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[nsjang]

11.23.24

Nova talking in her sleep next to us: “Safe. Safe.”

Another dream later on: “I want purple.”

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11.13.24

Taeyang watching a video of mommy walking down the aisle with one of the groomsmen at Heesu and Frankie’s wedding: “Why is mommy marrying that guy?”

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10.27.24

Nova: "Come look at my poop, it's stacking!"

Gross. But creative use of stacking.

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9.12.24

Elio started crawling today! Mobility starts.

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8.10.24 [mommy's entry in the Covid quarantine bedroom with TY while daddy, nova and elio are in the master bedroom]

TY is 2 days shy of becoming 2nd grader and 2 weeks shy of becoming age 7.

We just returned back to Alameda from our 2 months trip to Korea. Our time in Korea can be summarized in 2 ways: fun and amazing activities and achievements + emotional drama with halmony. Or if I put it in TY-specific perspective: level up in self-confidence and skills + lots of being scolded and being yelled at everyday.

Two sides of the story. TY is growing up. He is getting taller and looks handsome and ppl may view him as a great kid. But it's a family secret that he can be a mean oppa who makes his younger sister cry every single day and not a day has gone by without being yelled at. Not only that, we did receive several phone calls from Yu Ming regarding his troublesome behavioirs past 2 years...

Today, we all stayed home without any activities (recovering from Covid + jetlag). Half of the times, Nova and TY can play nicely together. They played hide n seek together and did activities book together.

But the other half of the time is filled with Nova's screaming, stomping and crying: "I Don't want OPPA!!!" "Oppa is mean to me!!!"

TY goes "Nova, I got your koala! haha!" and runs upstairs with her fav doll and hides it. Another time, Nova is on the revolving chair and TY keeps on turning and turning the chair until Nova's foot gets scraped by the nearby chair and scream...and another time, TY intentially flies drone or helicopter near Nova knowing that Nova is scared of it. TY stomps towards Nova and makes scary deep noise to scare Nova. This household was filled with TY's annoying noise + Nova's scream and cries!!! omg!!!

And this incident happened that mad emommy's toll in the end of the day.

After dinner, while appa was packing away steak and while mommy was assisting Elio, Nova was quietly playing with Elio's toys (to make Koala's new house) while TY was playing piano. When TY saw Nova playing happily, all of a sudden he changes his interest and grabs that Elio toy from Nova. Of course Nova screams for help.

Iike I usually do, I grabbed the toy back from TY and gave it back to Nova saying "no snatching. you need to ask permission first. try again." and so TY said "can I have it?" Nova said "No" and immediately TY grabs it back...

so I held TY's wiggly/giggly boddy to the couch. "Sit straight and look at mommy. I want to have a talk with you." But TY was lying down giggling away. So I told him that mommy will wait until he is ready. Took maybe 15 min for him to calm down and actually sit upm By that time, daddy nova and elio all went upstairs to wash up and get ready to sleep.

I asked TY "do you know what was wrong with your behavior there?" and TY says "I forgot." so I had to give him more time for him to get ready to talk. After some moment, I asked again and he was still silent. Still giggly and making faces and wiggly. Makes me so so angry. I did raise my voice here and there but I tried my best to not be consumed by anger.

I tried again, "tell me what you think you did wrong" and he says "taking nova stuff". so I had to say "use complete sentence so that I understand what you are saying.." but that didnt work much.

so next step, I asked what the rule was, and asked what he was supposed to say instead of grabbing. no answer..just wiggly and giggly uncontrolled body movements. so I gave him a situation. "Let's say I am playing with this stickers. Oh so fun! and you want to play with it too. What do you say to me?" I looked directly into his eyes.

and then TY's eyes just roll side to side up and down...i initally thought he was thinking hard. but the eyes were just moving up and down side to side up and down side to side again. he was mocking me..playing with this situation. not taking discipline seriously.

In silence..I was searching for words what to say to him. and tears started coming down. disappointment and frustration. What is going on with my son. what has happened to us.

i was sobbing (I had mask on so he could only see my eyes but my snot was coming out crazy as well..) and cried out saying "TY why are you becoming such a naughty boy? Why are you not listening to me? I want you to be a gentle and nice person. you know how to be nice but you choose to be mean to Nova. I asked you how to say can I take turn or can we play together rather than grabbing thinga from ppl but why are you not saying anything? is it because you dont understand? or you dont want to listen to me? what is going on? You already got yelled so many timws and got spanked by grandma for the same reasons and your behavior is not changing. that makes me so sad. do you want to make mommy sad? "

TY's eyes changes. TY' face changes. His posture finally straightened. He is finally listening to me.

I tried again. What so you say in that situation? he said "I want it". Out of frustration, I said "are you kidding me!??" "I told you numerous times! you say can we play together and if no, can I have my turn after you are done? and wait for it."

I asked if he can change. he said "I dont know".....

so I asked "can you try?" and finally he nodded.

i asked what would be the consequence if he makes nova cry or scream again tmr. long pause again and no answer. so I told him for the reminder I will take away his stickers that he is accumulating for camera. he said ok.

we did virtual hug (reluctant hug from TY) and ended the tear-filled discipline time.

I am honestly scared for TY to start a new year. What trouble will he get into? How many phone calls will I get?

How many more days of Nova screaming and crying because of oppa?

Am I doing something wrong?

What is the cause of hia behaviour? Nate and I are always asking this question but not improving.

God please give us wisdom.

[nsjang]

8.2.24

We lost Nova for 90 seconds at Phoenix Hotel Jeju. We she saw me and instantly started crying. I hugged her while feeling her small body breathe deeply through sobs.

Later that night in the kids play room, my heart felt a special protection over her, against all other bigger kids, watching carefully to make sure no other bigger kids would collide with her on the trampoline. It was an involuntary feeling. And I understood on some deeper level why God repeatedly emphasizes the weak, poor, crippled, humble, meek. Those are the ones God’s heart goes to, gets drawn to. God make me that. Give me deep humility.

[nsjang]

5.19.24

Elio realized he has a left fist today. Leftie?

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3.19.24

From her Alameda Montessori Preschool application on Nova’s greatest strengths:

Nova’s greatest strengths include her caring nature. She genuinely cares for her friends and their interests, thinks about what her friends would enjoy while at home, and continually wants to give gifts to them. At home, she is helpful with her new baby brother, always covering him with a blanket, giving him a stuffed animal to hold (at least rest near him, as he cannot hold anything yet), and asking to hold him.

She is also communicative and in touch with her emotions. When she comes home after a day out, she excitedly relays what she did that day with her friends and what she learned and experienced.

She has a strong will and expresses what she wants, needs, and likes clearly. She is able to hold her own against her big brother, but also compromising and negotiating when needed.

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3.10.24

Nova: “I want oatmint!” (Oatmeal)

It’s her favorite food these days.

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2.24.24

Nova putting on the 7th necklace, Taeyang shouts, “Nova why do you have to be so pretty? Everyone already knows you are a princess!”

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12.3.23

Driving back from fish store with 2 bags of fish (8 cardinal tetras and 3 dwarf chain loaches), each kid wanted to hold a bag. We went to pick up mommy’s free stuff for baby. Kids got out for some reason. So I moved the fish bags away to front seat in the meantime.

Got back in car, Nova wanted to hold the fish. “FIIISH! FIIISH!”

“You should say ‘Can I hold the fish please?”

Back and forth x20.

“Plz.”

“Ohhh good job ok here you can hold the fish!”

But she refused surprisingly, “I didn’t say please.”

So we took the fish back. Few minutes later she finally uttered the requisite words, “can i hold the fish please?”

Yay. Fish are awesome. Kids are awesome. Sue is awesome for coming into fish store with us all this time (to pee, but still!).

[nsjang]

12/6/23 Nova:

“I’m a big girl, I’m a strong girl, and I’m a powerful girl.”

“Daddy daddy! I’m a big girl and I’m a heavy girl.”

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10.29.23

Went to Westfield Valley Fair yesterday, found an arcade, and one batman game that gives disproportionately more points than all the other games. The person before us won over 8000 points and we had to come back 10 minutes later for it to finish giving the points.

We got 1289 points, he got a tech deck, plus an obligatory toy for Nova (foam unicorn cat for 130 points). At home, showed him fingerboarding videos, tried it with him for 20 minutes. He started pondering the origins while I was brushing teeth and unable to answer: "What does tech mean? What does deck mean? Who started it? Where did it come from? How did someone make it a small skateboard? How do you make it?"

Innate curiosity is perhaps homo sapiens' greatest evolutionary characteristic that has shaped the course of our species.

[nsjang]

10.29.23

Nova was sitting in the shower 20 minutes after everyone else was done, surrounded by squishy balls she had been placing one by one into a bottle with a half inch opening. "I need help."

I go into the shower and help her. "You need to put them slow or else they will fall out. See?"

"I got a pink one."

"We need to pick up all these over here," on the shower shelf.

I ask why she wanted to pick up all the squishy balls. "Because it's so messy."

I imagined telling her stories when she grows up that she had this need for organization from birth. Very different from Taeyang, a chaotic energy ball who thrives and giggles uncontrollably at creating disorder, with his friends and especially his little sister.

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10.30.23

Taeyang's favorite phrase: "Umma uh!"

He also has a secret language he made up. A spider language called guatinese.

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10.30.23

Nova standing on the scale: 28.4 pounds. "See, I'm strong, right?"

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10.25.23

Relayed by Joyful Daycare teacher a few days ago: Nova woke up from a nap, grumpy. She stayed grumpy through circle time. Finally, after encouragement to speak her mind, she pronounced: "我要 hug!"

Teacher hugged her happily, told her she could speak her mind about what she needed, and all was well.