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28/08/18. (late). Day 239. I'm Better Than That.

Original song "Twenty Four" by St South, full lyrics:

Wasn’t one to walk home alone

Anything to get you off my phone

Don’t apologise unless you mean it

If it’s just to clear a conscious, I don’t wanna hear it ‘cause

I’m better than that

I’m better than that

I’m better than everything you said

I’m better than that

I’m better than that

I’m better than everything you said

I’m not one to drink on my own

Don’t need courage, no reason to roam

Scared enough feeling sober you know

Scared enough that you drink when you’re low

And then you made me cry on the train

Don’t need to hide tears in the rain

Twenty four and no birthday was great;

rubbed my back after saying you hated me

but I don’t hate her, I’m just trying to save her

but

I’m better than that

I’m better than that

I’m better than everything you said

I’m better than that

I’m better than that

I’m better than everything you said

I’m waiting to feel wanted over needed

Still wanting you to love me and mean it

But you’re happy, to lose me

so delete my fucking caller ID 'cause

I’m better than that

I’m better than that

I’m better than everything you said

I’m better than that

I’m better than that

I’m better than everything you said

I’m better than that

I’m better than that

I’m better than everything you said

I’m better than that

I’m better than that

I’m better than everything you fucking said

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27/08/18. 22:09. Day 238. Strength.

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26/08/18. (16:20) Day 237. Bredy Farm never disappoints. Ft. Bar dream team

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25/08/18. (01:01) Day 236. Starry Night. '...200 years ago a man by the name of Vincent wrote in a letter to his brother: "What I am in the eyes of most people - a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person- somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right then - even if that were absolutely true, then I should like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart." He then set brush to canvas and made this thing - this perfect, incredible, indelible thing - that in a dark museum hundreds of years later group after group will gather in front of in silent awe. He was a man who surely wrestled with the fear that he was not enough. And who from a blank canvas wrested the divine. I cry standing in front of it because beauty and love are their own dark arts, and humanity never ceases to surprise me.' - @meg_fee, Places I Stopped on the Way Home

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24/08/18. (00:02). Day 235. Success.

When I found out I wasn't going to uni last year I immediately wanted a job at the library. I searched online and the opening had been posted two hours previously. So, I went straight there with my laptop and spent all day wording the perfect application. I got asked to interview, and when I thought it wasn't my best shot I emailed my would-be-manager to please reconsider me, that I hadn't put my best foot forward and that I really really wanted this job. Turns out she wanted me before I reached out a second time, but the nudge helps. The nudge always helps. "If you don't ask you don't get" mum always said. It's good to have goals and to push yourself. Today was my last day at the library. It was bittersweet - onto new experiences, but also it's something I fought for and now I wouldn't have it any longer. 8 months of my life, incredible people, surrounded by books. You build your own reality. So, what do you define as success? A job? Money? A career? "Making it"? Or is it joy, memories, happiness...? Constantly redefining boundaries and stipulations is a part of the growing process. Accepting that not everything you thought would happen must happen is life itself. You aren't settling, you've just stopped expecting and started letting things be. And that's okay. Ps. not my picture or my quote!

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23/08/18. 22:23. Day 234. Doggo on Duty. After 4 years... I'm leaving this place. I guess the happiest part of home now is knowing I can always come back to it.

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22/08/18. 23:34. Day 233. Had a lovely day with these two today @oneofthetwo57

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21/08/18. 23:14. Day 232. Changing Blues. I'm sad. Just a little bit more than I've ever been in such a very long time.

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20/08/18. 22:25. Day 231. Glowing. From the inside out. A bunch of pictures from the last year depicting how I feel today.

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19/08/18. (01:23) Day 230. Well it wouldn't be summer without multiple fairgrounds and firework displays. Actually let's put the two together why don't we #VIPseating.

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18/08/18. (00:16) Day 229. Love you so much

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17/08/18. 22:36. Day 228. The prettiest days look like this.

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16/08/18. 15:02. Day 227. No one tells you what it will take. If I had known less than 12 months ago (what now feels like years) how much effort I’d have to put in I wouldn’t have put in half as much. And that’s the gift of not having foresight. Holding onto hope that tomorrow will be better makes it easier to endure today. Only I didn’t “endure” or even “tolerate”. I literally thrived as much as I could every second. If I felt I could do better I would. I went to gym at 6 in the morning for months in winter to show myself that I carry the sun with me. I broke away from toxic people because if I had to choose between negative company or positive solitude I will take the latter any day. I did what it took to be comfortable. I was comfortable anywhere I went. Home became a feeling not a place. It wasn’t always up though. On my down days I drove until I got lost and I kept driving until my eyesight went blurry. When the tank showed half I’d turn around. I never really knew where I was going, but the familiarity of my surroundings helped me. And the kindness of strangers. Where would we be without our compassion. I feel like every smile I’ve given someone rude and every silent moment I’ve granted to an argument was paid back to me tenfold in the shape of my friends mothers hugs and their fathers loaves of bread. In my own mothers calls in the late hours of the morning and my sisters visits on the weekend when she had more than enough of her own stresses. I haven’t found it difficult being alone. I’ve never felt lonely. The dog helps. But also, this year was time for myself and figuring out what I really want and who I really am. I want to enjoy every moment I can. I want to do what makes me happy. I want to inspire. I’m still figuring out who I am. We all are. Do your best. Every time. It will pay off. Trust yourself. - Archer

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15/08/18. 17:08. Day 226. Words.

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14/08/18. 21:31. Day 225. So this happened...! On the cover of the @femmerebellemagazine!! Team effort with the incredible photography of @annaklesse and HMUA @prettyhorrific!!

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13/08/18. 20:49. Day 224. I really feel like it's just raining sunshine many times a day for the past few hundreds of days, despite the weather. Everything that happens to you is for the better.

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12/08/18. 18:03. Day 223. Tell Me.