not-so-holy-spirit

[not-so-holy-spirit]

The Nightmares Won’t End

I keep having reoccurring nightmares of me back in Catholic school having to repeat my time there because the principals lost my records and not having any proof I passed through those grades. And always in these nightmares I try to persuade my parents to send me to a different school but they never budge and I’m forced to repeat all those years of torment all over again all in a few hours while I sleep. I saw an obituary last year that my middle school math teacher passed away and in the nightmares my dream self knows that she’s dead but she’s still alive in my nightmares and I always ask her “I thought you were dead.” and she always tells me how she survived or how she got better and it’s all just tormenting. I wish these nightmares would stop but they never do and I doubt that they ever will. Having to relive all these events over again in a place that tormented me for years is extremely distressing. I have no idea how to handle it and it’s just all so emotionally draining. 

[not-so-holy-spirit]

Catholic Camp (Horror) Story Time!!!

So during 2012 I was 14 and in 8th grade. All of the 8th grade kids were required to go on a retreat called Luke 18 for the weekend so we could get closer to Jesus or something before our Confirmation which meant no phones or electronic devices. It started off like a normal camp with games and getting to know people then things got very very strange. When night came and it was time to sleep we were sent to random parishioners houses who volunteered to use their houses to let the Luke 18 kids sleep in them. (Keep in mind no one had any idea who these random ass people were and it was all incredibly unsafe but back then I thought it was all normal.) The next day we had more random people talk us about how God helped them in their personal lives and had more Bible studies then at night we were all led into a room where sad music was playing and we were all given a slip of paper and we were told to write our sins on the paper and how how much God loves us. People were bawling and we were led outside one by one to toss our piece of paper in a lit BBQ pit and when we did we were praised and told how much God loves us and how we did a good thing and that God was with us in that moment. It was all very culty looking back at it but back then to me it was normal. The only thing that I remember that made me uncomfortable was HAVING TO TAKE A SHOWER IN A STRANGER’S HOUSE! I only showered once during those whole 3 days and on the last day we were given a CD of some songs that they played and some weird string ball called a “Warm Fuzzy” where we complimented someone and took a piece of our fuzzy and tied it onto theirs and then we had to give them a hug. Overall looking back at it the whole thing was pure child abuse and indoctrination at it’s finest. I cannot stress how unsafe this was nd how much could have gone wrong. It was a crazy experience that no one should go through. I still have nightmares about it 9 years later.