nappingnyima

[nappingnyima]

“I feel the simmering in my bones. That sometimes I assumed I would grow old, lingering with thoughts of you proudly on my nose. I don’t really know. But I want to say I hope I can open up to you soon. Maybe then my thoughts will fade evenly amongst the growth. I want you to know I don’t really know. There’s so many things I wish I said and there’s so many things I wish I didn’t and I’m so happy that it ended but I want to meet you again in another time. One where both of us are excited to strive. You did make me happy sometimes but leaving was right. Please come soon, I’d like to see you one day soon. When we both know that the past could be made new.”

I’m happy to see you go

[nappingnyima]

I always have such need to merely talk to you. Even when I have nothing to talk about – with you I just seem to go right ahead and sort of invent it. I invent it for you. Because I never seem to run out of tenderness for you and because I need to feel you near. Excuse the bad writing and excuse the emotional overflow. What I mean to say, perhaps, is that, in a way, I am never empty of you; not for a moment, an instant, a single second.

Virginia Woolf, from a letter to Vita Sackville-West (via blancheparish)

[nappingnyima]

"There are times like these that I hope wouldn't linger on forever, but at times like these it seems hopeless that it will ever fade. There's just something in the way you say, anything. I fear myself in consequence. We've come to a place you didn't want to be and it seems I'm with someone I didn't think could love me. I don't mean to sound completely pessimistic but I assume the worst in every aspect of me and it can't be healthy. And I know you can't love me. It's swift, I'm swift while we both drift , somehow near each other now, and I guess we decided to move the same way. But there's always the day when you prove me right or wrong. Please love me right, and prove me wrong."

- Oh golly gee: another poem by me

[nappingnyima]

Enough, enough, I don’t want to only be enough. I want to be more and then some. How to be more and then some. How to make someone love you. And then some. Please understand that you can’t stay if you want to go away, it’s not gentle, it is not kind. You are not gentle, you are not kind. Most of the time. I want to go away, because of how much I want to stay. Fuck, I want you to stay. You are enough, but not more than that. I’d like someone more than that.

Pity and love as synonyms

[nappingnyima]

Dear Miss. Misery Put your sloppy feelings away Your one armed hugs and your avoiding gazes fumbling words and frightening chances i dont greet you anymore And you don’t care i don’t care Excuses like vomit You make me sick sick to my stomach Of simple things Your Knuckles like stones! Your Veins like branches! Your Gaze like moss! Your Lips like blossoms! I’m pretty lifted and you’re fairly gifted My heart aches; heart aches for you Are you lonely? There’s a pang in my heart Meant for you; Because of you, There’s an ache in my chest. Can I die from feeling so miserable?

Words to me, from me, because of you (via nappingnyima)

[nappingnyima]

He says that he’ll never get sick of me but he’s always got a cold, his mother says it’s his weak bones and the way he’s never home. I say “please don’t leave” and he says that he wouldn’t dream of it but half the time, he doesn’t sleep. He says that he’ll never get sick of me but he coughs when we kiss.

(via extrasad)

[nappingnyima]

I’m terrified of you,  Not terrified of never holding you in my palms Or that your soul will never be intertwined with mine it’s more along the lines of, Being afraid because Each time you speak I believe every word. You speak about the universe and the stardust and other realities in a way I want to understand You speak with the authority of centuries echoing your every syllable. You mumble; but the soft frequency and unwavering certainty add to your authenticity. You believe in everything, and nothing, and anything,  at the same time. Basically you say fucked up shit. And it’s fucked up because I totally believe that shit. I want to be fucked up with you. That’s the extent of my infatuation. Dark, wet, an unworldly being with deep, genuine eyes. My soul was heavy and my eyes were irritated the moment you told me you weren’t human. I never thought I was human. I’m frightened because I don’t mind not being human, if you are not as well. I’m vexed because I don’t mind experiencing the intensity of eternity, as long as you’re lost too.

“[You] are more concerned with the stars above [you] than the stardust around [you]“ (via nappingnyima)

[nappingnyima]

I have this distinct inability to understand the rhythm from which you’re name falls off of my tongue.  At the most inconvenient of times I find myself slobbering characteristics of you. Spitting mercury, the poison of your soul, my soul, our souls, out onto the kitchen floor for all the party guests to see. No one cares to notice what’s going on  underneath sloppy love pats and “lifting” phrases  fail to phase me and my flooding brain Don’t misunderstand me, I do not wish to show you off, like a losing prize I want you to perish, like I, Like me? From this disease, of wanting to be, the only thing that you speak.

You have some real issues (via nappingnyima)

[nappingnyima]

My biggest fear is that you’ll never come here And I just want to be clear I have no intention of being possessive You just have this way about you, dear I just have to get near, Near the heat of your skin There are words behind your palms And I want to re-read them all Til’ I can’t recall my name It would take just a graze What can I do to make you lean my way Do I have to whisper your name? Or will you never play fair? Mind games are not my thing My brain is fried From the excessive need to smother out your being with a Car full of smoke

Lust and Love are two in one (via sailorgabbi)

[nappingnyima]

I wish people could just say how they feel like ‘Hey I really don’t like when you do that to me’ or ‘Hey I’m in love with you’ or ‘Hi I really miss you and I think about you all the time’ without sounding desperate. Why can’t everyone be painfully honest and just save people the trouble.

maybe because some people just can’t face and accept the truth (via misjudgments)

[nappingnyima]

You are twenty. You are not dead, although you were dead. The girl who died. And was resurrected. Children. Witches. Magic. Symbols. Remember the illogic of the fantasy.

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath (via eveninglesbian)

[nappingnyima]

i could never understand why you loved her more, or why you loved her at all, because she left a sick feeling in your stomach and a bad taste in your mouth and love is supposed to be sick in a good way, not sick in a “tell my mom i love her” kind of way. and i could never understand why i loved you more, or why i loved you at all, because you left bruises on my heart and bruises on my skin and i forgot the taste of your lips because i was drowning in my tears and love is supposed to be drowning in a good way, not drowning in a “oh my god there’s so much blood” kind of way. and i couldn’t understand why you were able to fuck her with the lights on and off, but you couldnt even hug me in front of your mom, and she always looked at me with sad eyes and i never understood why until i overheard her one night after dinner while she said “let this poor girl go now before you break her heart.” and i have yet to understand why you loved her more or why you loved her at all because saying her name burned your throat worse than alcohol did and she left you with a smile on her face and her knife in your chest but you still crawled after her.

but maybe it’s human nature to want what makes our insides turn (via compljcated)

[nappingnyima]

I bend to a will that is far from my own.

Centered deep within my earth like a thought I forgot could be easily disposed. I burn intensely, preoccupied with later, but now you are here and it's all too certain for me to handle. You collected me from a place I never would've guess you could find, and now I am yours. But how about you, are you mine?

I bend to a will that is far from your own.

You never knew you could change for someone as fluid as your skull. I mostly shake, even in a tight embrace, I quake, but only because I have never felt this much in this life cycle. A simple kind of flood, overtime, I hope I can overflow your mind. Thoughts of me, thoughts of me, think of me until I'm no longer unsatisfied with being exposed to a new sunshine.

I bend to a will I never knew I would find.

I never thought I could feel so much delight, at one time. I never knew I could feel so much for anyone. Actually. But you might've changed my mind.

[nappingnyima]

–Charles Baudelaire

[nappingnyima]

[nappingnyima]

This note was found in New Orleans.

Kiss you all over and over again Til the nite closes in

[nappingnyima]

you say to yourself “fine, i’m all i’ve got. i can live with that” and then suddenly there’s sleepy kisses and sweaty palms and a light you’ve never known and you’re walking down cracked streets with wobbling knees because you’re stone cold sober but your heart’s never raced this fast before you’ve never felt so lightheaded and it’s the type of high where you know as soon as you start coming down you’ll be a mess of bleary eyes and loneliness fumbling over apologies and wishing you could rewind to five minutes ago when her hands were in your hair and you breathed her in because she tasted so much better than your favorite cigarettes that you might as well throw away the pack because it can’t compare to this five minutes ago you were happy and now the high is wearing off because you’ve never seen this light before you couldn’t help but squint and when you open your eyes again there’s no late night phone calls or smiling so widely you can’t kiss without bumping teeth so you say to yourself “fine, i’m all i’ve got. i can live with that” but your voice wavers on the words and you’re not really sure what to do with your hands anymore and you really shouldn’t have thrown away that pack of cigarettes