nocturnal--archives

[nocturnal--archives]

darling

the way your nose scrunches ever so slightly when you smile.

how excited you get when you skip a rock more than twice.

your gentleness and care towards every animal, big or small.

i am captivated by the way you express yourself,

and how you’re always there for me.

your uneven pupils, loving touch, and comforting presence.

you are a work of art, inside and out

[nocturnal--archives]

a poem of you, my love

i admire every little thing about you.

all of the details nobody else notices,

not even yourself.

the sound of your voice makes my heart sing.

your harmonies softly echo throughout my veins.

an orchestra no one else has heard,

a composition that is uniquely you.

a simple glance with those eyes and i fall apart.

irises made up of a thousand shimmering stars,

the depth of the deepest oceans in your gaze,

a glint of warmth that will never leave.

i am captivated by your presence.

intertwined in your welcoming soul,

basking in your endless care,

we are two puzzle pieces made to fit together.

some say love is complicated,

but you make it easy.

[nocturnal--archives]

creation's destruction

tiny worlds stand defenseless beneath my feet.

i walk all over them without a second thought,

crushing all the little things that never stood a chance.

i rid the world of unseen progress.

tearing delicate webs apart that had been spun so carefully,

every strand coming undone with a simple swat of my hand.

recently, i’ve started watching where i step.

taking the time to avoid damaging what i used to ignore,

admiring the little things rather than ruin them,

focusing on what was once unnoticeable.

however,

my gentleness makes no difference,

for i was made to destroy.

[nocturnal--archives]

i don't know what hurt more, calling my dad's number to hear his voicemail, or telling the stranger who answered that i dialed the wrong number. you'd think after 6 years i would know his number would likely be repossessed, but i was just so desperate to hear his voice i wasn't thinking. i'm starting to forget what he sounded like, and that terrifies me.

[nocturnal--archives]

recently i've noticed how much my actions are influenced by everyone i have ever loved. i hit my fist to the ceiling when im driving through a yellow light. i knock on watermelons to check the ripeness. i only listen to that one radio station. i open pomegranates in water. i peel my oranges into spirals. i laugh. i smile. i love. there a little bits of them all scattered inside of me, embedded in my soul. i am a mosaic of everyone i have ever loved.

[nocturnal--archives]

"grief is love with nowhere to go" you could not be more wrong. can you not love someone when they are not there? when someone leaves a room, can you not still love them? even after death, your love will never cease to reach them. it will forever have a place to go. as long as you're still around, they will always be loved. it is what keeps them here with you. their love is still here as yours is for them, isn't that beautiful?

[nocturnal--archives]

unedited self-portraits

[nocturnal--archives]

every song i sing is for you, my love <3

[nocturnal--archives]

you are everywhere and everything

you've become yet another star in the sky.

although you're not the brightest,

you have never failed to shine through my darkest of nights.

even after death,

you have yet to leave my side.

you continue to illuminate my life,

almost as though you never left.

out of each and every celestial body,

i spot you with ease.

you are unmistakably you,

and that has never changed.

there were times where i had considered joining you,

but there is no need to rush.

for i know that no matter what,

we will meet again.

i will always find you in everything.

[nocturnal--archives]

waltz of the sea

forward and back

a rhythm that never ceases

keeping time with every breath of the breeze

a metronome comprised of salt and sand

dancing together for eternity

[nocturnal--archives]

painfully entangled

through all of this,

grief has held my hand,

and lulled me gently through sleepless nights.

i flinch at it’s touch from time to time,

but it has never left my side.

it has been there for me when no one else has.

a raised hand i have learned to forgive.

a relationship i could never let go of.

[nocturnal--archives]

sting of truth

sparks fly as smoke pours

the smell of burning paper

echoes of laughter

pretend it lasts forever

watch as the sparkler fizzles out

stare into silence

light another

give yourself no time to grieve

the last spark meets its end

an empty box

laughter turns to silence

there is nothing left

you can keep trying

but you'll burn yourself

the spark will always hiss into ash

everything comes to an end

[nocturnal--archives]

undiscovered

tangled veins; twisted roots

hidden amongst the knots

strung up in the noise

[nocturnal--archives]

distortion

snapped strings

tangled chords

notes turned sour