Kael • 24 • they/them | spn on main and idiot on the side | we can still love it here, i know we can
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me, reading my posts: this person is mentally ill
#and that's another thing like if having insight was enough then i would be the most mentally stable person alive#i know i'm like this and i wish i wasn't too#kael.txt#fuck it. horse plinko
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me: i just feel so stupid asking for help
my therapist: do you think i'm stupid for thinking you need more help?
me, begrudgingly: nooooooooo
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oh no! my sense of invalidation is reality based! and my reality keeps giving me more evidence! do services understand how much i have to work through to ask for help? no! because if they did, they wouldn't be stupid enough to continue! not!! helping!!!
#me on the phone with psych triage after they didn't help AGAIN: my therapist is gonna be so pissed about this when she gets back from leave#they fucking... were like 'see your gp' and when i said there weren't any appointments until January they just. ignored that i guess#and they gave me a service that your doctor has to refer to#and then were like 'so you've got a few options'#ohhhh my god.#yes i have options. in JANUARY. fucking HELP ME!!#my last appointment with my therapist she told me i should be turning my anger outwards instead of inwards#so i'm getting mad instead of getting suicidal#i'm easy to help okay! like i want help and i engage with help and if you help me i will be helped#i just am so tired of wanting to kill myself all the time like im going to work because if im alone i will just rot away#and i'm sick of getting rejected by services the only reason i'm still trying is because of my partner#ugh i hate this. hate this hate this hate this. i don't deserve help is that it? like i just don't deserve it?#is it that i shouldn't need it? is it my fault that what i have isn't enough?#i feel so stupid for asking. why am i always trying when i know it rarely works#i should try and kms i'll either fail but finally be bad enough or i'll succeed and finally be done with feeling like this#...and this is why my therapist is telling me to turn it outwards#nothing personal psych triage you're just dumb xoxo#kael.txt#rambling in the tags
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daydreaming isn’t enough i need it to happen to me in real life
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i have a few more unconstructive things to add to the conversation and then i'll leave
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just heard theyre going to kill me repeatedly until i do better. classic!
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Anders in a flower crown.
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POV you’ve just been resurrected by a cat. I’ve been spoiled for DA2 so I know he’s going to break my heart, but I’ve decided to ignore that for now 🫠
Still busy with comms, so another quick doodle for today! (Inspired by the samurai cat meme lol)
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The way I was treated as a child taught me that I wasn't important, but it was important to not be an inconvenience to others. And that my suffering was my own; I was only deserving of help if others deemed it "bad enough."
But the truth is people are inconvenient by nature, and our suffering counts even when we're the only ones who feel it.
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soju may taste like juice but theres no way the memes aren't ridiculously exaggerated. this bottles only 5 units it cant affect me that considerably
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Golden Cucco from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
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"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back
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you know that furry spectrum meme. there's an evil version of it.
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