ntgek

[ntgek]

The leaves were falling and I started to cry

[ntgek]

I crave you deeper and deeper with each passing day. I dream of you more and more with each passing night. I hear your voice in the wind. I see your smile in the rain. I feel your touch in the sun. I know I can live without you. Yet without you, that life isn't worth living for.

[ntgek]

Why are you angry at what others have done to me? You have no right to be angry.

[ntgek]

I mimic and reflect the people around me. And for what? Validation, acceptance, love? I am pathetic.

[ntgek]

I am nothing without the people who created me in their own design.

[ntgek]

I will forever be a collection of others' ideals, morals and beliefs.

[ntgek]

I can't help but to give all of me even if it means destroying myself in the process.

[ntgek]

You took and took and took from me till I didn't exist anymore. Then, you created someone of your own design.

[ntgek]

It's okay to forgive and forget

[ntgek]

You can run as far as you want, but at some point, you have to face the past.

[ntgek]

Sick of feeling useless

I know this disease is killing me

I watch it tear piece after piece of me

Yet I remain silent; stuck in my ways

[ntgek]

Abandoning people before they can abandon me has become a wretched habit.

[ntgek]

I hold grudges

I abandon people

I lash out in anger

I take comfort in being alone

I will never tell you I love you

I am my father's daughter

[ntgek]

I thank God I am nothing like my mother.

Unfortunately, I am just like my father.

[ntgek]

I can't stand being lonely

[ntgek]

I am not my mother

I will not choose a man over my future kids

I will not threaten to take my life when I don't get my way

I will not emotionally manipulate the people who love me

I will not spend the rent money on drugs

I will not bring strangers into the house to gawk at my future kids

I will not go weeks without feeding my future children

I will not ignore or bottle my feelings

I will not blame others for being the way I am

I am not my mother

[ntgek]

I'm sorry

I must be so exhausting

Exhausting to be around to be loved

It must be tiring to have to hear from me

It's always the same story with me

That I was an abused child

That I promise I am healing

Yet each day I complain about feeling worthless

I hate myself

But I don't want you to hate me