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today is so full circle. i'm speaking in a panel tonight about life as a dancer. i'm working a really good job at telfar and they've carried me through so much of my adult life. i upgraded my roc nation distro to sony, which means i'm drowned in a bigger pool but have access to the widest network. i still love making music. right now i don't feel rich or poor, just stable, content, hopeful. it's still 2 months before i turn 25, will i do everything i said i would? if not i'm not tripping. i'm okay with how my life turns out as long as i can take care of my needs and provide some support here and there. houston ran away. i put her out front after she bit oche, but she didn't come around when i called her name. i'm sad she's not with me, i miss her presence a lot. but when cats run away it's for a reason i think, i just hope i can be her mommy again some day soon. i'm thinking through my friendships over the years, the ones that grew deeper and the ones that fell apart; i wish i could say i want to have the same core group of old croons from cradle to casket, but i don't think that's true. i'm happy to have many friends, or none, or a few. i don't mind when they come and go. i've learned to separate my feelings from my environment and see my own self for who i am and those feelings for what they are. i can curb the part of me that is possessive, because if not freely chosen it is not my will to assert that you belong to me. my submission happens only by way of the other. i pretend that i've had great loves in my life but within the iris of my eye it's clear as day that i am youth, with the whole world beside me, ahead of me, and nothing truly behind me. everything else...well? that's for time to tell.
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