niigma-blog

[niigma-blog]

anyway...if anyone wants to get a hold of me, you can add me on skype. i’m synthezoiid (Biggie Nigma). i roleplay there, so...i guess if you want to continue to write, add me. 

[niigma-blog]

I hope you won't leave. It's not often that anyone has the courage to stand up to the bullies who have taken over the Gotham RP community. They have driven out so many people already. My suggestion is to ignore them, and don't respond any more to anything they post-it's always some kind of trap. It's a no win situation, disengage yourself. Keep on interacting with the people who treat you with respect. If you leave, the bullies win. Take care of yourself however you need to. Stay strong.

thanks, really. it’s just not worth attempting to stay when i’ll lose the vast majority of my partners in an attempt to feel safe. while i respect it, it still just really fucking sucks. they’ve gotten into their own little circlejerk where they pat each other on the back and ignore anything that doesn’t really fit their narrative, it seems like. most of my shit is completely ignored because, i guess they don’t have any sort of rebuttal for how big of an asshole their friends are being. 

anyway, it’s not fun here anymore. it’s not fun seeing negativity literally every day on my dash, whether i post anything or not. it’s not fun knowing, now, that i have to be more or less completely silent ooc or risk people being convinced i’m attacking them. it’s not fun knowing i can’t hope for exclusivity from anyone. it’s not fun knowing that everything i say is doubted and thrown under a fucking microscope. 

the fandom here fucking sucks, i’m going to be really honest. there’s a scarce few people that are genuinely nice, kind people, and they’re fantastic. but there’s a whole lot who do nothing but complain, and bring the show down, and each other down, and look for reasons to get mad at people, apparently. people who disagree with their headcanons are told they’re problematic and wrong and shitty. people will say one thing to your face and then completely twist everything you said to turn you into the villain. people will blatantly ignore you. they will bully you out of the fucking fandom entirely. it’s happened with a hell of a lot more people than just me, i can fucking assure you of that much, although we all know gotham’s biggest clique isn’t gonna believe that at all. 

anyway, point is, i’m pretty much not coming back. i’m also not deleting this blog, though, so i guess far in the future, it’s a possibility i’ll be here-- but mostly, i’m keeping this as an archive, and so nobody else can steal my username, honestly. tl;dr you’re lovely and this fandom fucking sucks

[niigma-blog]

actually...honestly, fuck this. i’m leaving and i don’t intend to come back, because it’s pretty obvious i’m extremely disliked here. i’m not tagging anybody here because they’re likely to go freaking out on me...again...so i’ll just leave this for people who’d like to know if i’m actually an enormous asshole or not. beware, there’s a MASSIVE amount of screenshots below the cut. 

apparently i’m not allowed to have confidence in my portrayal. wxddle is, they can say they love their own penguin. i’m not allowed to say i love mine and that i consider myself the best of the fandom. i had a completely civil conversation with that person. i apologized multiple times over for underestimating what an inflammatory question it was. i told them they didn’t have to choose sides, that was fine. they acted like i told them who to follow.

people won’t talk this out with me. they are repeatedly taking everything completely out of context and simply blatantly lying about things i’ve done. i didn’t flame anybody. i don’t fucking flame people. i never did that. at all. when i try to clarify things ,or patch things up - never once slinging insults or trying to be rude, i get blocked, or people answer it publicly. 

( ^^ me explicitly mentioning that i never flamed anybody or even began to insult anybody at all. it’s not exactly possible to prove an absence of something, though, so...)

people are saying this is causing a huge rift but...i really can’t imagine how. how is this anything  different than people asking to be exclusive with one another? it’s literally the same thing... i’m NOT trying to tell people who to follow or who to interact with...i explicitly said that... you can keep talking to literally whoever you want...that’s fine... you have every right in the world and i don’t think any less of you for it. and again...it’s more or less the same as asking someone to be exclusive. not me trying to cause a rift. are exclusive roleplayers trying to cause rifts, too..? 

at this point it honestly doesn’t matter what i say or do. half the fandom now hates me for things that didn’t happen. because people aren’t giving context, they aren’t showing parts where i clarified, they just represent their side. and i’m the asshole. 

so fine. i’m the asshole, i guess. i’m resolved to that at this point. but here’s my proof that i didn’t do or say those things, and that i’m not just pulling stuff out of nowhere. 

and since i’ve been told about half a million times that they aren’t, actually, negative on their blog, here’s this. they’re all from the same month time span or so, i think. 

[niigma-blog]

and, for what it’s worth as to their rant - obviously, a lot of the messages I sent were sent while (extremely) intoxicated, which I warned them about. I also included several apologies for wording things more harshly than I intended and coming across rudely, as well as clarifying several things that didn’t end up getting included in the post, which makes it...pretty skewed.  anyway, i did my best to resolve this in a non-shitty way all around, and apparently i failed, but i legitimately tried. at this point it’s other people not being willing to listen or resolve things, or mitigate the drama coming from this.  i apologize, once again, for everything here. none of it was meant maliciously in the slightest. 

stares into the sun just to clarify, since i don’t really care enough to respond to that reblogged rant publicly, despite what they say, i’m not trying to encourage any sort of divide in the fandom. that’s literally what i’m trying to avoid. i honestly did not anticipate the question being received so harshly, as i thought it would be a fairly cut and dry yes-no question. i’ve messaged people regarding it being as courteous as i possibly can. so far most have preferred not to be asked to take sides, and that’s fine. i told them so, said i understood, wished them well, and unfollowed. i’m not trying to turn this into something toxic. i’m trying to keep myself feeling comfortable and safe here, and to prevent myself from seeing or interacting with people who i don’t favor, so that i can avoid issues like this in the future.  if my decision makes you uncomfortable, that’s fine, and i understand. if you’re friends with that group, that’s fine. more power to you. i don’t think badly of you for it, i would just prefer to distance myself from you, for my own personal feelings of safety. 

[niigma-blog]

stares into the sun just to clarify, since i don’t really care enough to respond to that reblogged rant publicly, despite what they say, i’m not trying to encourage any sort of divide in the fandom. that’s literally what i’m trying to avoid. i honestly did not anticipate the question being received so harshly, as i thought it would be a fairly cut and dry yes-no question. i’ve messaged people regarding it being as courteous as i possibly can. so far most have preferred not to be asked to take sides, and that’s fine. i told them so, said i understood, wished them well, and unfollowed. i’m not trying to turn this into something toxic. i’m trying to keep myself feeling comfortable and safe here, and to prevent myself from seeing or interacting with people who i don’t favor, so that i can avoid issues like this in the future.  if my decision makes you uncomfortable, that’s fine, and i understand. if you’re friends with that group, that’s fine. more power to you. i don’t think badly of you for it, i would just prefer to distance myself from you, for my own personal feelings of safety. 

[niigma-blog]

I don't mean to be that guy but why don't you go into xkit and get blacklist, then blacklist people's usernames so you don't have to see them on your dash. This way people get the freedom to write with whoever they want, and you don't get uncomfortable.

no worries, you’re offering a potential solution. I have tumblr savior and I blacklist things there, but it still shows up on my dash as something blocked - I dunno if xkit’s blacklist is different in that respect, or not? 

anyway, it’s slightly less an issue of that and more that it’s now that i feel uncomfortable writing with people who continue to write with that group of people, given how they’ve treated both myself and my friends. personal preference, and i’m not being a dick about it - or, according to some, i guess, i am - but rather thanking them for their decision, apologizing and moving on, etc. no hard feelings involved or anything. 

[niigma-blog]

alright, so!! after spending a decent ~24hrs away from things here to actually enjoy life and spend some time with friends, and it was...kinda great. and it inspired me to just...not give a fuck, really.  so basically, i’m not leaving this blog. i apologize, i’m really not the sort of person to threaten leaving blogs for sympathy or anything - i don’t do that at all. i legitimately was going to leave, but i got a really surprising amount of support here, and i just love Eddie so much that i don’t want to leave him behind. i’m proud of my Ed, and my writing - i think i may be the best Ed in the fandom, in my own personal opinion. i want to be here, so i’m going to stay.  i’m not going to ask people to go exclusive, although i had a surprising amount of offers to do so. i want to learn to deal with seeing others, or at least, handle myself better.  however, i am going to ask my partners to choose between writing with me, or writing with wxddle/nygmah/riiddlemethis/interfectors. this is for my own safety, and so that i can not be nervous here. i don’t do this to be rude or start any sort of vendetta in the slightest. if you say you’d prefer to write with them over me, that’s fine. i’ll drop the thread, unfollow, and that’s that. i’ll start messaging people about this privately, soon.  anyway. i’m staying! i love this blog. i love the people who offered support and sympathy, and those who chose not to unfollow. thank you all so very much. 

[niigma-blog]

     whatever one might classify such a rambling response, it is not      an answer to Edward’s questions, and he is acutely aware of the      fact. annoyance creeps into him, for the first time since meeting      with Jerome, and there is a slight difficult in hiding it; eyes have      narrowed, fingers twitching and twisting and stimming against      the desk, the corners of his lips deforming into a slight frown.      an insight into the deed itself, and his approach to it? sure. he      won’t deny it. interesting? of course. rarely is there a ray of      knowledge he won’t find interesting. but with limited time, and      no second chance nearing on the horizon, Edward is all too      aware of the ticking away of each minute, faster than before. 

           ❝  and so your nature becomes your downfall, then.                an axe is messy, lots of clean-up necessary. and                someone like you hasn’t a clue how to do it pro-                perly.  ❞      a weighted pause overtakes them as Edward embroils himself in       mental calculations, trying to guess how much time they might      yet have before their ill-fated guard makes his reappearance.             ❝  --but it is a feeling I’ve had...echo within me. I               stabbed a man; severed his thoracic artery, so               the blood was minimal. his look of confusion,               hatred, and-- dare I say it-- bafflement... it               unlocked something new in me. overtook me.                truly the modus operandi of a serial killer, no?                mm. I’d thought you might have some particular               spiritual insight. that’s what I get for being a                                                                  ROMANTIC.  ❞

ABUSE. That word alone made him tense, memories flooding his mind. The ones he’s come to master not thinking about. He gives a little HUFF, as he sits up straighter, attention never leaving the other.  He doesn’t like how some STRANGER thinks its okay to talk about whatever he wants to Jerome, especially things he shouldn’t even know about. He didn’t like talking about it.

             ❝ Well, yeah, haven’t you heard ? I get off on CHAOS. ❞

To him, everything that happened BEFORE he murdered his mother DIDN’T happen. He had no past, only a future. His future as the KILLER he was made to  be. No one needed to know how it all started, and if they asked, they’d just have to answer to the end of his blade. He was more than happy to arrange THAT.

           ❝ — wanna know how it went with my mom ? ❞

There was no way Jerome planned on addressing ANYTHING the other had said. It was all detailed information about him, like this guy was trying to get into his head, and he HATED it. He felt cornered, like he had to be CAREFUL of what he said. But this man also seemed like he was a ticking time bomb himself, and Jerome hated to admit that he wanted to be around when he finally EXPLODED.

    ❝ I’m telling you anyway.                                               It’s more than just about that CONTROL…❞

       ❝ It’s about all the little EMOTIONS. That’s why I used that axe, so I could         s a v o r all those little things you’d miss if you used a gun. I stared into my       mother’s eyes as she CHOKED on her own blood and it felt so GOOD.         And the real KICKER is… she even begged a little - HA!                                                               Is that what you wanted to hear, hmm ? ❞

[niigma-blog]

                ❝  business? hardly, Officer. no need to be coy.                      we’re all criminals here, anyway.  ❞      the words slip almost unbidden from his tongue, a snap decision that      he wonders if he shall regret. after all, this man had never treated      him with any particular kindness; the notion that he would begin now      speaks only to his own facetious nature. although still quite acutely      feeling the twisting, wrenching sense of loss that comes with a gift      toppling down from it’s high pedestal, there is a perverse pleasure      in the knowledge. a man perceived by all to be pure and good can      still find himself with an itch that can’t be scratched except by the      darkness of alleys, a weighted gun in hand, a mesh of illegalities.       he presses his glasses up his nose, mentally rewinding Jim’s few,      terse words - nervous of being outed? - before deciding to take      a step backward in the conversation, addressing the veritable      elephant of the room.                  ❝  come now, Gordon. you can’t tell me you’re                     surprised by my being here? you think I find                     it gratifying to be yours and Harvey’s slave?   ❞      true confusion tinges his words, a perplexed expression quickly      over-taking his usually neutral face.                  ❝  but-- of course, you wouldn’t realize you’d                     done anything wrong at all, would you? I’m                     just the hired help, and you playing the part                     of the hero. oblivious to so much, as ever.   ❞      that’s why you’ll always need me.

   The last person he’s expecting to see here, tucked up in hiding with the CRIMINALS of Gotham, is Edward. Jim isn’t an idiot. He’s no longer blind to the CORRUPTION that taints their department or Gotham, but of all the faces he could have stumbled upon, this is the one that surprises him the most. The one that renders him SPEECHLESS, even if it’s just for a few, short seconds.

He can’t remember the EXACT EVENTS that led to this becoming a regular thing. Him coming here, collecting debts or more, collecting BLOOD, whichever one was easiest. Sure, Jim and Oswald had exchanged favours in the past, but it’s different now. It’s more than that. It’s a rush, something he finds himself DRAWN to even though he knows it’s wrong. It also helps him obtain the information he needs which is, perhaps in some sick, TWISTED WAY, the lesser of two evils. He’s still cleaning up their streets, after all. ONE WAY or another.

“I could ask the same question,” he spoke after a moment, finding his voice. His gaze lifts to meet his colleague’s, both CURIOUS and UNCERTAIN, confused as to what Edward could be tangled up in. Longing to know more. Jim doesn’t like not knowing who his FRIENDS OR FOES are. Not even when he himself is dabbling in darkness.

He broke their gaze, throat clearing. “I’m here on BUSINESS. You?”  

[niigma-blog]

send a ‘✖‘ along with why you’re hesitant to roleplay/talk to me.

either on anon or not. 

[niigma-blog]

     always so similar in aspirations, in drive, in ability, they differ just      as sharply, diverging from the same path in subtle, meandering      ways. small things, here and there: while Sherlock has an astute,      almost preternatural ability to read expressions, gestures, body      language, Edward flounders and fails, ultimately deciding it to      be an endeavor simply not worth his time.       as such, he is oblivious to the fact that Sherlock is displeased at      his appearance, less than at ease, inflections utterly lost on him.       where another might shuffle his feet, bite his lip in shame, he      stands tall, too proud of himself at having tracked down this old      acquaintance of his. in reality, it hadn’t been terribly much of a       challenge, given his familiarity with work as striking as Sherlock’s.       a smile curves his lips, baring crooked teeth, as he steps forward.                  ❝  Holmes. regretfully, that pleasure is likely                     to find itself short-lived; you’ve been a                      busy boy, these past weeks. it’s quite the                     potent paralytic, I’ll give you that. but that                     chemical combination... it’s all but a sign-                     ature. mind if I come in? we’ve got some...                     BUSINESS to discuss.  ❞

@niigma gets a starter gotham verse ; sherlock’s flat

The problem with being able to read people as thoroughly as Sherlock can is that it makes it very easy to know when BAD NEWS is coming. Combine this with the flickering but roaring flame of paranoia ignited by a lack of sleep, and you have a continuously FLUCTUATING perception of first impressions. Sherlock hasn’t seen this face in years, and yet he’s almost certain there was never such a DARKNESS hiding behind those glasses. But again, he could just be paranoid.

“Edward Nygma.” The name is followed with a STRAINED smile. After all, they were never what you would call friends. More like fierce competitors, all the worse given that Sherlock didn’t even have ambitions of taking his CHEMISTRY knowledge to the levels of professionalism that Ed aspired to. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

[niigma-blog]

     still all but a child, it is easy to misunderstand the status quo, to      believe everyone potentially equal in class, willing to overlook any      differences in favor of finding a new friend. for someone with Ed’s      infirmity, it is even easier: it is as though naivete runs through his      veins. when blows are not thrown immediately-- a friend they must      be. or so he hopes now, head uptilted to look him over, repeating      his name softly, rolling it over his tongue, lips contorting before he      realizes he has repeated it six, eight times. a blush spreads rapidly      across pale cheeks, like wine spilled upon silk, and he fumbles to      recover from the embarrassment, awkwardly gesturing to sit down.                  ❝  quite an honor to meet you, Oswald. I’m--                     Edward Simiel Nygma. Only Ed, to friends.  ❞      he isn’t sure if that’s an invitation or not, finding himself perplexed       as to the intent of his own phrasing. a frown displaces the once-      bright smile, eyebrows knitting together before he forces a careful      expression of neutrality. he takes in the ragged bookbag, name      sewed into the straps in blue thread, and recognizes it. Cobblepot.       of course, it would be him. he thumbs through a mental list of what      little he happens to know, and it all rings true, from limp, to placating      demeanor. an outsider. a boy without friend. just as suddenly as his      face clearing, it lights up again, alert to all the possibilities before him.       a good impression, first and foremost: he’s learned from too many      sessions amidst the special education instructors that he cannot be      so blatant in intent, because people find it...offputting.                 ❝  tuna, is it? I favor cucumber sandwiches.                      refreshing to the mind and body, I’ve found.  ❞

Join him. He was being asked to join someone – how often had that happened to him? – and his smile is cautious, a hesitant curve of lips over his teeth that hints towards too many tragedies, too many components happening at once.

There is so much noise in his head and he wants it all to be quiet just for a moment, all of those thoughts acting as shrapnel, deep in the folds of his own torment that pierces through the underscoring truth of feeling as if he does not belong, cannot belong, even among those who are around his own age.

No one really belongs anywhere, he thinks as he lifts himself from the ground. But they can trick themselves into thinking they do, for just a short while.

“I don’t have people join me either,” Oswald admits, gathering up his things, one at a time, then two at a time, until all of his belongings are in a giant pile in his arms, his entire being encompassing some sort of graceless act of bone and sinew, flesh and form that speaks of a desperation to connect, a fierce will to meld to someone, to anyone.

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I’m eating ah…something that smells a bit to some, and, I don’t want to bother your nose, I—“

Calm, centered. He took a breath and released it between his mouth, his teeth clicking with the effort almost as if he were braving a winter’s night instead of asking to sit with someone.

“I’m Oswald…good to meet you.”

And he dares to slide into the chair across from the nameless young man before him, his supplies and lunch box fiercely gripped to his person.

This isn’t battle, he reminds himself. This is…potential.

And he too has a hard time meeting this boy’s eyes, eyes are hard to look at, because they reveal how much people want to hurt you.

But he didn’t get that from this one, no.

[niigma-blog]

sanitysnapped:

the words hold partial WEIGHT , and he knows it. mister galavan had not been entirely specific when explaining the reasons behind the outbreak, THE MURDERS, and the need to play out his undying wish for gotham’s fall. jerome has gone along with nods and bows, n e v e r once considering a back-up plan if all were to crash down against his favor. HE LIKES TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT ! the smells, the touches, and sights were all there to behold, waiting and waiting for him. a city like this is just made for the taking. besides, what’s a life if you spend your long days fidgeting with tiresome worry ? he had lost 17 miserable years doing just THAT.

NO NO, he’d never go back to those times. the never-ending moments of weakness and uncertainty were nothing but building blocks to bring him where he is NOW. the entire concrete jungle can’t keep their eyes off a grin like his, and jerome will not end a good show right when it’s beginning. THAT’S A POOR PERFORMANCE.

‘ I SEE you’ve been doing your homework. ’ short giggles ( high-pitched and reminiscent of CLOWNS ) drop fast between stretched lips —— the stranger sounds like an enthusiastic sales-person desperate to sell a product, and oh, he’s met plenty of those. ‘ don’t be mistaken, i hear you. ’ a nod. ‘ i really do. but , i’m more concerned about what a smart man such as yourself has to offer to a guy like me. ’

     arrogant, flippant, so very like a child-- and yet, all the same,      the demeanor is shared between so very many of the criminals      plaguing Gotham’s dark streets. that, Edward thinks proudly, is      precisely why it has been so very  e a s y  to capture and quickly      prosecute them. rather than let slip those incriminating words,       he lifts his chin, struggling to put on an air of CONFIDENCE. 

            ❝  I’m not so heavy-handed as you, to brag about                 exploits in public, for one. if that were not enough                 of an offer, in itself, there is much you’ve yet to                  learn about the...procedures that go into tracking                 maniacs like you down.  ❞      he is fully aware of the potential suggestion left there, the notion      that he is aware of protocol because he runs the protocol. but      who might Jerome alert? it’s not wise to threaten a man who  is      capable enough to track you down. but, then, Jerome is unpredict-      able at best. suddenly remembering that, he fidgets with his cup      of tea, wrapping long fingers around it in search of warmth before      he lifts it to his lips; as ever, each move carefully measured, wishing      to appear, for all the world, utterly casual about their criminal persuasions. 

[niigma-blog]

In my biology class, we’d talked about the definition of life: to be classified as a living creature, a thing needs to eat, breathe, reproduce, and grow. Dogs do, rocks don’t, trees do, plastic doesn’t. Fire, by that definition, is vibrantly alive. It eats everything from wood to flesh, excreting the waste as ash, and it breathes air just like a human, taking in oxygen and emitting carbon. Fire grows, and as it spreads, it creates new fires that spread out and make new fires of their own. Fire drinks gasoline and excretes cinders, it fights for territory, it loves and hates. Sometimes when I watch people trudging through their daily routines, I think that fire is more alive than we are–brighter, hotter, more sure of itself and where it wants to go. Fire doesn’t settle; fire doesn’t tolerate; fire doesn’t ‘get by.‘ Fire does. Fire is. –– Dan wells. 

[niigma-blog]

♕ ━ which fictional characters are your favorites?

hmm, wording on this is terribly vague, so I’m not sure if it means types of characters, or characters themselves-- so I’ll do both (:I’ve always leaned particularly towards villains - or rather, those of somewhat dubious morality. those who do ill but have reasons for it, rather than a taste for wanton destruction. but, at the same time, I positively cherish characters that are relentlessly and patiently good. in following with that, my favorite characters of all time would likely be, ah... Magnus Eisenhardt (Magneto-- I wrote him, for a while), Edward Nygma, and then, on the opposite side of the spectrum, Thor Odinson and Marcus Milton, both of Marvel 616 canon (:

[niigma-blog]

☾ ━ how many pets do you own? if none, what kind of animals do you like?

for the moment, I have two dogs!! one is a basset, and the other is a ridgeback mix. with any luck, in the near future we’ll be expanding to a veritable menagerie, including rats, fish, and lizards!!

[niigma-blog]

mun related

send me one ( or more ) of the following.

✮ ━ top three favorite muses that you’ve played

♫ ━ a small playlist for a muse of your choice

ღ ━ favorite canon ships for your muse(s). are there any you dislike?

✄ ━ do you have any artistic abilities? If so, what can you do?

☀ ━ how long have you been roleplaying? how did you get into it?

❤ ━ do you have any crackships for your muse?

♕ ━ which fictional characters are your favorites?

回 ━ what are your top four favorite shows?

◈  ━ share some headcanons that you have for a muse of your choosing

↓ ━ have you had any bad experiences with roleplaying?

☾ ━ how many pets do you own? if none, what kind of animals do you like?

♣ ━ share five random facts about yourself