noonegetsleftbehind

[noonegetsleftbehind]

Gonna vent here so please don’t read if you haven’t got the spoons💕

I’m tired. Just exhausted mentally and physically. I have shit hitting me from all angles. My mother is not doing well at all and they’re trying to get her into a dementia facility and I’m faced with knowing I will never have my mom back. The staff and everyone involved has been calling me and consulting me and I’m 3.5 hours from my parents. It started a fight with my dad not wanting me involved. I’m at my limit and grieving simultaneously.

On top of my mom, the only member of my family that accepts me and still speaks to me after I came out trans, my cousin, was diagnosed with cancer. She’s starting chemo on Friday. Again I am 3.5 hours from my family and I’m having a double mastectomy on Thursday this week. I’m doing it for gender affirming reasons and the fact my cousin and one of our aunts had the exact same masses and form of breast cancer. I don’t like my own odds and I want them gone. But I’m so scared for this surgery and the aftermath. On one hand, gender affirming, but on the other what if it’s botched or I look awful or they find out i also have the same cancer. There’s so much going through my brain all at once.

I’m too tired to be here tonight to write but… I intend to be here tomorrow, Monday, what I can after my treatment on Tuesday and Wednesday until I can no longer stay up before surgery Thursday morning.

I need an escape. Chris is my comfort character. Writing him and spending time in his headspace while angsty is also like a big, warm, strong bear hug. It’s where I’m happiest from a creative standpoint and has been for years and so many of you make writing him that much more wonderful.

Just thank you to all who have stood by. For all those who check on me and offer their ears and comfort I appreciate you more than you know. Your friendship means the world to me.

So… that’s where I’m at. I’m stressed, depressed and so sad that I don’t really have words to describe quite yet. I’ll be okay, but it’s fucking rough right now. Just know I do want to be here and writing and I’m giving it my all until I have to go to the hospital Thursday.

[noonegetsleftbehind]

fighting a migraine and lingering stress/upset from the news i got yesterday. i will be slowly doing things probably more in the background. i may or may not get to posting things until tomorrow, i make no guarantees. <3 - J

[noonegetsleftbehind]

do you know one of my favorite moments in canon? all the way back in 1 when wesker is giving chris the whole evil rundown and the motherfucker just LAUGHS and then calls him SENILE. the balls on that man.

[noonegetsleftbehind]

Resident Evil 7 Chris Can't Hurt You ... Resident Evil 7 Chris Can't Hurt You—

[noonegetsleftbehind]

"You're wasting time."

He knows the old rules and why Chris wants to stay. He's injured. Blood has hit the ground and his shoulder is wet with it, steam and smoke rising from the wound. The number of Lycans is pretty damn high...

But he also knows that he's not the average soldier Chris has to protect anymore. They can't afford to move slowly right now. As much as he wants Chris to stay, wants to fight by his side, the Alpha needs to get going and lead the rest of the team.

"I'll meet up with you later. Get going."

The instant Chris heard the words, he huffed. He hated when Piers was right. He always knew exactly the worst, or best, times to bring it up too. Like right now, when he could see the blood on his shoulder and the steam coming off the wound in the cold. The sight triggered immediate concern and protective actions in Chris.

The number of Lycans is growing around them and he knows Piers is right. Goddamnit. The more time he wasted here the less he would be able to take out on his own and take the burden off the rest of the Hound Wolf Squad.

Chris meets Piers's gaze and for a minute he's right back at the escape pods. His legs even start to feel like they might buckle out from under him. Something inside of him is screaming no, but the logical side of his brain tells him it's okay. Piers wasn't the same lieutenant he had once been. The stakes were different.

"Yeah." He reloads, taking another look outside before he locks his gaze with Piers's. "Five minutes. I can clear out the path. Don't stay back any more than that."

He was, in fact, still the Alpha. He could pull rank on orders when he damn well pleased. The last thing he does is nod at Piers, giving him a quick smile before he's out in the mess, taking out all the hostiles he can.

[noonegetsleftbehind]

big ni.vanfield mood today/tonight

[noonegetsleftbehind]

got some shitty/bad news and feeling really super sad about it. i'm here, but i may be a little more in the bg

[noonegetsleftbehind]

me and @snipeheart always out here coming up with the juiciest, angstiest, most tragic ass headcanons.

[noonegetsleftbehind]

[ 🌧️ ]ㅤ.ㅤis there a pain they refuse to heal from ?

Headcanon Questions - Still Accepting

Several, actually and I suppose it depends on where in his timeline, but there's 3 major ones for his canon.

1 - This is the big one. His parents' death. He was there that night. He couldn't save them. He blames himself. He will always blame himself.

2 - Wesker's betrayal. Even if you don't go with my headcanon that was there was romantic involvement between him and Wesker, he was also a role model for Chris. He was someone that he looked up to and tried very hard to please.

3 - Piers Piers Piers. Seriously. Go back and watch the scenes. Chris's heart and his entire being are absolutely shattered. A piece of him died with Piers. He will never not blame himself for that. He will never go a single day without thinking of him and mourning him in some kind of way.

[noonegetsleftbehind]

His arrival is heralded by the crunching of snow outside, too slow and unconcerned to be an enemy or a fellow doing a report. He enters the small church, holding onto his gun until he's mere feet away from Chris, at which point he finally rests it up against one of the pews.

The mountain range is beautiful in twilight, but he hasn't seen much of it today. He's been doing recon on Heisenberg's factory all day, a gray and smoky blot on the landscape, uncontrolled smog becoming an obvious health hazard. He's done about all he needs to do and he sits himself in the pew right next to Chris, resting his head against his shoulder.

They both know the exhaustion. Made words difficult. Are we almost done here, he wants to ask, a pointless question. They're done when they're done.

But sometimes, focused on the mission as he usually is, he wants to go back home and just. Be.

The days have more or less blurred together for Chris. He can't remember the last time he got anything even remotely resembling sleep, much less had a moment to relax and breathe. Night is falling again in the village and he sits on a pew in the church, reading from a laptop.

The instant he hears the doors to the church open, Chris doesn't even stir. He can tell by the footsteps alone that it's Piers. He glances at the time on the laptop and sighs, shoving it aside away from him for now just as the other man sits down beside him. This entire mission is taking more than a lot out of them and they both knew it. He could feel it.

When he feels that head rest against his shoulder, Chris's heart melts. So much of the stress he'd holding just stops in that one little moment. He follows by nuzzling into the younger man, placing a kiss on his forehead in a silent show of nothing but eternal affection.

[noonegetsleftbehind]

Them

[noonegetsleftbehind]

Chris: *Stubs his toe*

Piers: *Loudly from another room* "CAPTAAAAIN!!!"

Chris: "Piers I'm fi-"

Piers: "CHRIS!"

(later...)

Piers: *Scrapes his elbow on the counter*

Chris: *From another room* "PIERS!!!"

[noonegetsleftbehind]

i have had 3 cups of coffee now... i just caught myself trying to write this reply to one of @snipeheart's asks and staring at this gif and dissociating for about 2 minutes straight send help

[noonegetsleftbehind]

@novelresilience liked for a kiss - still accepting

Chris stirs, groggy as he blinks and looks at his watch for the time. 3am. He must have dozed off after about the third episode of Gilligan. The TV is still on, a commercial prattling off about some kind of new toothpaste. He reaches for the remote and clicks the TV off, looking down at Rebecca who had fallen asleep snuggled in against him.

The corners of his lips pull up into a soft smile. Having practice at this, he carefully gets up and grabs a pillow to put under her head as he lays her down. He makes sure she's tucked into the blanket. On sheer impulse, he dips down and gently kisses the top of her head, murmuring softly. "Get some sleep, kiddo."

[noonegetsleftbehind]

@crucialelement liked for a kiss - still accepting

The rest of the team has already evacuated and it's down to the two of them. Of course it would be. She was the most stubborn person he knew and that was really saying something because he knew quite a few stubborn people, himself included. He knows it's coming. They're going to have to make a choice to split. It's the strategic solution, but not the one he wants.

"Emily, wait." Chris turns to shift his weight against her, pinning her against the nearest wall. One hand is up against her cheek as he meets her gaze. "I know what the strategic move is here. I know what you're thinking. But for once? I'm asking you to fuck the rules..."

His gaze lingers on her for a long moment in the silence. He can feel the tension between them as he closes the distance and lets his lips meet hers. He's gentle, but firm at the same time. When his lips part, his voice is barely above a husky whisper. "Stay with me. Let's do this together."

[noonegetsleftbehind]

Me charging onto the dash, coffee in hand and the will to do shit today

[noonegetsleftbehind]

alright, loves. bed is calling me.

@crucialelement, @novelresilience, @vehxmence, @alphateamsfinest, @priceforeverything, @forgotten-retrouvaille i will get your kisses tomorrow when i'm less out of it <3