notsoangeel

[notsoangeel]

Untold Story

“MOMENTH OF TRUTH”

by Angel Joy D. Aldava

“Wag n’yo silang pagsamahin. Pareho hinid marunong maglaro ‘yan” Then our groupmates burst into laughter.

We decided to play doubles in badminton after practicing our dance for the upcoming program in our school in which we’re going to represent our section.

“’Wag n’yo na ipamukha sa amin na ‘di kami marunong maglaro ni Angel. ‘Wag kayong bastos.” Vergel said trying to hide his smile. Vergel and I was the only person in the group that’s not very athletic and don’t know to play any sports so they are always mocking us.

Every break or before we start the practice while we’re waiting for our other groupmates, we always play badminton. One time, I and Vergel decided to play badminton on our own to practice but no matter how hard we try, we always end up hurting our wrist which makes our classmates and friends laugh.

“Ayoko na nga!” I gave up and tossed my badminton racquet to a friend while drinking my water. I observed how Vergel kept following me, and as our gazes met, we both burst out laughing at ourselves.

Every practice, if there is a chance to play, I always play with Vergel. One day, I’ve got a conversation with his friends Ezra, Zarina, and Ryza. “Lagi kayong magkasama ni Vergel, ah.” Ezra teased, making my brow furrow. “So?” I asked but they just laughed at me. “Baka mamaya malaman namin bigla, kayo na pala.” Ryza said and then they laughed again. I'm not sure what they were talking about that time, so I looked at them puzzled. I was about to ask them what do they mean when Vergel pulled and handed me the racket, so I shrugged and chose to concentrate on our game, disregarding what his friends told me.

I'm not sure what happened next, but the next thing I know is that we became inseparable at school and were often contacting each other when we went home. I'm not sure how this happened, but I don't care because I'm so happy with him. That's the only thing that matters for me. I can still remember a day when we had a group activity and took advantage of the opportunity to spend the entire day together, from eight o'clock in the morning to seven o'clock in the evening. 8:00 a.m-12:00 p.m in our groupmate’s house and 1:00 p.m-7:00 p.m in school and I can say that those days were the happiest moment in my life, at that time.

Sometimes, he'll ask our classmates sitting next to me if they can switch seats so he can sit beside me and hold my hand under our table while our teacher is discussing. Simple things, but it gives me the butterflies in my stomach.

The bond between us grows stronger as time passes and I recall the day when we were overjoyed because I was included again in the list of "With Honors", which prompted him to make his promise. “Magkakasama din ako sa with honors tapos pareho tayong aakyat sa stage. Promise ko sa’yo ‘yan.” He said with his sparkling eyes full of happiness that makes me fluttered.

We're pleased to be in one other's company as if we're made for each other. Everything about him draws me. I like how he smells, and I love how he looks at me with fondness and then smiles pleasantly. I remember that I used to open his bag just to get his perfume, spraying it all over my body before leaving so that even when I came home, I could still sense his presence since his scent lingered on my body. The days flew by, and everything was perfect.

We thought our bliss would last forever, but the realization comes to our mind when one day, my mother talked to me and told me that we were moving from Malabon to Quezon City and would be living there permanently. When my mother told me that, I quickly shook my head and said, “No! I don’t want to leave.” I cried so hard when I received the news and he is the first person who comes to mind. I thought of Vergel and think what will be going to happen to us.

When I told him about us leaving, he just smiled and nodded, trying to suppress his sadness. He told me that he understands and that I should go with my parents and not be too stubborn because we both know that I had no choice. He also said that he will never forget me and will keep in touch with me. I nod because I am confident that he will keep his word.

When we're together in the remaining days, we never waste a second. I'll be leaving soon, so we savored every moment we had together, and when the time came for me to leave, he presented me with a pile of letters and chocolates because he knows that I love chocolates and written letters. When we were about to go home, Vergel, his friends, and my friends decided to accompany me to where my father was waiting to fetch me, and when we were a few steps away from my father, he hugged me tightly, which surprised me and at the same time, makes me worried because I know that my father saw how he hugs me, but I decided to ignored my nervousness since I wanted to cherish my last time with everyone who has played a significant role in my life.

I force myself to smile and look at Vergel because I don’t want him to see me sad. We look at each other for the last time and he gives me a sad smile before waving his hands, a sign of goodbye. I didn’t know that it was the last time that I’m going to see him. I thought that we were going to see each other again but after a month of being away from each other, he started being cold, and the last thing that I remembered was the connection between the two of us was gone. The door between us was officially closed and it will never be opened again.

But after that happens, the new door opens for me. A new opportunity and a new hobby that will help me grow. Reading. My broken heart brings me to a paradise that will give me a piece of mind. I was so happy and starting to feel like myself again. I can say that I moved on but after a couple of months, I’ve heard from my friends that Vergel made it. Vergel was able to get up on stage but sadly, not for me. He’s on stage not to fulfill his promise to me but to fulfill his promise to someone. I’m happy for them, of course, but I can’t hide the fact that I’m in pain because he made that promise for me but he fulfills it for someone else.

This experience in my life has taught me that you can't be happy all of the time because life is full of ups and downs and all we have to do now is cherish and retain every memory we have. When it comes to making promises, we should never promise to a person if we’re happy because that is a very impulsive decision that everyone can ever make. Most of the promises made in the name of happiness are rarely kept. Promises are a huge life decision that should be carefully thought out. Also when a door closes, just wait because it might be a way to open a new door that will make you grow and realized a lot of things. Everything happens for a reason, thus we shouldn't be disappointed if a door closes since another door of opportunity will soon open.

[notsoangeel]

Memoir

“VICTORY IN DISGUISE”

by Angel Joy D. Aldava

Trigger Warning: Self-harm

Years ago, I want to go win but right now, I just want to be me, without a mask on, and live my best life. If I could go back in time, I’m going to settle to average. Maybe if I had done that in the past, I wouldn't have such high expectations, wouldn't be so hard on myself right now, and wouldn't have broken myself apart over my ambition. I had no idea that my desire to be "successful" and "prove something to others" would crush me into fragments like a shattered glass that could never be repaired and the crack could no longer mend.

 Taking my study seriously and starting to be active in school in seventh grade, brings me happiness and confidence. The sweet smile plastered on my parent’s faces and their glistening eyes while looking at me was so satisfying and brings me real happiness. 

That good feeling of making my parents happy and proud while enjoying my high school life with all the school work and activities together with my classmates and friends was everything. Contentment lingering in my body, no pressure, no high expectations, and just pure happiness and love for myself, as I create my own tower that can shine and stand out among the crowd.

Realizing that you’re not happy with what you’re doing as the years pass is the worst feeling that you will feel. My own family putting too many expectations and pressure on me that I can’t take was suffocating. I'm too frail to take a bunch of criticism from them every time I don't live up to their expectations and that makes me feel worse.

If only I can talk to them and tell them to stop because they’re hurting me, I would have done it a long time ago, but sadly, I can’t because I’m too coward and weak to speak up and stand on my own feet. The tower I made is magnificent from the outside, but it is in shambles deep within and might collapse at any moment. They believe I'm still happy and enjoying my life as a "good daughter," but little did they know, I'm breaking down on the inside and frightened of making a mistake for fear of being judged.

Time goes by, I realized that I become my own worst enemy and it was getting worse day by day. They stopped putting a lot of pressure on me but I began to put a lot of pressure on myself. Funny to think that I despised my family's expectations and wished that they would stop demanding so much from me which they did one day but I began to set a goal for myself, which quickly escalated into chaos in my head. Their expectations of me have decreased, and I have a very small probability of failing them, so I'm extremely pleased, but I found myself in a battle with my own. I don't appreciate small things that used to make me happy and started doubting myself that doesn’t feel good at all.

Fear and resentment towards myself clouded my mind. How did I become into this? Why did I turn into a monster in my own eyes? Why did I allow myself to be ruined? Those are the questions that are running through my head on a daily basis. This pushed me into the abyss, and I began to do things that could destroy me.

For almost two years, cutting my wrist has been my coping mechanism, and every cut felt amazing. For a year, I will cut my wrist whenever that I’m hurt because I wanted to feel alive but one day, I almost hanged myself the day that one of my aunt insults me in front of my cousins. It’s not good for me but I can feel happiness through this. This serves to remind me that not everything that makes you feel good and happy is appropriate because being deceived by our own feelings can be misleading.

My friends were being furious by what I'm doing, and when one of them saw it, she snatched me and smacked my wounded wrists. At the time, I thought that maybe someone could help me and that I could solely rely on others, particularly my friends, but whenever that they are handing me advice, it always becomes useless, because I was so preoccupied with figuring out how to escape my agony, my mind was blocked to absorb and digest all of their words.

One thing snapped me awake: one of them stated, "Walang ibang makatutulong sa'yo kundi ang sarili mo lang." I had no clue I was intensifying my situation. I want to get up, but I refuse to treat myself and instead choose to rely on someone else, burying myself even deeper.

It’s tiring to live and fill in your desires to yourself because sometimes, it could be the reason for you to sink and drown in the ocean of expectations and never be able to get up again, buried beneath the waves with pain and dissatisfaction in your heart. Learn how to handle yourself since no one knows what you're capable of if you lose control. It's fine to dream and has ambitious goals. It's fantastic to have a one-of-a-kind tower, simply ensure that your tower has a solid foundation that will allow it to survive any storm or hurricane that may arise because that's where your journey begins.

[notsoangeel]

Autobiography

“WHISPERS OF SCORCHING DESIRE”

by Angel Joy D. Aldava

I grew up constantly being overshadowed by other people's brilliance and unable to stand out, believing that I flourished in a world where I was merely a supporting character who played a little role in the protagonist's life and not the focus of the storyline. Is it possible that you're a supporting character who ends up becoming the antagonist in her own story? Nobody, they say, is the villain in their story, but why have I become one? I’ve become the villain in my own story and a monster in my eyes because I’ve got blinded by the ambition that leads me to self-destruct.

I was born with a powerful voice. Not because I have a great voice to be proud of or because I can unleash a beautiful melody that will soothe the waves, but because when I was born, I served as an alarm clock that woke up all the babies in the nursery who were peacefully sleeping. They will cry with me whenever I cry, just like my friends who will sympathize with me in every situation I have. The reason behind it is that I cried all the way to the bottom of my lungs. My booming voice awakens all of the newborns and makes the medical workers uneasy. Isn't that a powerful voice?

I was brought into being at Chinese General Hospital and Medical Center located in Sta. Cruz Manila, Philippines at exactly 11:14 p.m. on August 18, 2005. I was meant to be a C-section baby, but my mother says that I suddenly turned around, as if scared of being cut by the scalpel, and positioned myself to come out, causing everyone, especially my parents, to panic. I was born in normal delivery and all the medical supplies that are ready for my supposed to be C-section delivery are all donated to the hospital. My given name was intended to be "Princess Angel," but my older brother, Arjay, convinced my mother to name me "Angel Joy" instead, which I am grateful for. Although I dislike the word "joy," it is preferable to "Princess."

My parents, Jelito and Francia Aldava, were the ones who first gave me the unconditional love I needed. We may not be wealthy enough to afford all the things that my brother, my younger sister I desire, but they make an effort to provide us with the necessities that we needed as their children. Our family used to live in Panghulo, in a little area of Malabon, where I first encountered the twisted world. I can still remember the Talisay tree that my mother planted when she was pregnant with me. Others are afraid of that tree because they said that a Kapre is living there but I don’t believe them. That tree was like my friend since I was a kid and we had a lot of memories together.

My family calls me “Angelina”. Who wouldn't admire a lively, bright, and confident girl who could make anyone's day and brighten their moods with a simple smile and a chuckle? That's how I've always been, and no one can stop me from being a caring, generous, and warm-hearted person, which is why my aunts and uncles admired me when I was a kid.

Just like any other kids, when I started kindergarten in Panghulo Day Care Center and met two of my childhood friends, Haron and Mia, I acquired my fondness for writing gratitude letters every time I'm pleased or appreciative of something they've done for me. I'll write them letters, hide them in my pencil case, and give it to them the next day. I truly enjoy what I'm doing because it makes me happy, and it's a way for me to express my gratitude for their kindness. One of the reasons I started writing letters, I believe, was because of Haron and Mia. They helped me in developing and writing the things that I want to convey because, despite being a confident and brilliant girl, I am timid about directly expressing my sentiments. I do those writing every day as a routine like it was a part of my living.

Haron, Mia, and I quickly bonded, as if we were connecting puzzle pieces that had finally come together. We frequently visit each other's houses because our moms are friends. Despite the fact that we are not related, they were my closest friends who have taught me how to cherish and love people.

I was in living a happy kindergarten life when I asked our most intelligent classmate for the spelling of her name because I wanted to write her a letter, but she teased me and said, "Hala si Angel, ang hilig magsulat ng love letter," and she laughed hysterically. Even though I was only five years old at the time, I can still remember that scenario and the tone of her voice because what she said remains engraved in my memory and will never be forgotten. It's too late to repair the damage it did to me as a child.

That day, I return home really upset - which is unusual of me - and I'm still thinking about what she said. “Should I be ashamed?” “Does giving letters inappropriate?” “Should I stop giving my classmates an appreciation letter as a sign of thanking them?” Those are the words that are running to my head. That same day, the joyful, compassionate, and confident girl turned into a shy and quiet kid. My smile as a kid slowly fades, my confidence was slowly drifting away and started to distance myself from people. As early as five years old, I learned how to be conscious of the things that I will do that stop me from enjoying my childhood. Because of that, I no longer bring joy to my family and started being an outcast. At every family reunion where I will see all my cousins, no one will notice me. I was there, sitting on the corner, watching them have fun and talk to each other, while I was just silently observing. They are even comfortable badmouthing other members of our family in front of me because they know that I will never tell anyone about what I have heard since I was like a wind circulating around the room that no one will notice.

I remember going to Manila Ocean Park, Rizal Park, and Intramuros on a school trip when we were in kindergarten. I'm with my Mama, Mia, and ate Lea (Mia's mother), whereas Haron and ate Nora (Haron's mother) were unable to join us due to various reasons. All of my classmates were documenting themselves, while I sat in the corner, minding my own business and avoiding the camera. Perhaps someone will be curious as to what five-year-old thoughts are. I was frightened, insecure, and shy, to answer the question. I was supposed to be having a great time, but I didn't. I lie down and cuddled one of the statue dogs in the park, and it's weird to think that it provides me comfort while I watch my friend Mia take photos. She is beautiful and confident. If you ask me if I am jealous of her, I will tell you that I am not because my mother has always told me, "'Wag na 'wag kang maiinggit sa kung ano ang meron ang iba dahil hindi magandang ugali 'yan," and so as a well-raised daughter, I have imprinted that in my mind. Jealousy can cause you grief and fill your heart with hatred that isn't beneficial for you.

I think destiny was meant to punish me by forcing me into circumstances I can't handle because the same thing that happened on our school trip happened again on our graduation day. I was quiet and anxious, making it difficult for me to enjoy my day. The good thing is that my friends Haron and Mia are always there to console me. While everyone else was focused on getting a good picture that would serve as a lasting memory of the day, I was just sitting in one of the chairs, smiling, but knowing that deep down, I was unhappy. That day, the center of attention was the girl who made me very distant from people. The one who we considered the most intelligent classmate we have but not smart enough to realize that she says bad things to me. And that’s how my kindergarten life ended.

It's a little difficult for me to start elementary because Haron is now in a different section and Mia goes to a different school. It gives me hard time to adjust since I don’t have friends in my section, though, I have classmates that were also my classmate in kindergarten, but they are constantly bullying me because of my skin color as well as the mole on my nose. They are making fun of me and calling me names because I have a darker complexion than they do. I can’t do anything but smile before turning my back away from them. It’s annoying to think that I choose to smile rather than fight back and defend myself but I was too fragile to manage them at the moment. I know where I belong, and I'm not going to get in their way. Even when they are ripping my chest into shattered pieces without even realizing it, the best thing I can do is ignore them.

The first and second grades in Panghulo Elementary School were challenging for me, so I return to writing. Not an appreciation letter like the one I used to write when I was five years old, but poems that were written by a seven-year-old girl in second grade as a response to bullying. I never tell anyone and chose to keep it hidden because I was scared of being bullied again. No one knows about my school experiences and how terribly I was bleeding deep beneath my smile, even my parents don’t know about this because I don’t want to start a fight. I remained a shy type of girl not until I met Ghea in my third grade. She became my best friend, always standing by my side to protect me from bullies and encouraging me to grow in confidence. She helped me regain my former self, which I finally did, and we became best friends, sharing many secrets, including our crushes. We supported each other in all of our school activities and never let our guards down. She awoken my true personality hidden inside me, taught me how to fight for myself if I know that they are already disrespecting me, and how to be strong without the help of other people.

In sixth grade, I bonded with Ghea, Bea, Uzel, Krizza, and Marione, while Haron became my classmate again. That year was extremely enjoyable for me since I went on another school trip with Ghea, Marione, and Krizza without our parents, but Haron and his mother, Ate Nora, were there to at least guide us all. We have a great day and I remember that Ghea, Marione, and I fled and choose to separate to Haron and Ate Nora because she’s a bit killjoy. Krizza choose to stay beside ate Nora and Haron so we just let her be with them while the three of us went exploring without our tour guide or teachers. Our adviser eventually went looking for us because she was worried, and when she found us, she decided to join us in our own world since she knows that we will have much more fun if she was not going to be a killjoy. She even teased me for having a crush on Marione that makes us all laugh, even Marion himself. He is my friend and he knows that I have a crush on him but he doesn’t care at all. He still treats me as his friend.

When we reached Zoobic Safari, I was enthralled by the various animals that resided there. It was my first time seeing a crocodile, as well as other species I had never seen before. We boarded a jeep and drove into the Tiger Safari, where I sat next to the window where the tiger would be fed. When I witnessed the tiger open his mouth wide as he was going to take his food, a smile appeared on my face. They're all scared and nervous, and some of the kids are crying, but my friends and I are laughing and loving what we're watching.

Sometimes I'll look up at the stars and wonder what I did wrong to be able to experience things like this. Whenever I become joyful, something awful will inevitably occur. In sixth grade, when my teacher humiliated me in front of my classmates, the foundation that I had created since third grade began to sag. Because our room does not have a curtain to keep the sunlight from invading our classroom, Ghea and I tried to cover the Jalousie with our notebooks, but it accidentally slipped on my hand and fell on the window. My teacher, Sir Leo, shouted in front of our class, "Ang arte arte mo kasi. Akala mo naman ang puti-puti mo," I wanted to cry at the time because of the words he said, but I decided to smile instead.

I’ve got poisoned because I ate the words that society feeds me. I've allowed it to spread through my veins till it reaches my heart and destroys my consciousness. Opening a new chapter of my life when I entered Junior High School really gives me a thrill. I promised myself that I will study hard and will try to get a medal. Ghea, Krizza, and Haron were still in the same school as me, but they were in a different section, but Marione and Uzel went to a different school and I never saw them again. This is where Jonalyn and Jaymaica entered the picture.

They become my best buddies in high school, entered the Girls Scout of the Philippines (GSP) Club in our school together, and studied well with each other to be included in the “with honor’s list”. We are always fulfilling the duties of a girl scout in the school and assisting in maintaining the orderliness and cleanliness of the school. We participate in a variety of GSP activities such as the Sunrise Parade, Splash Galore, Escoda Day Celebration, and many more events and projects. We also competed in several contests, such as the Pasta Making Contest, where we were awarded for having the Most Flavorful Pasta and Best in Teamwork among all the girl scouts in Malabon coming from different schools.

I was doing well with my friend, happy, contented, and confident when suddenly the most intelligent person in our class entered the picture again. The person who caused my change because of what she said to me. Ladylyn. Everyone is looking up to her because of her intelligence, yet her words were like a knife that could pierce your soul, but she doesn't seem to realize it. She has caused a lot of harm to others as a result of her crude remarks, but it was all in good fun for her. Because of her, my confidence was rattled the second time around. I never thought of her as the antagonist in my life at the time because she always gave me the impression that she was the main character in the story that we were living, and I was just a normal student who was intended to be her toy. This is the point at which I throw all of the notebooks containing all of the poetry that I made and declare that I will never write again.

I reverted to my old quiet and introverted self, but only until I met Vergel in 8th grade. He made me realize how valuable and lovely I was. Because of what Vergel taught me, I learned how to disregard Ladylyn and her negative remarks for the first time in my life. “Be yourself and don't let what others say impact you since you can shine on your own." That's what he taught me. After Ladylyn shattered my heart twice, I am finally enjoying my life. I was extremely delighted with Jaymaica, Jonalyn, and Vergel, who were always there for me when I needed them and sympathized with me in any situation but not until my family decided to move to Quezon City. I was nervous and sad at the same time because it is my second time losing my friends but even though we're no longer together, I'll cherish all of our memories and appreciate all of the things I've learned from them.

When I transferred to Judge Feliciano Belmonte Sr, High School, Quezon City, I was taken aback by how eager everyone was to make friends with me. There I met my friends Jeren, Jeremiah, Roan, Eloisa, Kim, and Errol in such a wholesome environment that I had wished for my entire life. I'm not sure why we became so close because they are all mature, whereas I am a crybaby who cries over minor things. I've never told them how much they mean to me, but they're important subjects that help me re-establish my foundation.

We may appear to be a typical group of friends, but we are not. When we come together, we may cause havoc and be more destructive than a hurricane, but that's where we live our lives. Attacking, teasing, being rude or mean, and trash-talking each other. We are always like that but we all know that it’s just all a joke. No one in our circle really takes those seriously because it is our love language and that is where we can show how much we value each other.

We all have different personalities, which I believe helps us to get along. Since then, Roan has always given me the creeps. She gives off a strong personality, but she's actually a softie. Eloisa is the oldest of us all, yet she always acts as if she is the youngest, whereas Jeremiah makes me want to slap his face for no apparent reason whenever I see him. He's the jokester in our group, yet his jokes regularly make me want to kick him. Kim is our group's nicest and smartest member. She's normally silent and sits in the corner while the rest of us have a friendly fight. Errol, on the other hand, seems to be the most innocent of the seven among us, yet he's the one who has the ability to get into your nerves in a matter of seconds when he speaks that makes me want to bury him 6 feet under.

Among the six of them, I’m closest to Jeren. She’s my walking diary and she knows all my secrets. During the time when I was so devastated because of pressure, she was there for me. She’s the strongest and most mature among them all. She never let others control her life and get affected by what they said. She’s always like that, a cold unbothered girl. But when she told me about her problem one day, I stopped telling her about my problems and began to comfort her instead. I don't want to be a burden to her any longer, and I also want to console her, like she used to do when I was having trouble with my existence.

I can compare Jeren to nature. They both have a great contribution to my life and cause me to relax.

I can still smell the wind whispering in my ear, which aids me to meditate while sitting close to the window, clutching a magazine that I found on our bookshelf when I was five years old. I didn't get it to read the content; instead, I got it to look for the photographs. I'm not sure what kind of magazine it is, but there are all types of houses in it. I used to make a note of houses built in the middle of the woods, on the crest of a mountain, or in any other natural setting since I've always been fascinated by nature and dreamed of living in the province since I was a child. I can't adequately describe the euphoria that I can experience simply by looking at healthy, growing plants, but it feels as if it's curing even the deepest part of my soul, and what more if I inhaled a fresh breeze from the trees around me. It's a true delight and an untold antidote to my stress.

I've lost track because of the incessant pain that enters my life. I can't think and all I want is for the voice inside my head to stop. Various colored thoughts are flying around inside my head, making me feel even worse. All I want to do is shine in my own light, so how did I eventually end up destroying myself? Little did they know, I went to a battle with myself and no one even knows. I almost kill myself because of the criticism, judgment, and pressure. I almost hung myself in my room in the middle of the night while everybody was sleeping.

People who are insensitive around me tend to contribute to my problem by lowering my self-confidence and esteem without even realizing it since they are insensitive. They usually say things that hurt me deeply and cause me to overthink things at night. My aunt pointed out all of my flaws and fears, as well as all of my traits that she finds unattractive one day and it leaves a big scar. I also despise spending time with my cousins because people constantly compare my appearance to theirs and ask questions like, “Ang gaganda ng pinsan mo, anong nangyari sayo?”, “Bakit di kayo magkamukha? Ang ganda nila ah.” And something like that. I even don't want my friends or classmates to see me with my cousins or see me in the same picture since I know that they would compare my appearance to theirs as if we should all look the same. I understand that I am not as lovely, beautiful, or as fair-skinned as they are, but there are moments when I want to scream at them and say, "Can you kindly shut your mouth if you have nothing good to say?”, but I always tried to keep it to myself since I didn't want to offend anyone even though they are already disrespecting me.

Being in this scenario makes me wonder how I can maintain my composure, be kind, and show respect to individuals who do not even deserve it. I'm not sure how I manage to smile and act confident while the pain inside me was tearing me apart. I couldn't deny that I held a grudge against Ladylyn. From kindergarten to 8th grade, my so-called smartest classmate. I will lie to the stars if I say that I don’t blame her for what am I right now because he’s the reason why a five-year-old Angel has a clouded mind and have insecurities at such an early age.

I spent a lot of time blaming her for my breakdown, but it was actually my fault since I opened my ears and allowed society to poison my head. I'm the one to blame for not helping myself to stand up and relying on my friends, despite the fact that I know they won't be by my side forever. I've always looked up to her as a role model because I believe she's the main character in my life, and I've always underestimated myself, which has caused me to be the villain in my own story.

Haron and Mia help me raise, but Ladylyn pushes me down. I met Ghea, who taught me how to be tough and created a strong foundation in life, but I let Ladylyn push me down again the second time. I thought I'd never go down again after moving to Quezon City and finally getting rid of Ladylyn and meeting my friends, but I was mistaken because I did. Not because of Ladylyn or anybody else, for that matter. It's entirely due to my own fault. I let the monster inside me loose, allowing her to swallow my sanity. It makes me realize that the problem here was me and not Ladylyn or anybody else. Destiny has provided me with numerous opportunities to stand up, but I have ignored and chosen to be weak, which places me to blame.

There are people that will come and afterward will go away but they will give you the most memorable things in your life. Some of them are good, while others are horrible, but the most important thing is that you must learn from them. It's nice to have friends to rely on, but it's not good to depend on the most of the time because it could lead to your destruction. People will come into our lives and teach us the lessons we need to learn, and it is up to us to decide whether or not we will apply those lessons to our lives. Everything that happens in our lives is a product of our decisions, but we sometimes want to blame someone else because we are unable to admit our own shortcomings. They may have contributed to a specific condition in our lives, but it is not their fault if something bad happens to you; it is up to you to decide whether you will fall for it or not. Being a villain is tricky, but if you don't allow yourself to become one, you will never be a monster in your own story.

[notsoangeel]

Biography

"OVERFLOWING SENSES"

Biography of Miriam Palma Defensor Santiago

“Leadership is not about personality; it’s about behavior – an observable set of skills and abilities.”

There are some people who are born to rule, such as Miriam Palma Defensor Santiago, who was conceived with the capacity to dominate. June 15, 1945, in Ilo-ilo City, is not a typical day because it is the day where a ruler was born because Miriam was brought to life by Dimpna Palma, a college dean, and Benjamine Defensor, a local judge, who gave Miriam a scorching affection of parents. She grew up with a rigorous mother at her shoulder, who instilled in her the idea that failing to live up to the family's standards would be a big disgrace to their ancestors, a lesson she has engraved on her mind and which has made a significant contribution to her life. Her mother is educated and has a high school average of 95, which has aided her in obtaining a master's degree in psychology. Miriam believes that her brilliance was passed down to her from her parents because both sides of her family are sharp and intelligent, and both of her parents have a high level of education.

According to her, she spoke like an ancient Anglo-American literate literary writer even though she was just five years old and still in kindergarten. A young Miriam also wanted to be a scientist and used to play with chemicals and invent things because that’s playing for her since she grew up thinking that playing games like bahay-bahayan are ridiculous and funny. Miriam is not a typical kid because she was a bookworm who would fight bullies for her favorite history book after a guy purposefully bumped against her, causing her book to fall.

Girls are absolutely remarkable and can turn your world upside down if you've messed up with the things they like. She was enrolled at Lincoln School where her mother was a dean. She once grabbed the hair of her teacher’s niece because she’s repeatedly erasing Miriam’s work on the board which causes her to lose her patience. Miriam begins a new chapter in her life after her mother steps down from Lincoln, and she enrolls in La Paz Public Elementary School in grade five, where she graduated valedictorian. Miriam's parents impacted her and had a tremendous effect on her quality of life and how she came to possess such intellect. Becoming prominent because of a gorgeous look is particularly prevalent, but being famous because of the intellectual capabilities that God bestowed upon you is incredibly spectacular.

Miriam attended Ilo-Ilo Provincial High School, where she exhibited her writing prowess by becoming the Editor in Chief of the student newspaper, "The Illongo." Miriam's abilities are truly a gift, as she shone like a celebrity. She was also valedictorian of her high school class.

She entered the University of the Philippines, Iloilo campus when she was 16 years old in 1961, with the goal of becoming a lawyer and took a Bachelor of Arts degree in Political Science. Miriam makes good use of his abilities and devotes a significant amount of time to her studies, which is outstanding. As a result, she received first prize in university competitions in orator poems, short tales, and essays in 1993, although she had been afflicted with a lengthy and terrible sickness. She fell into a deep melancholy as a result of a stubborn case of amoebic dysentery and even missed a month of the semester, but because of Miriam's animosity, she forced herself to stand up and face the final examination, which she passed and graduated magna cum laude in 1965.

She was directed to the UP College of Law in Quezon City, where she studied diligently and became the first female editor-in-chief of the prestigious and influential Philippine Collegian in 1968. She graduated in 1969 and became the special assistant of Secretary of Justice Juan Ponce Enrile, and she soon stayed on under the new secretary of justice, Vicente Abad Santos. She met Narciso "Jun" Santiago Jr. in law school, who was the polar opposite of her, and their love story began there, with her deciding to marry him after graduating from law school in June 1970 and decided to live in Quezon City.

On the thirteenth day of April, 1971, they received the first blessing to reinforce their love when their first child, Narciso III, was born. While their second child, Alexander, was born on October 2, 1981, she opted to abandon the 'legacy' established by her mother, allowing her children to be happy and free of undue pressure. She used to suffer as a child as a result of expectations, and she doesn't want her child to go through the same thing. She may not always be present for her children due to her commitment to public service, but she constantly tries to make amends and be a decent mother.

Miriam teach at Trinity College in Quezon City in 1971 and also began to write law articles and legal textbooks. Miriam rose to national prominence after issuing what is believed to be the first decision against martial law. Due to her blistering but powerful expressiveness in both leadership and writing, Miriam has been named "The Iron Lady of Asia" and the "Dragon Lady." Miriam earned both a Master of Laws and a Doctor of Judicial Science from the University of Michigan, Ann Harbor, in one and a half years, and went on to work as a special assistant to the Secretary of Justice after graduation. She was also a political science professor at Asia's Trinity University and was a law professor at the University of the Philippines Diliman for ten years, teaching evening lectures.

Miriam created the People's Reform Party (PRP) and campaigned for president as a senator in 1992 but she lost. In the year 1995, she ran as a senatorial candidate and was elected to the Senate for the first time and she campaigned for president again in the presidential elections of 1998.

The most devastating event in Miriam's life occurred in 2003, when her second child, Alexander, committed suicide. She once claimed that if she had known this would happen in her life, she would not have studied so hard and pursued a career as a lawyer if she would not be able to use it in the end.

Miriam ran for re-election as a senator in 2004, focusing on enacting significant laws that benefited the entire country. She ran for senator again in 2010 and won. For the majority of her three terms, she chaired the committees on international relations and constitutional revisions. Later after her cancer was deemed ‘stable' and ‘receded' by doctors in the United States, Miriam announced her desire to compete in the 2016 Philippine presidential election in October 2015 but unfortunately, she lost.

Miriam dies in her sleep at the age of 71 on September 29, 2016, while she was confined at the St. Luke’s Medical Center located in Taguig. Santiago's final words, according to her husband, were "I accept this. I do not want to do anything heroic." The next day, her body was laid in state at the Cathedral Grottos of the Immaculate Conception Cathedral in Cubao, and on October 2, she was laid to rest by the tomb of her son Alexander, who died in 2003, at the Loyola Memorial Park in Marikina, following a Catholic burial Mass. In an official statement, the local administration stated that Miriam "gave pride and honor to all Ilonggos."

Miriam had an unusual and unique childhood, but she appeared to relish it. A brilliant lady who made significant contributions and served our nation with respect must be honored forever. I appreciated her strength and intelligence since she acts as an example and role model for many of us, particularly teens. She inspires a lot of teenagers because of her intelligent and strong personality. Her tenacity and fearlessness in standing up for what she believes is right have set an example for Filipinos, particularly the youth. For her incredible perseverance, fearlessness, and stance for truth and justice, she is a fantastic role model to many people all around the world. Her life story tells us that if we sincerely believe in what we're fighting for, we can overcome any obstacle, no matter how large it is.

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Bliss

I slowly opened my eyes as I heard my heart slowly beating again, waking up from a deep sleep of yesterday, with the feeling of ecstasy lingering in my whole being. The tears immediately fall through my cheeks as I saw the light of hope that let me experience the freedom that I'd yearned for such a long time. The hope that released me from being chained to my past and gives my heart a new reason to live and survive.

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She Who Became the Sun

Once innocent girl with a heart full of happiness and enjoyment in life who vowed to the sky that she’ll never get tired of shining just like a beautiful sun, but eventually, her light slowly fades as judgment and harsh words were thrown upon her that causes her to lose her smile - just as the sun does when the dusk comes - but she had no idea that her story was far from over, since the sun like her would soon rise again. Her brilliance will return, and it will be far more brilliant than before.

She didn't actually lose her beauty and glow because her brilliant side only rested for a while and prepared for a brighter shine the next day.

Writing Prompt: Write about a character who does something they swore they would never do.