nightdrivesandlonleycries

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

Everyone can see the way she still looks at him, the way her eyes light up and for her he’s the only one around, she never wants to look away from him. But she won’t let herself still be in love with him. “I’m over him” she says as she holds another’s hand. But she still can’t look away. He still has all her heart strings.

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

My first relationship wasn't like most, sure there was lots of love and we thought we'd end up together but there wasn't any of those innocent and slightly awkward things like first kisses, hand holding, dates, double dates, cuddling, walking each other to class, wearing his jacket and friends pointing out coupley things, they're just not things I expect in a relationship. They kind of make me uncomfortable like I wasn't made for a relationship like this. I hope someday I'll be comfortable with these things and really love them but *sigh* for now I'll just get through this. And hey, maybe because I didn't have any of this the first time I'll appreciate it more than someone who's never been in a long distance relationship.

9/11/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

That's how I wish the world was; just me and him, together.

7/21/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

"Years later I want you all to look back at this time, and say "Yeah, she was right." "She did the right thing." And "I wish we still had a friend like her around". While I'm long gone to somewhere far away with someone far better than you all."

7/21/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

He’s supposed to be with me. I’ve spent all these tears, heartache and time on wanting him and he chose her.

7/6/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

You're my Robin Scherbatsky. I'll always have feelings for you, even when I might love someone else more at the moment. My feelings always go back to you. And sadly that usually ruins other relationships, even when I try my best to keep it together. I'm afraid to fall for anyone else because I'll always have feelings for you and that just means I'm closing the door on us but I fall for others anyways. You might never feel the same way I do but I'll always hope you will someday so I'm afraid to let you go. Maybe when we're older I'll "win the lottery" and finally be with you but for now I'm just hoping; hoping I can get over you and actually be with someone else happily and also hoping I can only like you and you could feel the same way. Torn between giving in and giving up.

-6/29/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

All I want is a best friend, a soulmate, romantic, platonic or somewhere in between. Someone to stay with me forever maybe? Someone that their go to person to hang out with or talk to is me. Someone who lives near by so we actually can hang out and we don't get jealous of their local friends. Someone who I'm their favorite and they're mine. Someone that doesn't get tired of me. Someone that understands me and likes my favorite things. Someone who's easy to have fun with. All I want is a best friend. Why is it so hard for me to be someone's favorite?

6/08/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

"Who are you sending that to?" a simple question but it breaks my heart when you respond with her name. Because you might not have know but the question really meant "Who are you talking to? Who do you talk to instead of me? Who's replaced my conversations and my friendship? Who's one of the people that you're closer to than me, who helped you avoid me?" its been months but it still hurts me because you're the best person I've meet, the only best friend I've had, and we barely talk anymore, I avoid you but I miss you so much I just wish you were as lonely as me, I wish you wanted me back and when you said you're my best friend you meant forever not just for a few months because forever's what I meant when I called you mine. But now you're calling someone else your best friend and I'm wondering why you were tired of me and scared that you'll get tired of her too and she'll be in pain like me, I don't want that for her but I don't want to be the only one who you got bored of.

6/078/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

I can usually tell myself I’m over him, but then he does that thing, and all those feelings rush back and can’t stop thinking about that moment with him. “What’s that thing he does?” you might ask; sometimes touching my hand, a hug or eye contact, but sometimes it’s just seeing him that brings me back. Anyone talking about him, or that song that reminds me of him. And every time these feelings come back I start to wonder if I’m making a mistake going after someone else instead of still chasing him.

6/1/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

How can you not know. How can you not know how I feel when I always tell you things that happen and how I feel about them. How can you not know how I feel about them with all my hints and everything I say. If you don't know how I feel who else is able to? I wish you'd tell me how I feel so I now how I think I feel is how I really fell. Please just tell me what you think I feel for them.

5/22/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

Slept in you shirt last night and this morning I'll stay in bed a little longer so I don't have to take it off.

5/21/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

Your songs will always be your songs. Memories of you will always be your memories. Even if my heart isn’t yours those memories will always be yours, and everything that reminds me of you will always remind me of you.

5/18/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

Tears in your eyes you sit by me. I wonder why you’re upset but of course I don’t ask why it’s not my place to, if you want me to know you could tell me. I get upset seeing you like this, then you show me the message she sent you “I think we should just be friends” your hand was shaking and I could barely read it but my heart broke with yours. For a slight moment I was glad because the thought of not having to see you with her again and you being single again gave me hope that you could be with me. I was sad again, seeing you sad always makes me sad. I want to hug you tell you it’ll be better and I’m here for you. I’m always afraid to show how I actually feel about you even in a friendly love, I’m scared to comfort you because what if you don’t want me to? I also wanted to scream out “Finally it’s over.” and shake you and tell you “She was never for you and you should be with me, you should be with me!” but I just sat there trying to hide how upset I really was. The bell rings we have to go to class, there I can cry because you’re crying without you seeing how I feel. Hours later and I’m still imagining your face tearing up right in front of me but also falling in love with the happy moments we had later today.

5/11/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

I can see you with her, that’s just fine. I can see you next to each other and be okay. I can’t watch you hold hands or say “I love you” I can’t hear someone talk about you two as a couple or hear her be referred to as your girlfriend and I can’t listen to you or her talk about each other. I know you shouldn’t be together, you should be with me instead.

5/11/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

All I ever wanted was a best friend. Someone to create my favorite memories with, to be there for me when a bad memory is made. And I'd be there for them too. We'd talk all day everyday, about anything or nothing at all, never missing a good morning or good night text. I just wanted a best friend and for them to consider me their best friend. I guess I'm just too much of a burden to be your best friend or anyone else's.

4/08/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

I held you and in that moment I held my entire world. In that moment all was well. Everything was perfect before you let go. Then reality hit where I don’t have you and she’s your world and you’d rather hold her.

5/01/17

[nightdrivesandlonleycries]

I’ve chosen you twice before and I’m choosing you a third time. It’s you and it’s always been you. It’s you who I feel safe with, you I think of when I here of love, it’s you who I want to be with now and always, I want you. I think I’m a fool for picking you when you chose her but hey at least I’m only a fool for you. Maybe someday you won’t be an option to chose from but be the only who has even the slightest touch of my heart, and maybe someday you’ll chose be. I hope we can chose us at the same time at least once. I chose you, I also have, someday I hope you’ll know, someday I hope you chose me too.

4/29/17