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ngl-itstbf · 8 days ago

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"When I saw Jaslin's face as she left the room that Alec was in, sweeping past me, I knew he hadn't taken the news . . . particularily well. But when I walked in? Something was wrong. He needed . . . what. Attention? Care? Solace? Even, maybe, just a hug? And I gave him just that. I gave him all of it. Because Alec deserved it all, just as much as anybody else on Earth. Or . . . Neptune, in our case.

Alec shook like a raging thunderstorm, shuddering like the trees in the gusts of wind, his mind clouding over. He mumbled frantically, incoherently, and I could only articulate the word 'dad', like he was pleading for his dad. I remember wishing that I could've given him a last phone-call to his dad, and I remember my heart feeling heavy, because it was impossible. It was impossible since he got here.

I shushed him, held him, knew him. Like a lost, abandoned child, who was slowly growing more fearful of everything around him, including himself. Like a dying crow, that was seen by a dove, but they're not the same, and the dove can't save the crow, and all is wrong. All is going wrong, for that broken crow, and the fearful dove. But the difference between us is that, I'm sure I won't let it go wrong. I'm so sure.

I helped him calm down. I sat him down on the meeting room's large sofa, and I let him cry into my chest. It took a while for him to relax, and I was there the entire time. Uncontrollably hiccupping and sniffling. After a couple minutes, Jaslin came in with a mug full of chilly water and a plate of crackers and cheese. He manages a shaky and quiet 'thanks', which was the first word he said, and I couldn't help but notice how it cracked, like he could cry again. Like he had to swallow back a sob.

I hushed him and helped him take a small sip of some of the water from the tall glass. Jaslin pecked him on the head and left - she does that to all of us when we're crying, and it always comes with a gushing sense of safety. As he takes too much water in and coughs some of it up, I pat his back and repeat, 'Easy, Alec, easy.' He exhales shakily, and a few remaining droplets stray his eyes. I'm waiting for him to speak again, but he can take his time. He can take all day if he needs to. I'll still be here.

He looks up at me properly this time, though his gaze cowers under my own worried look, and he manages to declare outwardly to me, '. .My name, it's really Clover.' The sudden request catches me off guard. I say, louder than it needed to be, 'Clover? What? No way!?', which gets him to crack a small smile from the corner of his lips. '. . Only tell them my real name if you know theirs. And if their name is Gaia, or Will . . bring them to me, will you?' He requests again, and this time, I reply softly with the words, '. . Yes, of course, Clover. I promise.'

It feels like I know a very special secret. Like I'm very trusted to him, and that is why he allowed me in on it. He tells me, 'I want you to call me Alec around everyone still. Clover was the name I used at home, but I . . I think Alec will be my name now.', and I nod acceptingly, and look into his eyes. He shys away. 'It's cute.' I say, suddenly, thinking I shouldn't have, but he meekly meets my eyes for a moment, replying with an, '. . is it?', and I answer, 'Yeah!'. He averts his gaze from mine flusteredly. 'Thanks . .'

'Al?' I call out to him, as his gaze draws in onto the ground. 'Are you all right? You're acting quieter.' He shakes his head in response, his eyes jerking up to meet mine, but a faint pink tint dusts his cheeks. 'Just exhausted . . you know panic attacks, ha-ha.' And I nod reassuringly. Then I get up, and I put my hands on his hips, pulling him up along with me. 'If you're tired . . then let's sleep. Idiot."

I throw him over my shoulder — he’s not very heavy, like a pillow, but he’s much skinnier than when I first saw him. Maybe I should make him some more food . . . — and he yelps out loud, making both of us laugh like idiots. I begin to run with him clutched over my shoulder, and he screams at me, 'Flynn goddamn Tracy!! Let me down right this instant!' But I don't, and we both grin, and it's like we're kids again. I get to our room and jolt him off me, onto his bed. Today was rough for him, and I figured he needed some space, a bit of down time. We both stop giggling after a bit. I turn off the lights in our room and slip into my own bed . . but I can't sleep, and I have a feeling he couldn't, either. And as I lay back . . . '. . Flynn.'

I sense the hesitant, almost pleading tone in his voice, and I sit up slightly. I move the comforter aside, shift to the left, and pat the open space on the right. He climbs out of his bed, and crawls right under my arm, laying his head on my shoulder, his left thigh overlapping my right thigh. I carefully move to lay down with him still on me, adjusting the pillow. Our legs entangle, his arms fall over my shoulders, his face buried in my neck. I pull him closer, and he closes his eyes, easily engulfing himself after — what seems like — only a few moments in a soft realm of slumber.

I know what he needs, and I will give my all to provide that for him, give that to him. Give him anything he needs, including things as simple as comfort, time. And safety. It was one of my first entirely peaceful sleep. If you ask me for the truth, I had a bit of a rocky upbringing, to say the least. All of us in the Nocturnals Organization had, and if not, we had some sort of traumatic thing to make us how we are. We're all a little bit traumatized. And physical contact . . well, I feared it. Even just getting approached from behind. That is, until I met Alec.

As I peer at his unconscious form, I wonder about it all. Is he anything like me? Maybe, is he traumatized like me, fragile, like me, broken? Like me? Or . . Why is he so . . . attractive? Alluring? Captivating? And, gods, WHAT, are all those scars from? Who gave them to him? Why did he call for his dad, and not his mom? Who made him fall through the portal, or did he come alone? Why was he cuddling me right now? Does he trust me? I darn hope so.

Tomorrow, I'm taking him out to see Neptune's cities. So I'd better rest my mind before I go mad. I kiss him on the head, and hope he doesn’t wake up.

So . . rest up, my beauty, my dearest, my crow, Clover Alec Lynn.

Finally, I fall asleep." Written by TBF // Tia

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