mysticalcloudlampshoe - Tumblr blog

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I recently had a flash back and thought "why don't you post the story" so here we are

I was 16 at the time still living with my parents and older sister (all abusive in some way). I was in the kitchen and walkes back to my room to see my sister looking through my draws. I immediately asked her what she was doing, startling her because she didn't know I was their. She turnes, walked to me and hands me my computer bag (which I didn't know she took) and told me I was a manipulative bitch and that she was going to tell my parents about what she found.

She walked away and I started panicking, I don't know how she figured out passwords (it was a compleat secret). So I looked at the search history on my computer to see she had in fact loged in and had been using it for about 3 hours. I was really scared because I had no way of checking if she had clicked on my "study material" bookmark (which was a doc with the links to a bunch of gay porn, and some of my own, not posted because i was still a minor) since i had a program that instantly deleted all history of the doc.

I thought she did because of what she said and prepared everything I would need to immediately flee the house. ( they were super homophobic and told me multiple times thay would kill me if they found out I was gay). Sent my friends text about what happened incase I needed their help. About 5 hours later, when both of my were home, she told them. My mom came to my room and told me to get in the living room now. I was shaking in my knees, got up walked to the living room to see my sister smile at me and my dad's furious face. He walked over to me and smacked me so hard i stumbled over and hit the wall. (It's probably good to note that he was a 256 pound 6' buff man and i was a 5'6 145 pound shrimp).

I thought he was going to kill me right their, he raised his had and shoved his pointer finger to my neck. "I taught you better than to like a faggot". I was terrified because that confermed my belief that she found the links. My dad then said "*sisters name* told us about the book". I then realized, the thing she told them, was that I was reading a story online with a queer (bisexual) main character (it was a man x woman but my sister saw the bisexual tag. no smut just fluff). Not that she found gay porn on my computer. I was grounded, they put parental controls on the laptop (that I paid for in full) so that I couldn't read anything from Ao3 again.

I think of this story a lot because it really shows the fear and Anxiety that people can get from abuse. Even if it isn't a situation like this, fear can still over come people for the smallest reasons. I think that's a good thing to know

BTW this was years ago, I laughed at it sometimes, younger me deserved so much better but he also did some dumb stuff because of anxiety. I remembered this when my boyfriend asked me if I has ever heard of Ao3 before, it caused me to have a panic attack becauseit remindedme of this story. He didn't know why but he didn't have to, he is the love of my life because no matter what it is he only cared about helping me.

This is all going to say that you can get trama from almost anything, because abuse can happen to anybody, anytime, in many different ways.

Learning to love myself again after leaving my family was one of the hardest things I had ever done. But I'm happy now, and it hurts my heart to know that a lot of people don't have that support because people don't understand what abuse can do to someone.

I love you all, goodmorning / goodnight little gummybears

[mysticalcloudlampshoe]

Hannibal + Textposts 10

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Dean Winchester + Wounded Face

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[x]

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What is 2020?

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oh it hurts so bad

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~ happy valentine’s day ~

↳ here'a reminder that jensen made misha a card that said “happy valentine’s day, love yourself first” 💗 also lets never forget the iconic jensen line "that's an awful thing to say infront of my valentine"

BONUS

the camera really made jensen go...

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