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What would it be like if Star Wars characters played DnD?

it would go about as well as you'd expect

(commission info // tip jar!)

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Art by Jake Bartok

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Kenobi series where everything is the same except Cody is there helping Obi-Wan cause he just happened to show up after Bail called. They have to think of a cover story which goes smth like:

Obi-Wan: “We need a cover story. We’re farmers from Tawl, you’re my brother and we’re looking for our niece who was kidnapped.”

Cody: “That would never work, we look nothing alike.”

Obi-Wan: “Do you have a better idea?”

Cody: “Yes, we are parents looking for our lost daughter. Much more believable.”

Obi-Wan: “We’re married?”

Cody: “We’re married. Now start acting like it, my love.”

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just two bros, some probably less than legally obtained takeout, and the effects of late stage capitalism

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The clones in Star Wars absolutely astound me, especially in the clone wars like,

501st: Our general is a war criminal maniac with a teenager at his heel learning to do the same things by example. And we love them.

212th: Our general is in love with a Duchess and we’re actively in feud with a four armed lightsaber wielding cyborg with lung cancer. One time we fucking punched him and lived.

104th: I would give my entire right arm to see the General Plo never comes to harm or anything ever happens to him. Wolffe: I gave my eye but still, same sentiment.

327th: Our commander and general are fucking. Like. Legitimately. Bly: Yeah dude. Ayala Secura: Yeah dude.

The Bad Batch: This hologram thing keeps telling us that we should stop right now and follow protocol instead of commuting more war crimes. If anyone but Tech knows what war crimes are they simply do not care enough to stop.

Long live the fucking republic man. How the hell they won battles is a mystery.

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Prequels: Incorrect Quotes

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People really seem to hate the Jedi who have their shit together like Luminara Unduli, Mace Windu, Yoda, etc.

Another I'd like to point out is Ki Adi Mundi. Like people call him a psychopath and the worst Jedi ever and say that Order 66 was valid if only to kill this one man.

Like do y'all hear yourselves?! And he hasn't even done anything that I can see was so fucking horrible and I rummaged through his general character history both Legends and Canon.

If anything I actually really enjoy his brief appearances especially in Clone Wars where he seemed like a very chill Jedi who joked around and played Anakin's competetive little droid kill game in the Geonosis arc and cared deeply about the clone troopers like every other Jedi.

I've seen videos where people are happy and laugh at his death when his was one of the most hard-hitting deaths to me. Because he wasn't shot in the back like many Jedi in the ROTS Order 66 sequence were.

He got to see his troopers turn on him, men he trusted and cared for, and his shocked expression is so fucking heartbreaking. And ppl fucking laugh at that, like wtf is wrong with y'all?!

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Ezra Bridger was the most character ever. He was 14 and an orphan, he got adopted by some rebels in a mom van, he had a funky face scar, he unlocked his strongest abilities with compassion, he was courageous despite overwhelming anxiety, he was born to be an annoying little brother, he collected imperial helmets, he hijacked an armed tank to steal some fruit, his pseudonym was “Jabba the Hutt”, he was SWANA-coded*, he told off a Grand Admiral to his face, he fell into the Dark Side and pulled himself out of it, he handmade a lightsaber that was also a gun, he couldn’t fly a jetpack for shit, he was friends with 700 cats and several dozen whales, he survived encounters with Maul, Darth Vader, and Palpatine himself, he was buddies with Ahsoka Tano and Hondo Ohnaka, he couldn’t save his teacher, he let his adopted sister paint his helmets, he successfully liberated his home planet from a full scale fascist occupation, and every goddamn day I miss him

*disclaimer: I can’t find any actual details on which ethnicity Ezra is specifically based on/inspired by, but the majority of fan headcanons pertaining to this seem to fall under this category!

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I love that any clone trooper may have these naming stereotypes

Meaningful and cool it fits their personality

Idk it just sounds cool

Some boring natborn name

Charlie? Rick Astley? Smith? Sound otherworldly, vod. Where'd you get it from?

Color

Bullying material

Taken from some ancient holy bible they don't really know about

Shenanigans-y accidents

ID number

Yes I share names with the marshal commander

Yes I share names with CT-1370 from the Marines don't ask me how I know that I'm obviously not snooping around the database

Yes I share names with our Jedi general my name is Obi-Two

And that there are at least 3 of these stereotypes in a squad of 5

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Kix + caring immensely about his brothers

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This is an odd thought that I had. Canonically the Jedi are able to tell the clones apart easily with the Force. Let's take it a step further. Because of the extra senses given by the Force, the Clones really don’t even look the same to the Jedi. (Sort of like that online test that goes around about how many color shades you can see, where some people can see four shades easily but others see one block of color.)  They never quite forget that their troops are clones but whenever someone talks about them looking the same, or like Jango Fett, all the Jedi just laugh awkwardly or are really confused (There is some “are they talking about the helmets? I mean the men paint the helmets, but maybe the visor looks the same?”).

I just want wholesome shenanigans where various nat borns interact with the Jedi and the clones. With lots of side eye while the Jedi try fruitlessly to figure out why “they keep saying that Cody looks like Jango Fett, what?” or “How are they confusing Fives with Echo?”

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The Jedi should have done something about Tatooine and the Hutts. If only they sent Jedi to Tatooine and not just ignored it--

Oh hi Quinlan. How's Tatooine circa TPM?

Anyway the Jedi should have done something about slavery in the galaxy outside the Republic's borders and not focused just on the Republic--

Huh. The CIS were pretty cool with helping the Zygerrians reestablish their slave empire that the (checks notes) Jedi dismantled.

Anyway, the Jedi should never have joined the war at all. Sure the clone army existed and the clones would have to fight no matter what the Jedi decided to do, and yes, as far as the Jedi knew the clones were created by one of their order and so they had a responsibility to them in whatever capacity they could, and the clones being brainwashed into loyalty for the republic was established so convincing millions of them at once not to fight would be impossible that early on. And sure, Dooku, a Sith, led the galaxy's worst capitalists that wanted to make naboo look like child's play and kill countless civilians if the Republic didn't give in to all their demands, and yes the Jedi were linked psychically to the cosmos in a way where they could feel imbalance, death, and darkness, but they should have taken the moral high road and (checks notes) let both civilians and clones die from droids. Droids who are programmed and aren't going to hesitate about killing anyone. Droids who can't be negotiated with.

Of course they could have... Negotiated with the Sith Lord? Who wasn't actually the head sithlord in charge.

Then again the other Sith Lord who had been duly elected into office wouldn't have allowed that but...they should have tried!

Well they worked with hutts to use hyperlanes for the war they could have chosen not to fight in had actually tried harder! They were lazy and chose the easy path of being forced to dirty their hands because otherwise fascist billionaires and corporations would send programmed droids to kill civilians (like Naboo during TPM) until the Republic gave into their demands (unbridled capitalism which as we recall were totally cool with helping the Slave Empire they previously dismantled become a slave empire again).

The Jedi should have helped people and not tied themselves to the senate. They could have just negotiated with a galaxy worth of planets on a case by case basis.

Listen. Star Wars is a metaphor. It is not a one to one comparison of reality. The Jedi did all they could to help people and they did things that wore them down in body and soul because they had to make that sacrifice or let people suffer and die. There is no alternative in the galaxy they existed in. The Empire that Palpatine made is what they saw the CIS becoming.

Palpatine saw the Jedi as one of the biggest threats to his fascist empire so the plan was always to kill them. It's not illegal to be a Sith he might say, but he certainly made it illegal to be a Jedi.

I would love to know what people think, with the GFFA being what it is, and the size it is, and the Jedi numbering about ten thousand in the end what they were supposed to do as an alternative that would have had any of this end different.

If they hadn't joined the war people would have been enslaved and died and the Jedi would have still been hunted and killed.

If the Jedi removed themselves from the republic in protest of the war but still fought independently to help people they would have lost so much access, more clones for sure would have died, and the Jedi would still be hunted down and killed at the end.

If the Jedi left the republic before the war and were independents they would be slaughtered faster than they were on genonosis because they don't have the numbers. The droid army would get them or the republic run by Palpatine would get them. Keeping in mind Palpatine was elected and the Jedi had nothing to do with his election beyond saving a teenage girl and bringing her to beg her case to the senate on behalf of her people (the death toll was, as we remember, catastrophic).

If they retreated to the mountains and meditated then they just let people die without even trying to help and feel the cosmos become darker and more imbalanced by the suffering they could feel but we're ignoring. And years later Palpatine would show up to kill them because that aspect of his plan would never change.

They should have taken the moral high ground doesn't work in the scenario they were given in the universe they existed in. Not for them. Not when they are powered by empathy. It would have been a corruption of what they stand for if they didn't try to help people. And they tried. It wasn't their corruption that let the galaxy down. The Jedi were aware of their own flaws. They were aware they shouldn't be generals. They knew they shouldn't be commanding a clone army. They were under no illusions that the choices they were being forced to make were good, but even at their most morally questionable they didn't sell out the galaxy. It was the politicians that voted in a mass murdering fascist with thunderous applause to not just be supreme chancellor, to not just have emergency powers, but to be an emperor.

The Jedi even tried a coup. The last thing they would want, but they tried it anyway to hold back a Sith Emperor establishing his empire built on slavery and suffering who would later build a weapon that could destroy entire planets.

The Jedi did not lead to the downfall of the Republic. They were the last shield to be shattered.

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You know it actually makes complete sense that Echo isn't living with Rex, Wolffe and Gregor by the time Rebels comes around.

Echo is the kind of guy who sniffs multicoloured popcorn and pulls this face when offered Wookie soup.

He saw they were eating worm for dinner and noped the fuck out

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the fact that “the vibes here are rancid” is a power that the jedi actually have is insane to me

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If Obi-Wan had actually stayed on Mandalore with Satine after the Civil War and left the Jedi Order, it would've made The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones peak comedy.

Like, Qui-Gon would still be sent to Naboo and end up on Tatooine, he'd still meet Anakin and take him back to the Temple. But, in this AU, he survives the battle on Theed and takes Anakin as his padawan. And the entire Order would be making jokes:

"Congrats on the new padawan! Hope he sticks around longer than the last one!" "We'll keep this one off the bodyguard missions, eh Qui-Gon?"

So one day little Anakin’s like "hey master, what happened to your last padawan?" And Qui-Gon's like "oh he ran off with a girl, yeah he's royalty in the Outer Rim now".

And it's all fine and dandy until Anakin’s nineteen and they get assigned to protect Padmé, and Qui-Gon takes one look at this kid's face and thinks "You've got to be fucking kidding me, this shit again??"