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 I  AM  BUT  MAD  NORTH - NORTHWEST.    when the wind is southerly, i know a hawk from a handsaw.     /      PRINCE  AMLETH  /  “HAMLET”  of   william   shakespeare’s  “hamlet”.   written by zach.   under heavy  construction  /  dash only. 

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there is one (1)  person i love and its  @kaspbrk? 

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 wheelerisms:

           “ i’m alright. ” —– she’d been better, but hadn’t they all?  “ i mean, i should be.  nice to finally see some JUSTICE done && i guess in theory that … thing’s not coming back. ” but neither was barb.  it was a simple question, but why did it have her thinking so much?  RETRACT.  truthfully, the chaos had kept her mind busy – distracted.  “ how about you? is el settling in? ”

   “DON’T MATTER WHAT YOU SHOULD BE.    just where you are.    things’ll get easier,   kid   --   every day.    don’t have to worry about that.”     hopper remarked,   nodding slightly in understanding of how she was feeling.   indeed, he understood it all too well.      arms rested across wide chest  /  idly,  he shrugged a little,    turning to cast a glance behind him as if  speaking of jane might conjure her.    not that it mattered.  right now,   he just wanted to her to be happy.     happy meant  with mike. 

   “...    she’s alright.    we’ve got a lot to  discuss,   and she’s  ...   been through a lot,   like the rest of us.”   sighing,   jim repeated:    “things’ll get easier,”   more to convince himself than anyone else.

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 swyer:

       ❝    YOU   KNOW       you   can’t   keep      avoiding      this  .                you   promised   dad   you’d   start   getting   rid   of   some   of   this   stuff  .                 baby   steps  ,    remember  ?    ❞                 she   feels   for   him  .                she   may   not   entirely   understand   the   attachment   he   has   to     ALL     of   these   items  ,      but   she   knows   getting   rid   of   them   isn’t   easy   for   him  .                still  ,       it   was   long   overdue   that   he   started   overcoming   his   hoarding   habit  .               still  ,    she   is   pretty   curious   about   those   pictures  .               ❝     you   can   keep   the   photo   album  ,       but     only     if   you   throw   out   something      else  ,      okay  ?     ❞

  “YEAH,  YEAH,  YEAH,  YEAH.    I KNOW.”     he  doesn’t  know,  because he’s not listening.   being jim hopper meant shifting focus fast,  meant fixating.   sorry,   veronica,   but  your father’s not in the house presently:   he’s in a dream world,  he’s in the past!   thick fingers  card with  surprising gentleness through  FRAGILE  PAGES.    eyes scan over them in interest,    head is dipped  as if to be as  close as  POSSIBLE   to the memory,   to maybe experience its sensations all over again.  

jim didn’t miss the past.    the past had treated him like shit.   the past had placed all these problems in his lap and he was   STILL  cleaning up the mess  --  sometimes physically,    like today,   with his daughter.    but sometimes,  it was oddly refreshing for him to remind himself that the past   really existed.  that someone had made a series of  screenshots  of a time  before he was hurting  &   a time when he was in the process of being hurt,  that the past wasn’t just the feeling of nostalgia  and a  VAGUE PAIN in his chest.  

    the young man in the letterman jacket  with the longer hair didn’t look like him.      “ --  really, come here for a second.   your dad’s in this one.”    he meant  bob,   too.   they were in the picture together.   smiling.  not quite wounded yet.   finger’s momentarily traced over bob’s visage,   and he chuckled.    “god,   he almost looks the same.”

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random positive question anon here! what's your favourite thing about exploring jim's character? (okay maybe not sooo positive but let's not kill the branding here) have a nice day!!! :)

thank you for sending this, darling!   you’re such a blessing!

i think so far my favorite thing has just been like ...  exploring jim’s complexity when it comes to his mental illnesses and struggles?   one thing i really love about jim is that he fulfills this role of like ...   tough, unrelenting police chief   /   slightly  stereotypical masculine father role,    all while allowing himself to sometimes be incredibly vulnerable with others?   one of the first things we see of him  is  just like ... his lifestyle as a depressed man?   waking up,  smoking cigarettes,  taking anxiety meds with a can of beer? like, the first impression we have of jim is that he’s been incredibly scarred,   which in turn makes him so  likeable and relatable to so many.    and  i really appreciate that perspective just because like ... they could have made him so typical.  but instead they choose to first off emphasize his depression,  pain,  and anxiety in the same way it’s emphasized in jim’s own life every day,   and then go on to show him doing his job.  i just really,  really love that --    writing a large part of what makes him a largely atypical and very interesting character! 

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    “SHE DOESN’T     HATE YOU,    BOB.”     voice drips with  incredulity  /  attention immediately shifts from   cleanly task at hand  in order to cast a disbelieving glance  toward   MISERABLE  HUSBAND!    (  funny  how  jim could easily deny  veronica  hating  BOB   --    he was incredible,   a  SUPERHERO    /  quite frankly  impossible to hate  --    but  it was  EASY  for jim to think of himself  as the faulty parent.    practice what you preach,   hopper.   )   

lips  curve  UPWARD  ever so slightly at the other’s  accusatory finger,  and jim simply   shakes his head before  moving to stand,   approaching   /    hand closing over the other’s & dispelling the jest.    “alright.   guilty.”   jim relents for  bob’s  sake,   SIGHING.  “ --    just give her time,   alright?   m’  willing to bet  she’ll be over it in the morning.    you did the right thing.”

(   *   @nosycop

❝            SHE    HATES   ME   .           ❞          your      shoulders    DROP    down   ,      dejected   .      the    sound    of      veronica's     door    SLAMMING    shut    on     the    other    end     of     the    house    has     your     eyes     falling    to     nervous    hands   . 

❝         SHE    DEFINITELY    HATES    ME                            god  ,      she    just  …      she's     so    freaking    stubborn    .       and     i    blame     you        (     *     a    jest    with    FEIGN    BITE     to     it     as     you    send    an     accusatory    finger     in    jim's     direction     )        she    definitely     didn't     get     that     attitude    from    me   .     ❞

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    YEAH,    STILL NOT DEAD YET,   JIM?   the thoughts echo the words of a  PATHETIC MAN.    jim’s expression does not  VISIBLY CHANGE  at the  admittedly  stinging words   /    the only   TELL   he gives is a  swift,    offended  BLINK,    one that was easy to   MISS   were you not looking for it.    brows knit together   /    instinctively,  fingers find   camels in  breast pocket.   silently,  ever-silently,   heart   SWELLS  with  red hot anger,  anger that nearly  darkens the  edges of his vision,      before he lets it all out in a   COOL EXHALE.  

  “  ---     unfortunately for you,      yeah.     still alive.”     it’s humorless.   through gritted teeth.  you hate this man with every fiber of your being,   and sometimes that hatred becomes so much you can scarcely     BREATHE.    detach,  jim,  detach!        “charming as ever,    lonnie.     you gonna let me in?” 

@nosycop

if it isn’t your F A V O U R I T E chief of police , jim hopper ! james hopper . oh so many things WRONG with the man ! ( he has never been FIT to be chief . never in his life . ) you have seen the man mope about day , after day , after day . you KNOW something is wrong with him , and you have teased him about it before . what’s one more time going to do ? “ if it ain’t the CHIEF . still not dead yet , huh ? ah … bet you wish you w e r e though ! “ you bark out laughter– as if suicide is something of a LAUGHING MATTER !

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  THE DEMON COMMENT FORCES  lips to turn  UPWARD  a little:   always a fan of his little girl’s   DRAMATICS,  truthfully.   but still,   ronnie’s  PLEADINGS cannot pull jim’s  gaze  away from the   NEWSPAPER  in his hands.   after a moment,    he simply hums   before  replying:     “  --     sorry,  but  i’m with  dad  on this one.”  of course he was.   jim was  stubborn as hell,    but bob almost always knew what he was doing when it came to    PARENTING.     jim was the more lenient  /   RECKLESS  father,   but still.     he didn’t like these heathers ronnie was always   talking about.     when he was a high schooler,   he didn’t like to hang around girls who were   TROUBLE,    and apparently that   still stood!  

“if you    REALLY  don’t   ‘  fuck with demons ‘,     then you’ll have no problem staying in,     hmm?”    finally,    he spares her a  GLANCE,  brow raising.   “--    you’ll  live  if you don’t go to this    one party,    veronica.    don’t push it.” 

         ❝    COME   ON   ,     you      HAVE      to   talk   to   dad   for   me  .              he’s   being       completely      unfair   !             it’s   just   a   party   and   it’s   not   even   on   a   school   night   or   anything   !      and   if   I   don’t   go   not      only      will   heather   skin   me   alive   but   I’m   pretty   sure   that   her   head   will   spin   all   the   way   around   and   I   promised   you   both   when   I   was   seven   I’d   stop   fucking   with   demons  .     ❞

@nosycop  liked  !

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   FOR A LONG MINUTE,   JIM JUST STARES.   he just looks down on the kid with a completely   BLANK  expression  ( somehow  more  gut-wrenching than any   tall cop’s   explosive anger ),    before almost  DEFEATEDLY  sighing.  hand rose in order to   PINCH  the bridge of his nose,   EXHAUSTION  lining his older expression.    arm fell  LIMPLY  back to his side after a moment  before  jim  FIRMLY replied,   “ -----  ...    alright,   kid.    first of all?     the voice.     cut that shit out.”        the tone of a man who did not have time for this.     “’n   second of all      ...     i guess  if you don’t got any,   you’ll have no problem  emptyin’ your pockets for me,   huh?”     questions  buzzed in jim’s mind.   how old was this kid?   who the hell was just letting him run wild in the forest?       all for another time,  he supposed.  

  eyebrows quirked upward,  expression remained neutral.   he knew he was being a hypocrite,   considering he’d been smoking since    1957.     but it was his job,  and a satisfying one at that!    “---     right?”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ❛      i ain’t got no cigs in me pockets, cop  —  not a single gasper!  swear on hail mary and all of her holy steps!      ❜    richie half-whines,  fidgeting frantically to force the welcoming  (  yet jarringly narrow  )  mouth of his pocket to engulf more and more of his worn-out,  languid pack of cigarettes  :  cop or not,  he is not giving up his last babies so easily.  that’s like — like flushing money down the fucking drain and if there’s one thing that richie’s one hundred percent sure about,  it’s that he’s broke and afraid.   ❛      ’m just a pacific fella,  takin’ a well-damn-deserved break in the forest.  my back’s creakin’ from all that work like some unoiled closet doors.  you can’t blame me,  cop.     ❜   he faintly hopes that this is enough of a distraction.

↪   @nosycop,   starter call.

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ALL of zach's blogs

im literally Everywhere these days so I thought I'd make a helpful little updated list!

@nosycop / jim hopper. active.

@wanderderry / rocky robinson. semi-active.

@realfor / georgie denbrough. low activity.

@ghostdisciple / phantom stranger. active.

@contendr / spongebob. active.

@vswrld / scott pilgrim. semi-active.

@rddled / eddie nygma. low activity.

@brightcenter / star wars multimuse. semi-active.

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and hop's intrusive thoughts :))))

unformatted because I’m literally at school rn buT OKAY HOP AND HIS INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS HERE WE GO! this is a subject that feels very personal and legit to me as a sufferer of intrusive thoughts so these headcanons are really important and central to my chARACTERIZATION JUST … KEEP THAT IN MIND

so, intrusive thoughts. Hop has had them for literally ever, but way back in middle and high school he never really had a name for it. This effected him by worsening his depression periods and kinda making his self deprecating feelings worse? Like the fact that he never knew that those thoughts were a product of mental illness and not his fault kinda made him grow up thinking he was just a really, REALLY fricked up person?

And sometimes his thoughts would get really violent or suicidal and it would just lead him to feel like he was the absolute scum of the earth. Jim had trouble trusting his own mind and instincts A LOT when he was younger, honestly, just because he saw how destructive he could be and it really freaked him out. Going to war definitely didn’t help this considering the already-violent atmosphere he was constantly enveloped in. He considered doing self destructive things A LOT in those days, considering his anxiety and paranoia were heightened. It never got to that point, though, thankfully.

And as a final note, while Jims intrusive thoughts are very lessened around the times that ST takes place, they still occur. His thoughts are often suicidal, especially before he meets Eleven, but he doesn’t visibly let those things effect him and just trudges on. And again, after Jane becomes his daughter, while they’re lessened considerably it still happens sometimes. Despite that, She helps to make his life a little clearer, and he’s grateful for that.

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& grief was eating all that I’d let it.

Yves Olade, from “Liturgies,” published in Bombus Press (via lifeinpoetry)

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jim kisses bob's cheek !!

LOOK    AT    YOU   .        finally      found    one      beam     of     light     to    prevail      the     darkness      of     your     adolescence       /      soon     to     be      snuffed     out      by     the     SMOKE     of     WAR    .         your     much      younger      self      would       be         PROUD   ,       you    think   ,        to      have       found       someone       like       james      hopper   .      you     still     flinch    a     little     when    he     up    and     does     something     like    that      (      *      KISSES     THE     TINGE     OF      PINK     at     your     cheek    bone       /      or      snags     the    corner      of     your      mouth     when      you're      least     expecting    it      )       

at     one     point   ,       you'd      stop     letting     it     scare     you    .       you      stopped      clinging     to      the         fabric     of      his      over     coat     when      you     finally     convinced     yourself       that     he       wasn't      going       anywhere       without     a       fight         (      *     OH   ,      IF      YOU     COULD’VE        just      predicted     that      letter       /      would      you     have       fought      your     better      judgement     ?      )

❝        JIM                         ❞          your      voice     catches    ,         you     don’t     have     the      heart     to      offer      FAREWELL      when     he's     taking     it     with     him     overseas    .       you     swallow   .       i    love     you         lands      heavy    in      your     stomach   .          ❝         i'll     see     you     when     you    get    back    ?        ❞        

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i ...     am ...      EIGHTEEN 

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—Get away from me.