not-so-sure-about-anything

[not-so-sure-about-anything]

kinda in mourning of the child i had in my dream last night

it was one of the longest dreams i have ever had and was a series of snapshots of my life ranging from finding out i was pregnant to having a 10 year old as a 29 single mum set mostly in my real life if i found out i was pregnant tomorrow

genuinely i loved her so much , i remember exactly what she looked like throughout her life , i prioritised her over everything and i felt so much genuine love for her it was crazy

i keep thinking about this child i will never have (her dad was my real ex-boyfriend and its been years since that relationship ended) because i am now pretty happy with being aroace and the fact that this means i will never be a parent in the traditional way

but now ive been thrown for such a loop because i loved this child soooo much and i loved being her mum and i always wanted kids when i was younger but had thought i had given up on that type of family life

so conflicted now but genuinely i like want my daughter back

[not-so-sure-about-anything]

me when i have uni exams tomorrow and the same issue ://

currently desperately trying to avoid rereading loveless by alice oseman because it makes me cry a lot and i require a full business day to recover from it and i have a-levels to revise for tomorrow

but also……

[not-so-sure-about-anything]

currently desperately trying to avoid rereading loveless by alice oseman because it makes me cry a lot and i require a full business day to recover from it and i have a-levels to revise for tomorrow

but also......