nellachronism

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I'm pretty sure I'm Depressed, because I'm weeping while eating a breaded pork chop my mom made on Christmas eve.

I have a good relationship with my parents. It's a delicious pork chop. It's a left over and I'm hungry. But it's the day after Christmas and I've been feeling wrong since before Christmas (let's say since August by conservative estimates) and I've been promising myself if I can just make it to Christmas, we'll work on *wave around * and then I'll be fine again. Just have to make it past Christmas.

And it's the 26th, and I did make the one doctor appointment I've been struggling to make since FUCKING NOVEMBER, but then I got in the car to drive back home alone, where in theory I will get my shit into even MORE ORDER now that "Christmas" according to America is over--

And today I can't. Instead I'm eating a leftover porkchop and typing this and I'm WEEPING. LITERALLY WEEPING like that scene from SPIRITED AWAY.

Long story short. I made a bad pact with the fae back in mumbles, obviously. Everyone with half a sense knows Christmas lasts until January 6th.

Pray for me, Mojo.

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Memo to me:

Begin my next DnD campaign this way. Don't tell my players I'm using their boasts to build out the campaign. PROFIT.

this will be the year I finally convince everyone to abandon New Year's resolutions in favour of Yule Boasting, the clearly superior tradition

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I think Odysseus is the guy everyone else makes talk to the cops when they show up to bust the party.

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I'm in the middle of Act 2 and here's my opinion of all the companions so far.

Lae'zel: I didn't like her at all first, but then she told me she loved how I stink and I realized she's just an angry little guy. She's so pissed at all times and I like how she hisses at me. Girl you are fucked up. 10/10, will romance her at some point.

Shadowheart: Ngl she was a little bland but very easy to get approval with so she was my bestie early on. Now that she's revealed her religious trauma I think she's a poor little meow meow. She should be a tumblr sexyman. 10/10, will romance her at some point.

Astarion: Went in hating his ass thinking he was overhyped. Got brainwashed quickly by the horny voice and the laugh lines. Hated him again when he kept being a little bitch. Hugged him oh so tenderly. He likes it when I tell people to kill themselves. 10/10, will romance him again.

Gale: Was considering romancing him until the ex reveal. Big turnoff for insecure bitches (me). Act 2 started and I got interested again because of the angst. He's funny and his dialogue is the best written/wittiest out of all the companions. Accidentally led him on. 10/10, will romance him at some point.

Wyll: Thought he was a bit bland at first ngl. Very standard backstory. Probably the best-looking companion out of all of them. Got extremely easy approval with him despite not bringing him around often. Then I realized he's charmingly silly but deeply genuine with his heroic aspirations. 10/10, wyll romance him at some point.

Karlach: Best girl, no contest. Loved her from the start. Big, fun, funny, good heart, and boy she can do a LOT of damage on the battlefield. Absolutely waifu material. Touchstarved and gorgeous? I'm straight but she could get it type shit. I want her to split me in half with a single pelvic thrust. 10/10, will romance her at some point.

Halsin: Liked him from the start. He's fucking massive. My Tav looked at him with lovesick puppy eyes in every early custcene so I was considering romancing him in the beginning, but he's way too nice for them lmao. No notes, he's literally just a giant teddy bear of a man and I love him. 10/10, will romance him at some point.

All in all it's pretty impressive how Larian got jackpot on all of these little freaks. I can't say I dislike any of them.

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"Astarion bad because he doesn't wanna help the tieflings / grove" imagine you've just escaped a crashing alien ship and the first level 1 adventurer you meet tells you "we gonna go save some people you don't know, 4 of us vs like 50 goblins, you in?" girl I would quit the party right there

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@neil-gaiman et al has done the Lord’s Work of giving me a fertile new field of Good Omens canon to romp in with fic and that’s all I’m going to say about that for now.

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we are so optimistic about men fucking in here. we are stacking them like legos

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I love reading a book you are slightly too stupid for

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The Glorious 25th of May

The scent rolled over him.

He looked up.

Overhead, a lilac tree was in bloom.

He stared.

Damn! Damn! Damn! Every year he forgot. Well, no. He never forgot. He just put the memories away, like old silverware that you didn’t want to tarnish. And every year they came back, sharp and sparkling, and stabbed him in the heart.

– on the Glorious 25th of May | Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

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Truly an example of the mortifying ordeal of being known

me right now

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im literally not exaggerating when i tell you guys this video saved my life

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Oh no. We’re starting to build ourself a pantheon. This one’s me:

if you were a deity, what would you be the god of

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Sherlock Holmes having a universal ace experience -- expressing disinterest and immediately getting called an inhuman robot.

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The best part is I know this is a dangerous animal but gdi they painted them friend shaped

THIS is the bear cave painting i was talking about, the line weight, the proportions, the fine details around the face, and the fact that this all had to be drawn from memory, idk man, it’s incredible to me. if i could meet one person from history it’d be the person that painted this bear 30,000 years ago

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I think often about how when tempted by the ring gandalf and galadriel talk about the nebulous amorphous Great Deeds they would do while boromir talks almost exclusively about how he would save his people. like. dunno man, that’s the kind of shit that makes me want to fucking sob. boromir’s ‘corruption’ is still a desperate and all-encompassing desire to protect and defend. says a lot about a man, i think!