n4h354

[n4h354]

I wonder what the gods will wrench out of me, tonight.

Tonight, I am half-mad and half stricken with inspiration.

Something roils in my stomach, a churning, retching, a spider stretching. 

What hides in the spaces between my organs? 

Like a python, something hisses in my ear, and like a python it swallows my heart whole.

A strange animal crawls between my spleen and liver—collecting, collecting, collecting.

What happens when the humours are pooled and distilled?

What becomes scum and why is it red? 

Why are the vapours violet-blue and why do they never coalesce?

A crane and I, we share an eye, and now we finally see:

Once again, I am becoming ink.

I wonder what the gods will wrench out of me, tonight.

[n4h354]

I can't sleep and it's been a while since I drew anything so here

[n4h354]

ONE YEAR SOBER BITCHESSSSSS

so I wrote a thing. here it is in all its first draft-y glory. IT'S ONE YEAR TODAY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Oh, the weight, the weight, the weight of a phantom hand The deadened, reddened, leadened spill of a damaged gland The stinging, ringing, roaring gash of a reprimand A gnawing, clawing ache I do not understand

The silent, slithering, withering snare of a demented prayer Balsam simmering, glimmering, shimmering in a thread of pink hair Dazed and amazed, I am become half-crazed now that I know you are not there Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, ruined machine, unbroken, unclean, as is only fair

Hour for hour, word for word, I have missed you every month on the twenty third I would cup you in my hands, I would swallow you whole, it was you that I dreamt of, my dreams were absurd Hollowed vows on hallowed land, I stand now where all edges are blurred A quenching, a wrenching, a rotten avenging, a stilling, a killing and a coiled snake stirred

A slimy stain, a greed in the vein, a filthy curse, a filthier thirst A decadent rain, I am driven insane, I refrain in vain, I scream and again I am submersed Jumbled and tangled, mangled, strangled, it was I the undid, it was I who uncursed It was I, still maddened, still searching, lurching; who am I now when the damage is reversed? 

[n4h354]

some say the world will end in fire

some say in ice

but if there’s ancient land to acquire

bombs will do and siege suffice

[n4h354]

dodge like mentally unwell girlies dodging questions after their wellbeing and general state of mind

Wowza this was a difficult prompt for me. I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and attempt something comic book-y. I enjoyed it, it was my first time composing panels. It’s a lot of work, it’s basically storyboarding, isn’t it? BUT! I attempted it, and I am happy I did. I’ll probably revisit this sometime in future. I’ve been wanting to create a comic book, it’s something that’s been on my mind for the good part of a decade. ANYWAY! All this typity typity nonsense is to gloss over the fact that I am not happy with this work. But it is my work. And I am proud of myself for not skipping a day. ONWARD TO THE NEXT CHALLENGE :D

[n4h354]

path. trail. line. lane. trace. path.

[n4h354]

v1:

v2:

Leda and the Swan, tapestry by Arachne

woo! day 2! I hate both, BUT! I am going to revisit these sometime soon because although I do love the concept, I have executed these horribly. HORRIBLY. but we ball :D

[n4h354]

dream. drown. poppy.

[n4h354]

All the Arabic I know, you taught me Even now When someone says say something in Arabic As if I were some performing animal, a circus bear or dancing monkey, My first thought is wen Nūrw Where is Nūr Where is Nūr Where is Nūr My first words in Arabic, your mother tongue, were to look for you, wonder where you are I still wonder where you are Over twelve years later wen Nūrw

(i'd removed this post from this blog some time ago but i find myself reminded of home and must pay tribute)

[n4h354]

part 2

unblocking, unstalking, unchaining, unlocking

mocking, interlocking, balking

sleepwalking

straining against ripped fishnet stockings

stopping, stopping, stopping

gawking

fast-talking, trash talking

deadlocking

stalking stalking stalking

unceremoniously dedocking

[n4h354]

2 month situationships be like

slaking, taking, unforsaking

quaking

aching

breaking

[n4h354]

I thought I might as well start at the beginning. I believe this was the first poem I wrote. Enjoy!

What is that feeling?

Can you describe it to me?

Is it like walking through a park at night

With cozy streetlights?

Mysterious, but comforting

Charming and familiar

With an alluring invitation for romance

How deep is it?

How intense?

Is it like being carried away

By a massive wave?

Or like being pushed onto shore?

Finally able to breathe

And why don’t I know?

Where has it been?

Did it come and go without me knowing?

Or is it always there, has it always been?

Am I simultaneously running from it as I search?

Is it also seeking me?

I’m out of analogies

Because its qualities elude me

I just really want to know

Where did that feeling go?

[n4h354]

oh would you read one of mine? i've been wanting to listen to someone else's rendition of a particular work of mine, i'll share if you're game (:

either way, i'd love to hear you read something aloud :D

I've been kind of in love with spoken word poetry lately and really want to do some. Do you all have a favorite poem of mine you would want to hear?

[n4h354]

Every now and then

I wake up next to you in my bed

You’re almost bald, now

Where are your eyes?

Where are your eyes?

[n4h354]

why i shouldn’t date : part iii

You came to me on a winter’s day

On a winter’s day you left

I was chasing nostalgia and you

arrived when the sun had set

I had a hat and it was red

No, A dark sort of maroon

I brought a teapot, and teacups, too

But I had forgotten the spoons

You had a sachet of tea

And I had tepid water

The tea sucked ass, I complained too loud

Ugh, I am my father’s daughter

You left too soon and told me

To see a shrink and then go home

Pretentious bitch that I am,

And smitten, I gave you a draconic tome

No, that came later, but when we first met

I gave you a Chewbacca plushie

I asked you to meet me in cobra-land

In a dark and smelly old alley

You later said if you hadn’t known me

You’d never have agreed to a second date

Wtf? That was a date?

Girl, pls recalibrate

I thought we were just getting chai

It tasted like piss, but you looked so fine

With beads in your beard, sweaty from the gym

did you know my car seats recline?

[n4h354]

why i shouldn’t date : part ii

It was 2011, and I Freshly In Love with urban photography

Everything was beautiful to my eyes, still unacclimated to the geography

Blurry trains, graffiti, telephone wires, and everything in black and white

I was an insufferable twit, a manic pixie delight

I lay flat on my stomach on a sidewalk to capture a crumbling wall

When I was distracted by light reflecting off a shiny metallic ball

I got up, dusted the city off my dress, and walked closer to the offending sphere

I stopped in my tracks when I realised what it was, and mumbled “Who put this coconut here?”

Someone had spray painted a coconut a bright and shiny silver

Not one of those hairy brown things, this coconut was green and tender

So I’m looking at this coconut perched atop a metal railing

Or grate, or gate, it was somewhat ornate, there was a lot of floral detailing

It’s alone and orphaned and so far from home so I had to take it with me

I decided it would be a gift to a handsome boy and maybe persuade him to love me

Listen, I know, I was nineteen, misguided and ill-advised

But he did end up falling in love with me. I know: I, too, am surprised.

[n4h354]

why i shouldn't date : part i

We met on a poorly designed and yellow-themed dating app

We talked about past heartbreaks, and he told me he loved British rap

He told me he was on antibiotics, but we could still fool around

I wondered about std statistics, and why everyone acted a clown

Cloak your staff, sheathe your sword, wrap your sausage, you know the drill

Honestly, what with all the infections abounding, if everyone’s fucking, why the lack of skill?

But I digress, this is a story of the time in my life when I’d make every man i met woof

For real, for real, for real and forsooth, so many men barked and I had proof. Goof.

So, anyway, he’d sent me over six minutes of him barking like a jackson terrier

And I thought, yeah, ok, let’s meet over coffee, I’d like access to that derriere 

I’m kinda sorta an exhibitionist, would you let me tear your clothes off at the cafe?

He said, “Yes, god, that sounds so hot, what colour do I wear?” He picked orange, to my dismay.

So now we’re at a little coffee house, I’ve got my espresso before me

It’s a little burnt, but never mind that, I was feeling rather frisky

I ran my hand along his leg, I watched his eyelids flutter

I dipped a finger into his waistband, and then he began to stutter

But when I started unbuttoning his pants, “This is a restaurant! This cannot be legal!” he lamented

“Like I care”, I said, annoyed. “I thought I was clear I’d be doing literally this, and you had definitely consented.”

Apparently, he thought it was a figure of speech

I tend to be honest, I try to be clear, but goddamn mans could reach

Anyway, I went back home, my mission rendered uncompleted

I wanted to check in on him, but alas, his profile had been deleted