nabsfads

[nabsfads]

i'll pretend that im excited

for whatever happens next,

like im not texting other people

just to wait for you to text.

people move and people leave;

people choose who to forgive.

i wear my heart out on my sleeve

but fake aloof to when you speak -

unnaturally. and i will question

whatever could have happened.

but while your heart is kept discreet,

i think we both know what it means.

[nabsfads]

i float around -

in feathers and trees;

wind howling so smooth,

the waves smile at me

and never i manage

to land on my feet;

or realise the words

i paint, incomplete

a teethering chuckle,

a sweetness in vile;

connect by the buckle,

i'll check in each aisle

for words ive forgotten,

i lose as they flee;

rarely so simple,

my art, my sweet pea

[nabsfads]

everyone knows everyone

so how dare you know me

foolish wants, selfish desires

to be far from obsolete

[nabsfads]

poured my heart to one,

just for you to run;

while i stare into the sun

and beg to turn me gone.

the sweat from my temple,

and sweat from your eyes.

just as the lark flaps her wings,

you beg for goodbye.

what i can never take back,

what you will never forget,

but free from my chest -

youre just another shell.

i wish you gone

[nabsfads]

i don't disappoint me as badly as you do

everyone's leaving, i wait for a new moon

therapists tell me it's out of my hands but

i push away love if i cant understand it

you're holding me tight and i just want an end it's

killing me harder than what you'd expect when

i crave for the touch of your lover's delight but

my heart freezes off when my mind starts to plight its

never your fault, to you its mine

when i say no do you really wish that id die

can you tell that i try to re-ignite

any care for the world, i saved from the previous night..

cold preservations, i make it in time

any word that i speak's only heard as a whine

i know what you think and you want of me

i'll repress my relent so you fall asleep, cause its

never your fault, to you its mine

when i say no do you really wish that id die

and i wanna be better, i wanna create

any care for the world, but its always too late

and my mind's in a place too far to regain

barely feeling a thing, but i feel all this pain

can you tell that i try? can you tell that i try?

once again!

make amends!

lose your friends!

can you..

keep disappointing or it feels too untrue

hear the whispers i squeak when the ground starts to move

can you tell that i try to re-ignite,

one more time?

[nabsfads]

nobody's seen me in 4 weeks,

locking the doors before i sleep,

dread washing over, my tears through the cover,

people are asking if we'll meet.

something just feels so incomplete.

am i in my memories or my dreams?

i only turn older, heart still on my shoulder,

but wont let nobody in my reach

smile lines, glass eyes,

when did you last say goodbye?

head's always spinning, and i'm always leaving

so nobody gets any chance to see my

smile lines, faint heart,

i'll only tear your brain apart.

never intention, but always what happens,

i'll never let nobody close enough to -

hold me, i dont ask you for more.

learn 80 songs, losing rapport.

when does it end, never, end, never, end, never, end,

never holding on to stupid dreams

of being a genie, granting your wish;

being somebody that you'd wanna see

no more commitments to beings who are kind

i'll let the breeze wash over my

smile lines, long nights

i'll meet you when the time is right

so scared to lose you, so i'll lose you first

only get scared that im making it worse

promise you wont get close enough to see my

smile lines

faint heart

long nights

[nabsfads]

when did the war in my mind

slow down

as i wished for rain

to swallow us whole

while the rivers and lakes

would always mistake

me for somebody better

wont change like the weather

as i cure

as i cure

beating of drums in my arms

flowing

through beats of my mind

stoic and lonely and

never understanding a man

who offers

a hand to leave marks

sharper than darts but

full

of cure

my mind

my soul

telling me to run as i

lay out the blankets

forcing my eyes

upon his sharp trinkets

misery flows

and the man he will go

and soon i remember

i'll never

cure

cure

[nabsfads]

wallow, wallow, call for sleep

the deadly night beneath my feet

the rolling stones, down hills so steep

end up on your front door

calling, calling, yearn too deep

pearls ive searched for infinitely

grasped in my hand, the obsolete

end up on your front door

missing, missing, my fingertips

holding onto dreams i keep

to hurt another seems too bleak

ended up on your front door

raining, raining, pools of meat

came to you branded complete

picked up my loose screws from the floor

end up on your front door

wallow, wallow, call to leap

never lose the need to meet

im getting stuck in way to deep

end up on your front door

messes, messes, woes and weep

apologies never quite fit

came to you branded complete

end up on your front door

[nabsfads]

i filled this house with love,

and yet it still feels empty.

bodies with no face -

memories slipping away;

laughters lost in my mind,

pitched higher, and much happier,

i gave them all my all,

and back to nothing i return.

but i cannot say anything,

or he calls me crazy,

so silent i stay,

as silent as our meals.

i filled this house with love,

must i give some more?

my biggest dream as a child,

what do i tell her now?

[nabsfads]

you'll never watch chuck

and i'll never watch You

you'll forget me, hopefully

and i'll carry it for you

in passing L-plated cars

and steady hopes of dreams

my guilt strikes sleeping stars

i'll forget you, hopefully

[nabsfads]

i want to talk to him

and i will wait for the sun

as it rises im still awake

i want to talk to him

he moves quick

and my heart is falling

but i don't want to lose

what ive lost before

he cannot love me

when i am angry

and i still try

when he is

so i apologise

he says it's cute

i blush and wait

i want to talk to him

[nabsfads]

when i no longer remember,

and call out for mama,

when you cant bring her to me,

bring me to her.

[nabsfads]

the light chases the dark

like the dog chases a man

the wind chases an end

like im forced to play pretend

i know how this will end

i know how they all do

crash my hopes upon land

i know you feel it too

they see it clearly

much more than i can

how i cannot lay my love

how i always retract my hand

i do not ask for you to pull

for who am i but just a being

but please lay out your hand

and my love wont be exempt

[nabsfads]

this is the only heart

i can give to you.

you say its half-hearted,

but it's all i got.

so take it all.

and leave in the morning

before the other half

finds its way back to me.

i always heal halfway.

it's all i can afford

before i show off

what i can provide.

and when you come back

empty-handed yet again,

the other half will have returned.

i'll give him to you.

[nabsfads]

broken winged bird,

slanted beaked widow,

your baby calls for you

like shadows in the light.

your eyes grey out.

tainted feathers on each

fighting spirit of a hope -

you have no choice.

[nabsfads]

while they sleep;

or they try to,

they only close the eyes

they have left.

you crush their dreams,

you crush their hands,

you crush their homes,

you crash THEIR lands,

and still shut your eyes.

and still you act blind.

and still hide your hands.

and start to wonder,

if their skin was lighter,

if their eyes were blue,

if their hair was blonder,

would you still see through

their disfigured faces?

and bloodcurdling screams?

would you shut your ears,

to keep chasing the glint?

[nabsfads]

i always scream in my dreams

for i am to be silent before

my eyelids rest

so they dont think ive lost

but im letting them win

and im letting them spread

and im letting them circle

like sharks in bloody water

if it's to keep peace

whos peace am i keeping

for they haunt in my dreams

i'll always scream in my dreams