od-vents

[od-vents]

Back on my shit again.

Not eatin much, but drinkin water, at least.

[od-vents]

Some days, I think I’m winning. Most days, I know I’m not.

The worst fights are the silent ones. The days when my brain whispers, What’s the point?

It’s not screaming. Not a roar. Just a low hum I can’t turn off.

Those days, I don’t fight back.

I just sit in the corner and watch myself lose.

[od-vents]

I can't even look in a fucking mirror without think I'm just a fucking mistake or something. I never feel like I'm enough for this world. Like I'll just never fit in this stupid puzzle that is life. I'm the wrong shape, pushed into a spot that seems right, but not perfect enough to slide right into place.

I hate this.

[od-vents]

Part of me just wants to go to the medicine cabinet and find out which is the best to fucking overdose on.

[od-vents]

Death bed by Powfu & beabadoobee

Fade away by XAM

[od-vents]

Somethings wrong with me. Somethings wrong Somethings wrong Somethings wrong Somethings wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

I can't fucking do this. I hate this hate hate hate hate

I don't even know why I'm really like this. Fuck. I wanna fucking die but at the same time I'm scared. I just wanna slit my wrists but I'm a fucking coward. I just want a distraction from all of this why can't I be fucking normal why am I wrong why

[od-vents]

Stay by Iamjakehill

Fade away by XAM

[od-vents]

Deadinside by Mvko & YTD

Fade away by XAM

[od-vents]

Not enough by SadBoyProlific

Fade away by XAM

[od-vents]

Alone by SadBoyProlific

Fade away by XAM

[od-vents]

Broken by Lund

Fade away by XAM

[od-vents]

Ðead and cold by SadBoyProlific

Fade away by XAM

[od-vents]

I'm sad by eli.

Fade away by XAM

[od-vents]

Was lookin through my old art, yk, as one does.. n I found this.

I genuinely still feel his arms around me when I close my eyes. Like a phantoms touch or smthin.

Maybe I could redraw this?.. I mean.. it might be fucking hard for me to do that, but I think I could do better.. portray my feelings better anyway.

[od-vents]

Boom ba da

Doom ba da

Boom ba da

Doom ba da

Boom ba da

Doom ba da

Boom ba da

Doom ba da

Aaaaaaaaaaa

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over

Over and over

I fuck myself over

And under and under

I do it again

Morning and evening

I felt I was grieving

Until I said fuck you

And never again

Daytime or night time I feel I’m on my time

But my time is fickle

Just like a friend

And with my departure

From the pain I harbor

I feel I am sinking

And sailing to swim

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

And with my departure

From the pain I harbor

I feel I am sinking

And sailing to swim

[od-vents]

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you make someone upset at you? Like you could have done the tiniest thing and they take it the wrong way or they get annoyed/mad at you? It makes you feel like a failure. But you’re not a failure. You’re doing your best and I’m proud of you.

[od-vents]

He's such a sweetie. I love him I love him I love him

Why can't I just tell him I love him

He's just too sweet

Too kind

I'm all fucked up in the head for falling this quickly

I swear

Why do I love him?

I kinda hate that I do.

Maybe it's something to do with coping.

Do I even deserve to love someone right now? While I'm still in love with someone else.. someone I can't even fucking be with anymore?

Somethings wrong with me

I just know there is..