word, not now, not when shit was…good, stable.

[oftherainn]

“...Yeah,” Rainn acknowledges, it was making him feel fucking...ugh, and like...shit didn’t Have to be that way. He...could be Happy. And right now? He wasn’t fucking happy, and it wasn’t fucking good for his mental health. The thought cutting through him bluntly as he just like...has to process it for a moment, let it sit there, in all its knife-sharp glory even as the other thoughts chirp through his head like birds in the morning or some shit...yeah, letting out a small breath as he just tries to...center himself, and his thoughts again... “...big thing is that if I break up with him...don’t think I can stay here any more,” he starts, feeling like...that was a big ass problem, in of itself, like...having to find somewhere to live, again, not wanting to burden Uncle Greg and Aunt Atsuko again, or anyone else, really, but also...not sure where he could find a place on such short notice, or...where he could find a place to live that would be conducive to continuing to get better...never know what kind of shit you could get on some of those roommate websites.

End of an Era [August 23, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn relaxes on the couch next to Jess as he lets JD curl up into his lap, damn, even JD knew something was up, being so nice…letting out a small sigh even as his mind rushes about a hundred miles per hour with thoughts and shit ping ponging back and forth about the whole…ugh, just feeling like he needed to talk shit through with Jesse. “Would it be…fucking st…silly, of me to give all this shit up, the nice place, the hot partner, all because I don’t…deal well, with this poly shit?” He asks, catching himself from dropping the S word even though he half felt S word even thinking about this shit…he had what people would kill for, he had everything he could dream of, and yet…it fucking drove him…the fucking c word, it made him feel, sometimes, and he…couldn’t be feeling c word, not now, not when shit was…good, stable.

[oftherainn]

Rainn moves into the cuddlehug, hoping that he wasn’t making the shit too awkward, but..it feeling good, a small twitch of a smile forming on his lips as he feels her rest her chin on his shoulder. “Good shit,” he affirms, the little twitch of a smile moving a bit further up as he looks at her.

Vegan Ice Cream N’ Shit [August 22, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn sits on the bench in front of the vegan ice cream place, looking down at the cone, it not even looking any different than like, regular ice cream, shittt...about to take a lick before he hears the buzz of his phone, moving to take a look down at it to see the text from…Aly, his heart both…fucking fluttering and sinking at the same time, who the fuck knew it could Do That, letting out a…deep sigh, as he remembers what he had talked about with Jess, before catching sight of Zippy making her way over with her own ice cream, pushing a little smile onto his lips. “What flavor’d you get?” He asks, feeling like…he should try and do his best to Stay Playful Together, right now, because this was good shit with Zip, yeah, even though the shit was having him feel kinda…mixed up and…eugh, that heavy sinking weighted feeling swirling around within him…

[oftherainn]

End of an Era [August 23, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn relaxes on the couch next to Jess as he lets JD curl up into his lap, damn, even JD knew something was up, being so nice...letting out a small sigh even as his mind rushes about a hundred miles per hour with thoughts and shit ping ponging back and forth about the whole...ugh, just feeling like he needed to talk shit through with Jesse. “Would it be...fucking st...silly, of me to give all this shit up, the nice place, the hot partner, all because I don’t...deal well, with this poly shit?” He asks, catching himself from dropping the S word even though he half felt S word even thinking about this shit...he had what people would kill for, he had everything he could dream of, and yet...it fucking drove him...the fucking c word, it made him feel, sometimes, and he...couldn’t be feeling c word, not now, not when shit was...good, stable.

[oftherainn]

Rainn blinks his eyes a bit at the affirmation, like he knew it, deep down, yeah, but it was good to...Hear It, from someone else, too, that mental health was important shit..before...giving a little nod as he looks at her, “...yeah, I’d like that,” he admits, tentatively scooching closer towards her and slowly...gently, moving his arms around her.

Vegan Ice Cream N’ Shit [August 22, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn sits on the bench in front of the vegan ice cream place, looking down at the cone, it not even looking any different than like, regular ice cream, shittt...about to take a lick before he hears the buzz of his phone, moving to take a look down at it to see the text from…Aly, his heart both…fucking fluttering and sinking at the same time, who the fuck knew it could Do That, letting out a…deep sigh, as he remembers what he had talked about with Jess, before catching sight of Zippy making her way over with her own ice cream, pushing a little smile onto his lips. “What flavor’d you get?” He asks, feeling like…he should try and do his best to Stay Playful Together, right now, because this was good shit with Zip, yeah, even though the shit was having him feel kinda…mixed up and…eugh, that heavy sinking weighted feeling swirling around within him…

[oftherainn]

“It’s just...” Rainn begins, letting out a deep sigh, not even exactly sure how to put the complex ass mess tangled web of shit he was feeling into thoughts, let alone words, rubbing the back of his neck as he looks down at his ice cream, “...don’t think he’s good for my mental health any more, and...that shit’s gotta come first...right?” Almost squeaking out the last word as if...wanting affirmation, as if he Wasn’t throwing away the best thing that could and would ever happen to him because he was being a...baby, a greedy, selfish, thankless baby...

Vegan Ice Cream N’ Shit [August 22, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn sits on the bench in front of the vegan ice cream place, looking down at the cone, it not even looking any different than like, regular ice cream, shittt...about to take a lick before he hears the buzz of his phone, moving to take a look down at it to see the text from…Aly, his heart both…fucking fluttering and sinking at the same time, who the fuck knew it could Do That, letting out a…deep sigh, as he remembers what he had talked about with Jess, before catching sight of Zippy making her way over with her own ice cream, pushing a little smile onto his lips. “What flavor’d you get?” He asks, feeling like…he should try and do his best to Stay Playful Together, right now, because this was good shit with Zip, yeah, even though the shit was having him feel kinda…mixed up and…eugh, that heavy sinking weighted feeling swirling around within him…

[oftherainn]

“Would you...wanna hear it?” Rainn asks, not wanting to like..bother her with the shit, if she was just asking to be nice, n’ shit, or whatever, just like...mmmph...kinda wanting to hear her take on it but like not totally feeling comfy with it if he’d be bothering her...

Vegan Ice Cream N’ Shit [August 22, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn sits on the bench in front of the vegan ice cream place, looking down at the cone, it not even looking any different than like, regular ice cream, shittt...about to take a lick before he hears the buzz of his phone, moving to take a look down at it to see the text from…Aly, his heart both…fucking fluttering and sinking at the same time, who the fuck knew it could Do That, letting out a…deep sigh, as he remembers what he had talked about with Jess, before catching sight of Zippy making her way over with her own ice cream, pushing a little smile onto his lips. “What flavor’d you get?” He asks, feeling like…he should try and do his best to Stay Playful Together, right now, because this was good shit with Zip, yeah, even though the shit was having him feel kinda…mixed up and…eugh, that heavy sinking weighted feeling swirling around within him…

[oftherainn]

“Don’t be sorry,” Rainn says back, not wanting her to feel guilty for the shit, when she didn’t like...even Know, hell, he didn’t even know, if he was going to go through with it, before looking back at the picture again, his lip twitching just...a bit, mmph, moving to take a lick of the ice cream to stop That, letting out a breath through his nostrils. “...it’s dumb, isn’t it? To break up with someone like him?” He kinda just...floats out there, wanting to get her opinion, as kinda an outsider to the whole thing, before giving a nod of his head, pushing his lips upward a little. “Really good,” he affirms, it was good shit, this was really good shit, regardless of whatever the hell was going to go down with Aly.

Vegan Ice Cream N’ Shit [August 22, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn sits on the bench in front of the vegan ice cream place, looking down at the cone, it not even looking any different than like, regular ice cream, shittt...about to take a lick before he hears the buzz of his phone, moving to take a look down at it to see the text from…Aly, his heart both…fucking fluttering and sinking at the same time, who the fuck knew it could Do That, letting out a…deep sigh, as he remembers what he had talked about with Jess, before catching sight of Zippy making her way over with her own ice cream, pushing a little smile onto his lips. “What flavor’d you get?” He asks, feeling like…he should try and do his best to Stay Playful Together, right now, because this was good shit with Zip, yeah, even though the shit was having him feel kinda…mixed up and…eugh, that heavy sinking weighted feeling swirling around within him…

[oftherainn]

“Hahaha...ha.....” Rainn lets out in a breathy whisper as he pulls back, his mind racing as to whether or not the shit was okay, if she was gonna like...hate him now, if he blew it, fuck, taking a small breath before hearing the little...thanks, a small flicker of a smile moving onto the edges of his lips as he eases off of...the metaphorical cliff for the moment, haha, breathe, Rainn, breathe, it wasn’t like...a big fucking deal, wasn’t like some...friendship ending shit, or...whatever...before...hearing the word Partner, his thoughts pinging back to the shit earlier as he just...curls a bit into himself, into the oversized hoodie that it was too damn hot for, but like...his body, eugh, and shit, “I might...break up with him,” he kinda...finally verbalizes, aloud, with an attempt at a nonchalant shrug, before hearing the work question, kinda...grateful for that in the moment, to not think about...Aly, and the...shit. “Was pretty good, me and my best friend Jess and this one guy from work went to this pretty chill place for our lunch break, was fun,” he acknowledges, see, there Was good shit in the day, he reminds himself, even as he finds himself absentmindedly picking at part of the cone with his thumbnail... “How’d shit today go for you?”

Vegan Ice Cream N’ Shit [August 22, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn sits on the bench in front of the vegan ice cream place, looking down at the cone, it not even looking any different than like, regular ice cream, shittt...about to take a lick before he hears the buzz of his phone, moving to take a look down at it to see the text from…Aly, his heart both…fucking fluttering and sinking at the same time, who the fuck knew it could Do That, letting out a…deep sigh, as he remembers what he had talked about with Jess, before catching sight of Zippy making her way over with her own ice cream, pushing a little smile onto his lips. “What flavor’d you get?” He asks, feeling like…he should try and do his best to Stay Playful Together, right now, because this was good shit with Zip, yeah, even though the shit was having him feel kinda…mixed up and…eugh, that heavy sinking weighted feeling swirling around within him…

[oftherainn]

A little smile forms on the edges of Rainn’s lips before he...catches sight of her kissing the air, wondering if maybe...would it be Weird to like...kiss the ice cream off? Like in the movies and shit? Or was that what she wanted and it was all platonic like? Kisses weren’t inherently like...romantic and shit, and it wasn’t like...mm, whatever, internally grimacing as he hopes he wasn’t being fucking awkward or Wrong or like...getting the shit wrong as he leans in to softly press a kiss onto her cheek before making sure to get the ice cream, feeling...mm, awkward as hell about it, in the moment, but also like...dunno, it was better than him like licking his thumb and wiping it off, that was gross, not like being kissed by him wasn’t...gross and shit, the intrusive thought cutting hard through things like a knife in the moment before he could even stop it even though he tries to remind himself that like...he wasn’t supposed to think like that and shit, nah, reframe, uh...like being kissed by him wasn’t...something that like...everyone would want to do, no, that sounded fucking...ughhh, too... “Was that like...a st...okay way of doing that?” He finally musters up the will to ask, stopping the S Word in its tracks before it could manifest even though part of him felt like it was...applicable, here, in this moment, in this...ugh...

Vegan Ice Cream N’ Shit [August 22, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn sits on the bench in front of the vegan ice cream place, looking down at the cone, it not even looking any different than like, regular ice cream, shittt...about to take a lick before he hears the buzz of his phone, moving to take a look down at it to see the text from…Aly, his heart both…fucking fluttering and sinking at the same time, who the fuck knew it could Do That, letting out a…deep sigh, as he remembers what he had talked about with Jess, before catching sight of Zippy making her way over with her own ice cream, pushing a little smile onto his lips. “What flavor’d you get?” He asks, feeling like…he should try and do his best to Stay Playful Together, right now, because this was good shit with Zip, yeah, even though the shit was having him feel kinda…mixed up and…eugh, that heavy sinking weighted feeling swirling around within him…

[oftherainn]

“Sounds good,” Rain remarks back, pushing his lips a bit upwards, taking a bit of a lick even though he didn’t quite feel...totally hungry any more and shit, but, yeah...his thoughts trailing off as the shit begins ping ponging through the back parts of his mind, mmmphhhh, before the Marshmallow hits him, cuts through the shit as he snaps out of it, “...chocolate marshmallow, yeah,” he offers back, it being kinda...cool, that she guessed it and shit, remembering to be...Present in the Moment, yeah, he couldn’t Change the other shit, before noticing...a small flicker of a genuine smile crossing his lips as he sees the bit of ice cream that Zippy had gotten on her cheek, “Aw shit, you got a little bit of ice cream there,” he remarks with a little chuckle, “I can get it for you?”

Vegan Ice Cream N’ Shit [August 22, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn sits on the bench in front of the vegan ice cream place, looking down at the cone, it not even looking any different than like, regular ice cream, shittt...about to take a lick before he hears the buzz of his phone, moving to take a look down at it to see the text from…Aly, his heart both…fucking fluttering and sinking at the same time, who the fuck knew it could Do That, letting out a…deep sigh, as he remembers what he had talked about with Jess, before catching sight of Zippy making her way over with her own ice cream, pushing a little smile onto his lips. “What flavor’d you get?” He asks, feeling like…he should try and do his best to Stay Playful Together, right now, because this was good shit with Zip, yeah, even though the shit was having him feel kinda…mixed up and…eugh, that heavy sinking weighted feeling swirling around within him…

[oftherainn]

Vegan Ice Cream N’ Shit [August 22, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn sits on the bench in front of the vegan ice cream place, looking down at the cone, it not even looking any different than like, regular ice cream, shittt...about to take a lick before he hears the buzz of his phone, moving to take a look down at it to see the text from...Aly, his heart both...fucking fluttering and sinking at the same time, who the fuck knew it could Do That, letting out a...deep sigh, as he remembers what he had talked about with Jess, before catching sight of Zippy making her way over with her own ice cream, pushing a little smile onto his lips. “What flavor’d you get?” He asks, feeling like...he should try and do his best to Stay Playful Together, right now, because this was good shit with Zip, yeah, even though the shit was having him feel kinda...mixed up and...eugh, that heavy sinking weighted feeling swirling around within him...

[oftherainn]

Oops, Baby. [March 6, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn releases a...deep fucking breath as he feels the...familiar panic begin to swell in his chest, his heart beating like...a fucking drum in some school marching band or some shit like...feeling the urge to just leave and never look back and just...disappear, cross through the back of his mind even as he tries to just...take a deep breath, take a deep breath, re-center, shit wasn’t like...didn’t have to take the nuclear option, or whatever, even as he feels the thoughts bubble around the core of his mind that just like...it was S Word, Aly wasn’t going to Like it, he’s going to Hate It, and You, also cutting through, probing for a few beats, even as he tries to tell that whole thing to Shut Up, Sit its ass the hell down, it was So Fucking Dramatic, really, sheesh, he tries to tell himself as he tries to slow his heartbeat down...just...a...bit...yeah, thinking about what Jess said and just...moving to place his headphones and laptop just...on the coffee table as he makes his way into the bedroom, remembering the deep breaths...and being on his zen shit...yeah, and not being such...a fucking drama queen...with some of his thoughts, like...clutching his phone tight as hell, feeling his palms sweaty, something about Spaghetti, the fucking...Eminem song or whatever the hell it was of all things coming to him as he just...moves into the bed beside Aly as he just...gently moves his fingers through his hair, a deep, warm, soft feeling moving through him in spite of his...damn heart feeling like it was running a mile a minute and his body feeling like it was starting on the road to panic town...as he just...closes his eyes, loads the gun and pulls the trigger, the words fumbling out of his mouth as he tries to...get them Right, but knowing it probs sounded like a Trainwreck, shit, but just...whispering them out in a soft breath, “Я люблю тебе, Альоше.”

[oftherainn]

Snacks? Condoms...? [February 23, 2021]

IN PROGRESS