n3v3r-say-die

[n3v3r-say-die]

I’m in one of those burn the world moods. The little movies in my head just aren’t coming to real life. My energy is low and I just want to set fire to the rain. Idk what that really means Adele ma’am. But in my head it looks like chaos but in a feels so good to make everything else as miserable as I feel kind of way. This is how villains are made isn’t it? Fuck it all man. Fuck it all. I hope and part of me knows I’ll wake up here soon. I’ll see that setting fire to the rain could also be me saying fuck you I’m the shit. Fuck your rain, I can still rise above that weak shit. But even Bruce Wayne has to be reminded why he falls. Drink water. Breathe. Sink. Repeat.

[n3v3r-say-die]

Struggles of being androgynous.

Today I bought two outfits for a shindig. One a bit female and one a bit manly. You know just in case I’m a bit more female that day or a bit more manly that day.

Advice for future me. Wear the biker boots man.

[n3v3r-say-die]

June 24

Idea!! A hotline. Or app. Or both. All the above platforms. A movie buff’s calling in life. Some kind of questionnaire or quiz or interview to take. Within 5-10 minutes 2-3 movie recommendations are given. If they don’t like those recommendations, either follow up questions or a more general genre reel.

**you, whoever you are, you can take this idea from me if you will actually do it. I will not actually do it. I’m an idea generator with a very specific realm where my motivation goes. So. Go ahead man. Make millions. Just put a bumble bee somewhere in the business as a salute to me. Namaste 🙏.

[n3v3r-say-die]

June 24

I started personal training a few people. Been pretty rad. Helping people again. Getting them feeling better and accomplishing dreams they have fleeting through their head.

I’ve also been house and dog sitting. Fuck me this dog is crazyyy. I love her though. She’s like a little niece that I let be crazy, try to encourage the crazy even but man I can’t wait till I can leave the crazy lol in a cartoon she’d be portrayed as like an anime looking cloak with legs. She’s like a ink blog that runs from place to place with quick little steps. Hyper active for sure with a vigilante persona. Shelby and her got along. It’s was pretty cute honestly.

I’ve been really into the stars again lately. I feel like I’m coasting on a nice mellow wave currently but the tide is soon changing. Like a big wave is going to pop up soon I know it. I don’t think it’s a scary wave per say. Just a change. It feels good though. Like a growing change. Not a spike down in your face fuck you change. We shall see though.

In the meantime treat yourself bruh. You worked hard. Buy those overalls. You know you’ll wear the shit out of them. Namaste 🙏

[n3v3r-say-die]

June 9

Episode 2

Welp. I applied to some jobs yesterday. It’s exciting. Mostly. Nervous a bit but mostly positive nerves. Little tough to decide how to word my resume. Had some good advice though and welp hold tight through it right? Anyway we’ll see. One way or another there will be a job soon. Good job. Sure it took maybe a bit longer than we maybe had expected of ourself. But shit happens. You held tight and eventually started to see that sunlight peek through. Sure some of your people helped clear some clouds but in the end you had to keep holding and you had to dare to open your eyes. Don’t take your success away just because someone helped you. And remember it’s not over. The show must go on.

Speaking of movies. That coffee date was pretty freakin cuuuuuute. 🤭☺️😅 but really. She opened up last night. Turns out she likes the deep shit. So she says at least. (Don’t be a turdass. She said it and we believe in truth. ✊😠) anyway since she opened up I kinda see a new her? But more like the next layer. I see more of her if that makes sense. So at coffee her stories had more color to them. I could feel the characters feelings in the dramatic music in the background. Cue orchestra of choice. During the crazier scenes the pitch went higher. The speed got quicker. Then a new scene would appear and a new orchestra strolls in. It was neat. To see more of the story because I’m starting to understand how she feels and operates in this weird world. I almost see a movie in my head right. More layers to the movie that is our life is coming into play. The visuals are getting better graphics. The sound is getting clearer and more detailed. What’s next yuh know? Idk. It’s neat. A good time 😌. Sincerely.

Now. MindMovieMeditation over. (Maybe that’s what I’ll call this fun movie writing making shindig 🤷‍♀️. I need to call it sommmmething other than tumblr blogging. No offense tumblr). We got a box to get prepared for and cleaned out 🤭😏😂. Inside joke 😂😂😂 your mom.

Peace till next time 🤙 ✌️

[n3v3r-say-die]

Going to do a thing. A little pen pal to myself so to speak. In reality it’s the meat and potatoes for that cartoon I want to produce. Cheers to talking to myself everyday through the good ol tummmbbblrrr 🍻

June 5, 2021

Episode 1

Dear Me,

Today I’m nervous for us. But. Kinda in a good way? I’m excited to have this giddiness again. I’m excited when I sit and think about life. Closely after, an emotion of fear mixed with dread mixed with sadness is upon me instead. If I had to describe it differently, a dragon, that’s probably like scary purple blue with red highlights to make it scarier. Always has a lurking face on. Shoots laser beams out his eyes......(pause for dramatic effect). Doesn’t want to hurt a fly but is forced into this line of work. I know(pause for the love of drama). Legit. Anyway. It’s short lived so far. We’re able to tell the dragon he doesn’t have to do this. We explain to the beast that he can be what he wants to be. He can direct his own movie. Boom now you have a precious dragon as a pet. Like Danareus from Game of Thrones. You lady catcher you. Go us. The dragon is starting to take a longer time to see he can make his own movie though. Doesn’t trust Me (thanks Glennon. Me is my code for God basically. Because God is that deeper guide that’s in us. And I want that to be separate from the term “God”. Maybe tomorrow I’ll call Me, Frederick. Fred for short). I think we are losing trust because a lot of our excitement is coming from a girl. Or so it’s perceived that way. I have a theory though. And I want to tell you it in case it can help. What if it’s not her that’s doing it? What if it’s the deeper present feeling there is when I’m with her? She makes me feel like Me. It’s easier to connect with Me when I’m near her. I think the mistrust in myself comes from me being scared I’ll lose that feeling. But maybe less as in I’ll lose her? and more I feel fantastic and I want to always feel this way. Or at least strive for that. Then there’s the calm. During that period when I’m alone and in my thoughts and see that I don’t have a job, that I live with my parents, that I’m not this, not that, that’s when the insecurities hiiiiiitttt. Crash. Boom. What are you doing with life? Thinking about her reels me back in? (Tentatively eyes squinting in pounder, go ahead go back and read it correctly). So. Now back to the rethink. Idk if it’s her that reels me in. The tragic romantic in me wants her to be the reason. Probably from our libra moon. I think it’s the fact I was being Me. It’s beautiful to be One. And let’s be real we are a big mush and love beauty in everything. Keep striving to be One. It’ll be rough at times. I’d assume some people won’t approve of it. Is it worth caring about that approval? We got this homie. Be water. Be One.

Breaking news comes up on the screen. Beautiful, flawless drag queens come in. Something along the lines of “Honey, we got some news for you. 26 yr old woman becomes woke. She’s doing fiiiiiiine, my sexies and here at Channel Fantabulous News we will continue coverage on this strong woman’s progress. Tuuuune in my loves 💋 “

Tv goes to next broadcast. Sports.

Thanks Glennon 🙏

[n3v3r-say-die]

You have to start noticing things. The direction of the rays of sunshine, how it touches and warms your skin; the sway of a leaf in a mild breeze; the simple beauty of the flowers; the strong smell of your morning coffee; the wind in your hair and on your face; the liveliness of the city; the calm of your soul. You have to start noticing this and start living for it.

[n3v3r-say-die]

To feel safe around someone’s energy is a different kind of intimacy.

[n3v3r-say-die]

Spooning that turns into fingering that turns into sex pls thank u

[n3v3r-say-die]

[n3v3r-say-die]

Source :  dreamy_moons

[n3v3r-say-die]

[n3v3r-say-die]

[n3v3r-say-die]

[n3v3r-say-die]

[n3v3r-say-die]

[n3v3r-say-die]