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I can't even look in a fucking mirror without think I'm just a fucking mistake or something. I never feel like I'm enough for this world. Like I'll just never fit in this stupid puzzle that is life. I'm the wrong shape, pushed into a spot that seems right, but not perfect enough to slide right into place.

I hate this.

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Part of me just wants to go to the medicine cabinet and find out which is the best to fucking overdose on.

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Death bed by Powfu & beabadoobee

Fade away by XAM

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Somethings wrong with me. Somethings wrong Somethings wrong Somethings wrong Somethings wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

I can't fucking do this. I hate this hate hate hate hate

I don't even know why I'm really like this. Fuck. I wanna fucking die but at the same time I'm scared. I just wanna slit my wrists but I'm a fucking coward. I just want a distraction from all of this why can't I be fucking normal why am I wrong why

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Stay by Iamjakehill

Fade away by XAM

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Deadinside by Mvko & YTD

Fade away by XAM

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Not enough by SadBoyProlific

Fade away by XAM

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Alone by SadBoyProlific

Fade away by XAM

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Broken by Lund

Fade away by XAM

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Ðead and cold by SadBoyProlific

Fade away by XAM

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I'm sad by eli.

Fade away by XAM

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Was lookin through my old art, yk, as one does.. n I found this.

I genuinely still feel his arms around me when I close my eyes. Like a phantoms touch or smthin.

Maybe I could redraw this?.. I mean.. it might be fucking hard for me to do that, but I think I could do better.. portray my feelings better anyway.

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Boom ba da

Doom ba da

Boom ba da

Doom ba da

Boom ba da

Doom ba da

Boom ba da

Doom ba da

Aaaaaaaaaaa

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over

Over and over

I fuck myself over

And under and under

I do it again

Morning and evening

I felt I was grieving

Until I said fuck you

And never again

Daytime or night time I feel I’m on my time

But my time is fickle

Just like a friend

And with my departure

From the pain I harbor

I feel I am sinking

And sailing to swim

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

Over and over and

And with my departure

From the pain I harbor

I feel I am sinking

And sailing to swim

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Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you make someone upset at you? Like you could have done the tiniest thing and they take it the wrong way or they get annoyed/mad at you? It makes you feel like a failure. But you’re not a failure. You’re doing your best and I’m proud of you.

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He's such a sweetie. I love him I love him I love him

Why can't I just tell him I love him

He's just too sweet

Too kind

I'm all fucked up in the head for falling this quickly

I swear

Why do I love him?

I kinda hate that I do.

Maybe it's something to do with coping.

Do I even deserve to love someone right now? While I'm still in love with someone else.. someone I can't even fucking be with anymore?

Somethings wrong with me

I just know there is..

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Okay.so uh. I had meant for this to go on my venting blog, but by the time i saved this I realized I left it on my main aaand I really don't wanna have to rewrite all this so. We bein sad on main today.. sorry yall, especially to the new ppl who don't know wtf I'm going on abt here..

The longer I talk with that guy(I'll start calling him M just to make it easier on me), the more he seems like Bugga in so many ways. Hell, even in the way he types sometimes!

And honestly, it really hurts a bit talking with M sometimes coz this- I hate that he reminds me so much of him. And I really thought I was getting over Bug too.. He fucking called me shorty while on call the other day and I just had to make up an excuse to hang up so I could cry without worrying him.

I think I'm relapsing with my emotions or somethin coz of M. Like, it honestly feels so fuckin pathetic of me.

Ssssoooo, uh, anyway

Aahhahah.. sad and really shitty poem, anyone??

I Hate How

In the shadows of my heart, a darkness stirs,

A haunting echo of love that once was mine.

He comes like a ghost, gentle and kind,

But his presence only deepens the ache inside..

His words are a balm to my wounded soul,

Yet each syllable cuts like a sharp knife.

I hate how he's so nice, how he cares,

Reminding me of the one I lost in life.

I hate how he talks with me, as if we're one,

For it only reminds me of decayed sands.

His laughter echos through the empty room,

Filling the void left by death's cruel hands.

I hate how he wants to know me more and more,

Unveiling layers of grief I cannot efface.

Memories flash like lightning in my mind's eye,

Of days filled with warmth and sweet embrace.

And most of all, I hate how swiftly I've fallen,

Into this abyss of tangled emotions and pain.

He's too much like the one I used to hold dear,

A pale reflection of love that will never be again.

I didn't want to fall for another after Bugga's departure,

The wounds still fresh from that fateful day.

And yet here I am, smiling and giddy and broken,

Longing for a light in this darkened way.

I read his text with unshed tears in my eyes

As memories collide with present reality.

I hate how he reminds me of what once was mine

While death's icy grip steals all finality.

I miss him.. still I miss him. It's been almost a year. I thought I was getting better and then M comes into my life. And every text, every call, every thought about . is just a painful reminder of what would have been today if I had been there in the past.. What I could have had with my genuine first lover. I hate that I blame myself for not being able to protect him from himself, even though we were both in a similar place.. I guess he was farther down that road then I thought.. Shit. Why can't I get over him? Why did I ever even confess to him?! I wouldn't be like this today if I had just stayed a fuckin coward and left him alone. I hate this. I hate that I still miss him and cry over him and that I just CANT GET OVER HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD

Somethings wrong with me.. I know it.

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