ninjaslushii

[ninjaslushii]

how do you grieve a life not (yet) lost?

i’ve been to this hospital only once before,

to bear witness to the birth of a butterfly

with deep dimples and eyes too bright for this world,

a bundle of blankets and love, sparse hair hidden under a pink hat.

and today i’m here  again,

to bear witness to you when the claws of age have taken hold of your poor heart,

with graying skin stretched far too thin over your frail bones,

a heap of blankets and remorse, sparse hair tangled behind your heavy head.

there’s something cruel about how the room you’ll be spending your last days in

looks almost identical to the one your little butterfly spent her first,

save for a pull out couch in the corner, 

the kind you would use to stay the night while visiting the baby.

it is that sight which makes my heart ache

as i walk through the door you’d kept cracked open

so you could watch the nurses walk by,

so you wouldn’t feel so alone.

you’re in front of me now, tangled up in tubes and death,

only two feet away, the closest we’ve ever been,

i want to reach out and fix your hair, to comb through until it’s smooth,

but you’ve never felt as far away as you do right now.

i’m in front of you now, and it feels wrong to be looking down at you,

you were so big when i was younger, with your eagle-headed cane

and an accent stronger than real southern whiskey,

but you’ve never looked as small as you do right now.

i come back to when my mother, your daughter, 

speaks to you in a moment of silence, “but only the good die young, right?”

i can’t tear my eyes away from how she sat at your side,

methodically clenching her fists, as if to stop herself

from reaching out and taking your hand in hers.

it is now that i regret how i treated you.

like how i asked you for your old war stories,

begging to hear you relieve your worst memories for my amusement.

or how i shunned you my whole life, like it depended on it,

my mother’s past with you making you into a monster in my eyes.

a glossy film covers your eyes as you look more through than at me,

your gaunt hand lifts from the blankets and points one bony finger at me,

“it’s yours.”, and i never thought that getting my first car

would feel so much more bitter than it did sweet.

you say you wished you could’ve been around long enough

to teach your little spider-man how to fish.

you mention that you left the equipment in the car you left me

“i’ll do it.” i blurt out before i can even register my trembling lips moving,

it feels like the least i could do for how i treated you.

it is in the film covering your eyes, and the shake in your hands,

perhaps even in the rattle of your coughing fits

that i suddenly realize just how much wiser you are than me,

and it makes me wish i could ask you—

How do you mourn for the one who is still so alive in front of you?

How do you lament for someone you never allowed yourself to love?

How do you grieve a life not yet lost?

[ninjaslushii]

is it cold outside? is it cold out?

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i missed drawing him :(

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we should take a second to consider which two are the normal dudes

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two of them

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poor tommy has to deal with his total freak of a brother

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every time i eat one of these fucking things my soul goes away and i become a mafia boss smoking a fat fucking cigar pondering the next sap on my hit list

[ninjaslushii]

what are you doing in my swamp?

[ninjaslushii]

so you want MORE mcytblr blogs to follow? no worries!

(link to part 1)

@apollos-boyfriend for all your captain sparklez, crumb, and purpled needs

@songbur is my favorite wilburian. i am not biased.

@teamranchers is a very cool blog and i bet u can guess who he posts abt

@mellointheory is cool af and posts some cool eggpire stuff

@weatheredcopper posts empires and hermit stuff!

@geoguessbur is a cool wilburposter

@tmmyhug is a rlly cool inniter go check her out!

@gardenergulfie is a cool blogger who posts a bit of everything

@yb-cringe is epic and i think posts a few fandoms

@hiveswap is a veteran here so they deserves some follows

check out part 1 of this post for some more people to follow and some tips. also remember to follow tags that youre interested as well!

mutuals reblog <3

[ninjaslushii]

I don’t understand this but twitter is going down the shitter so I’ll have a try

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Poggers 😎

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BTS mixtapes in a nutshell

RM: I’m so conflicted between by idol and rapper identities that it’s tearing me apart, but I’m slowly coming to terms with my identity as a musical artist, so I’m gonna rap in a flow so intricate and sesquipedalian that y’all cant even pretend I’m not the best in the game, also I’ve read so many nihilistic philosophy books that I wanna DIE, but not before I’ve DRUNK my WEIGHT in LIQUOR and had a RAP BATTLE with GOD

Agust D: fuck all you fake rappers, fuck your moms, fuck high school, fuck the bourgeois, fuck depression, fuck social isolation, i cant trust nobody not even myself because im possessed by an evil rapping demon consumed by its lust for greed and fame, meet me in daegu for an ass kicking you fake fucks, i’ll kick your ass, i’ll kick his ass, I’LL KICK MY OWN ASS

Hope World: 🌺 ✨ 🌸 ✨ 🌺 WELCOME TO THE PARTY ZONE🌸 ✨ 🌺 ✨ 🌸It’s A Struggle To Maintain My Public Vs Personal Personas ✨ But I’m Still ✨ Like ✨ A Super Successful Idol ✨ So Life Is Pretty Sweet For Me Right Now ✨ I Love My Bros And My Fans ✨ I’ll Give The Haters My Free Flyer Points Since They Don’t Have Any! 🌺 ;) 🌺  🌈 follow ur dreams 🌈 i luv u 💖

[ninjaslushii]

Phase 1 : Travel to West Virginia Phase 2 : ? Phase 3 : Mothman

[ninjaslushii]

Jimin’s song

Backup vocals: Namjoon

Accompaniment: Taehyung

[ninjaslushii]

jensenackles: Woke up at 6am this morning. That alarm went off with a heavy tone. Today is the final day of a 15 year journey. One that has changed my life forever. To those I have worked with on this journey and to those who have watched and supported…you will never understand my great appreciation for you. “Thank you” doesn’t cover it. There just aren’t words. I’m so grateful for these memories that I will carry with me forever. What a ride it has been. And what a run. #spnfamilyforever here are a few shots from our final days…including today. I’ll try and send more later, but in true SPN form…we are in the middle of “nowhere” and have zero service. Go figure. Stay tuned.

[ninjaslushii]