nyanyanyales - Tumblr blog

[nyanyanyales]

I've been working on a project but I had a really bad depressive episode almost did it again wrote a suicide note anyway- I'm feeling even more awful because I'm not working on said project it's a loop of self hatred and pain and I hate it

[nyanyanyales]

I'm not dead yet!!

[nyanyanyales]

Why did I plan for anything if I was gonna die anyway

[nyanyanyales]

I can't anymore. I'm not healing, therapy is doing nothing at all I'm still the same paranoid attention whore as before. My obsession go beyond hyperfixations and it's disgusting. I'm fucking disgusting and I can't do shit about it cause its so deeply ingrained in my brain. Nothing's is wrong with me I'm just an useless disgusting person who never should've been alive. I'm fine I'm just a stupid piece of shit, a mistake who never should've been alive. Nothing is going well and its all my fault I swear my new "friends" are only friends with me to get my, a minors, nudes and I can't say anything cause then I hurt them like I always do. Nothing is helping I've tried again and again but I can't get any better nothing is getting better for me. I whine all the time about wanting friends but when I make them I always fuck up. I'm just a burden for everyone around me I'm sorry for getting a disgusting piece of shit like me mom. I'm sorry if anyone sees this please just ignore this cause I'm just an attention whore and I can't get better you can't save me you can't fix me imsorrymomimsorrymomimsorrymomimsorrymom

[nyanyanyales]

Stop... stop lying to me please...

[nyanyanyales]

Please...

[nyanyanyales]

Gonna throw up in anxiety

[nyanyanyales]

Animated Girly My Melody Stickers

Today I discovered that Larme had a collab with My Melody for Line stickers many years ago. I decided it might be a good idea to post them for all your girly kei sticker needs.

[nyanyanyales]

Autistic trauma: School Edition

Hiding in the bathroom

Feel like social outcast

Constant self monitoring

Know you are not liked but not sure why

Bullied

Hyper vigilant

Lonely

Crying at home

Last pick for games

No real friends

Not invited to parties

Littlepuddins.ie

[nyanyanyales]

Tw for discussion of self harm and blades

Might be a stupid idea but I recently realized that retractable erasers look a lot like box cutters, to the point you could possibly diy them as accessories. Everyone’s experiences with self harm are different and so erasers could still be triggering/a method of harm, but if your issue is with blades/ knives then this might be a way to represent your experience with self harm without actually carrying a box cutter.

source

For some reason online they mostly come in packs like this. But all you would need to do is add decoration/ maybe cut it to look a bit more like a blade if you want, then hook it to a necklace and it’s done

source

the yellow one in this pack could easily be painted for a Menhera-chan cosplay/reference

[nyanyanyales]

Cute hospitalcore pixels!! cre: to the owners | Find more cute pixels in Ashepixels

[nyanyanyales]

I was gonna wait until I finished a bunch of these little designs to post this with the others in a large art dump, but I decided to go ahead and post this.

You can get this on a shirt, phone case, bag, sticker, and more here on my RedBubble.

[nyanyanyales]

Mew

[nyanyanyales]

hey guys new diagnosis just dropped: EVIL AUTISM

[nyanyanyales]

Okay but fr what is so good about autism? The constant meltdowns? My social issues? My hyperfixations that just make me not being able to consentrate on anything else? My "creepiness"? My disorder actively bothering other people? The trauma almost every neurodivergent kid faces? The infodumping that everyone hates? Having "wrong" hyperfixations? Not being able to make a single friend? /genq

The fuck are my positive things in autism?

[nyanyanyales]

Coming to terms with the fact that society hates autistic people

I just saw some comments that were like "If you're autistic, neurotypical people hate you" and "growing up as autistic in our neurotypical society is almost always inherently traumatizing." And you know what? I absolutely agree. It really resonates with me to hear fellow autistic and generally neurodivergent people talk about the hate, rejection, misunderstanding, and even dehumanization we receive from most neurotypicals.

My entire childhood was spent being the "weird girl" until I got good enough at masking to fit in better. Even now, as an adult, I get negative comments from my own (neurotypical) parents when I display certain neurodivergent behaviors. My family is always like "that's so Katy" and shake their heads when I act "too" autistic and it feels so fucking patronizing. I've had negative experiences and even disciplinary action at jobs I've had for exhibiting neurodivergent behavior (usually related to my ADHD, but sometimes autism too). My entire fucking life I've been told by society to not act too much like myself or else I'll put everyone off.

And then you see people being sympathetic to the parents of autistic children who abuse or even kill them. "It's sad, but it's understandable" neurotypical people say. Videos of autistic children having meltdowns are full of people saying that they should be locked up because they're no better than animals. We're seen as a burden, a drain on society, who are only tolerated if we learn to act "normal" and don't make the neurotypicals uncomfortable. Autistic people are front and center in "cringe" compilations and are ruthlessly bullied.

If I'm being honest, I'm still unlearning a lot of ableist thoughts that were instilled in me growing up. I sometimes catch myself thinking that other autistic people are annoying, and I have to stop myself and think "Do you really find them annoying, or were you programmed to be dismissive of people who don't act neurotypically enough?"

Anyway, idk where I'm going with this text wall. The older I get, the more I become aware of how much I've been harmed by an extremely ableist society, and it breaks my heart that more neurodivergent kids are being taught to suppress their true selves the way I was.

[nyanyanyales]

I want my childhood back I want to be the me who wasn't traumatized but now I'm almost an adult who's paranoid of everyone and everything

Thanks school for ruining my life