myponderingstate

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The way my emotions welled up when I heard Kim Soo Hyun's vocals during that BaekHong final scene!! It really is one of the best. The title being "Way Home" encapsulates their love and I'm in love with it.

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After everything that transpired and preview of the finale, Hyunwoo and Hae-in should have another wedding ceremony!! Like, seriously.

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Queen Of Tears so far

my insights

I was, rather, hesitant to watch this series when it came out. I was not prepared for a melodrama, I didn't read the tags, just basing on the title. Then I saw some random clips and it seemed fun. So, I waited until 6 eps were released. Then, I zoomed through ep5. I was invested, really invested. Everything from the cast, cinematography, writing, the bgm and most especially, by the leads. I was beaming at their reconciliation. I said to myself, I'm okay with it. I'm happy with that.

I waited for today's ep before watching ep6 for safety measure. Thinking that it might crash then it did. I cannot.

So, I braced myself before diving into ep7. I, almost, didn't want to watch. I've been an emotional mess in every single episode. It's not healthy anymore.

Like the previous eps, this was a rollercoaster of emotions. The comic reliefs were such a breather and I've been looking forward to the epilogues— Hyunwoo & Hae-in's unfiltered happiness and expression of love. I thoroughly enjoy watching those.

I'm anticipating to watch the upcoming episodes but it's becoming difficult. It is beautiful but it's, also, just as painful.

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I worry and overthink a lot. This has been constant trait looking back throughout the years. Something I have had been working on.

I came to realize that what scares me is that I'm not skilled enough. I wasn't able to meet the expectation set on me.

🍃 3:58 | 012223

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Today was challenging. Going over everything that transpired today, I NEED to improve. I have to learn and I have to learn, FAST!

🍃 21:54 | 011623

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There's a ton of thoughts going to and fro my mind as of the moment. The main bulk is an internal conflict whether to journal online or pen it on paper.

🍃21:54-22:03 | 011523

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🍃❄️ our beloved summer 🌤️🌸

my watching experience

Should you watch it? ABSOLUTELY!

This was given a romcom genre and I ought to believe it. Given the trailers, promotional shoots and it's general atmosphere. I can't say that the production lied but you'll be in for a ride, a breathtaking one. A true definition of push and pull and a rollercoaster of emotions. It has depths that can really resonate and tug at your heartstrings. Each of the characters have something either you can have in common or disagree with. There's something to learn and to view in a different perspective.

This easily became my fave kdrama. I love it to bits and it also has one of the best ost line-up. I listened to the entire playlist on repeat, multiple times. Hence, the release of a whole track felt as if I'm receiving a present I looked forward too. The anticipation of each is worthwhile.

This has been the first drama I patiently and eagerly kept track from its release date, penultimate until its final episode. That for the first four weeks of it's airing, I can't bring myself to watch other dramas in between. I was so focused on this and just kept on rewatching my favorite parts. I scoured all related stuff. Refreshing Tumblr and YouTube every once in a while to see if there are updates or reviews or just anything new affiliated to the show or casts.

During the tough parts, I resort to watching all behind the scenes and interviews. It didn't help that I was more inclined for Wooshik and Dami, rather than Woong and Yeonsoo, to get together whenever I see those. They, and I won't believe otherwise, are the co/assistant directors for this show. Their cooperative collaboration is top-tier, it transpired to how I see their characters. I, for the most part, forget that they're acting because of how comfortably natural they look. You'll really fall in love with them.

Also, Wooshik and Dami posting in their Instagram feed or stories every Mondays and Tuesdays. I can't leave out Wooshik hyping every upcoming episode and Dami posting a photo of them together after such heart aching scene. It was so precious.

This was such a beautifully written script and a well executed story. I can't help but give the casts and the whole production team a big round of applause.

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episode sixteen: our beloved summer

I couldn't ask for more. It was the best. It was honestly so satisfying from the start until it's conclusion.

How, at some points, we are the ones who dim our lives whether subconsciously or not but a change of perspective can open possibilities we haven't really taken into consideration because of how immersed we are in how we are currently living our lives.

Personally, in Yeonsoo's last “What If,” I thought she'll inquire “What if we get married?” or during the time Woong was doodling, I thought he'll ask the question then and there or he was probably scribbling the words in the book. But that pause and blackout followed by THE question and music is everything. WOW!! That proposal is so beautifully done. The way it was executed seemed like a page in a book. Well, this definitely is a story one for the books. I guess, I'll incessantly gush about it.

And oh, the spontaneous narration of Yeonsoo and Woong, I find it so adorable. That it wasn't a one-sided narrative anymore but a continuous story.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean to be trapped nor to be held back but to be allowed to have the space to grow and bloom.

Also, I was slow in picking up that Yeonsoo is the first person that Woong drew. How could I possibly not catch that. I was stupefied in the fact that it was love at first sight for Woong. Anywho, I'm so excited for the movie. Looking forward to seeing them, again. Cause this ending felt like a beginning. A fresh new start and that's one of the many reasons I fell in love with this drama.

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A round of applause and throws confetti.

Woong and Yeonsoo got married!!

My loves, I'm so happy!!

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episode fifteen: three idiots

Honestly, when I haphazardly saw the preview for this episode, mind you, I was only until the necklace part. I, honestly, thought Woong is proposing to Yeonsoo via the necklace. A ring as a pendant but any who. I'll take it. May it be a proposal or a wedding for these two.

Today's episode expounded on emotional pains/burdens and our mental strength capacity. How it shapes and affects our decisions and how we cope depending from our experiences.

Those who comfort others when they themselves are breaking apart and those who can express their vulnerability and uncertainty takes so much courage. Both are admirable and having someone to go through life together is such a wonderful blessing.

p.s. There's a film called “3 idiots” by Aamir Khan. It's about school/college life. I highly recommend.

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episode fouteen: life is beautiful

Before anything else, can I have my own Choi Woong? Wow! When you thought that you can't possibly love someone so much, he'll give you a lot more reasons to fall in love with him all over again. Ahhh, swoon.

Amongst everything I've watched, I was able to relate to this episode in such a deep, personal level. They made me cry, a lot. That my thoughts from here on is so intimate to me that I had reservations whether to share it but bare with me that this may sound all over the place. I'll start with the light ones.

Woong giving money to his dad to buy the fishing rod he's been wanting to was so endearing as his dad was speechless and clearly touched by the gesture. Making you want to have a lot of those moments with your parents. Having those memories are so much fun and heartwarming to look back to.

Eun-ho's honest assessment of Woong was so adorable. The way he hypes him up with few childish remarks. Hearing the hard truth from people you trust just hits different, it can give a pleasant boost or a bitter aftertaste but you know that they only want what's best for you.

Sol-i wavering to her lingering feelings for her ex because of Eun-ho's statement, cleared-up the haze in her heart. Having someone sweep you of your feet and be shown genuine love and interest really warms the heart.

Each character has their own inferiority complex but as Yeonsoo's was expounded and I've talked about before, it was palpably raw. The wanting to give but not having the capacity to makes one vulnerable and sensitive. That overtime, walls to guard yourself started to be built.

Also, Yeonsoo not relying to Woong as I see it is not because she doesn't want to but because she doesn't know how. She didn't have anyone growing up to share her burdens with and that felt normal to her. An autopilot response. At an early age, she was tinkered to be strong and conceal her feelings. That the moment she bares herself to Woong took a lot of courage, willpower and a hope to somehow be understood. As well as inviting and being present with her collegues was such a big step for her. That when you open-up, you'll realize that there are people that accepts and appreciates you for you.

Woong's current situation and life seems to revolve around Yeonsoo which can be taxing for him and the relationship in the long run as it was in the past. Him, wanting to continue studying this time by his own choice, is a step towards them being interdependent of each other. He'll have something that is in some way his. Though technically it still contains Yeonsoo but you get it? Something wholly his but he still has a lot to offer. Basically, what I'm trying to say is not losing yourself in the midst of loving someone. You grow and be better, together. A relationship is a partnership that mutually benefits each other. Goodness! Romantic relationships are hard.

The glimpse of Woong's biological dad and a probable confrontation in the future that can change his perception of himself and to finally accept that he is very much deserving of love. A privilege not everyone can experience.

Jiwoong's mom showing up requesting to be filmed for that reason is not what came to mind. I thought she just wants to spend time with him, some quality time. To get to know each other. It could be those but in a rather painful kind of way. As she doesn't know anything about him, she just dropped the news the way she knows. She doesn't know that he's hurting as much as she is.

Yeonsoo learning about her grandma's health condition has crumbled all of her. Her grandma has been her reason for living. She's the only family she has.

Being in the receiving position of a sudden shattering news on someone you love, unnerves and paralyzes anyone. The imminent wanting to shower them with overflowing affection, material things, support and anything you could possibly give and cannot just comes so naturally as it is both a plea and a bargain to hold on to the hope that they won't leave you behind. You pray to God harder than you've ever prayed before. As you don't really know how to live life without them. Especially on dealing with all the regrets that comes with and after it. And when you can't handle it, let God take it and know that He's always loving and taking care of you.

In regards to this episodes title, in the face of loss we get to appreciate life a lot more. We don't take any moment for granted and do the extra effort to make the most mundane of experience to be beautiful. Memorable. Beautifully engraved in our minds and hearts.

The reveal of the talk between grandma and Woong felt like the parents/guardians handling over their daughter to her beloved halfway in the aisle during a wedding, to be loved, cared for and treated like a queen as they are giving their precious princess. As the couple walk the rest of the aisle towards the altar together, it signifies that they'll be responsible for each other moving forward. Atleast for me, it meant that way.

As for ep. 15 preview:

Leaving Yeonsoo in her lowest time is something Woong will never do. He loves her too much to hurt her. Yeonsoo being the reason for Woong's regret in not achieving his dreams is something Yeonsoo will never be. She's always been his motivator and cheerleader to reach greater heights. I really look forward to how they will come up with a solution for this. A proposal, perhaps?

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episode thirteen: love actually

As Woong and Yeonsoo unapologetically display their affection, I'm very much all for it but it didn't deter my second hand embarrassment in their awkwardness as Yeonsoo tries new approaches and the strong reactions from their family, friends and colleagues as they straightforwardly express their love.

The amount of times, I've squirmed and laughed but still find them so adorable seems so paradoxical but that's what this episode made me feel.

Hat's off to Woong for continuously assuring Yeonsoo that she's enough. That he likes every side of her. As cliche as that sounds, hearing it from Woong hits different. Perhaps, I'm so emotionally invested in them that I truly felt it when he said those words to Yeonsoo. It flowed so naturally and without him knowing the internal struggles Yeonsoo's battling with.

As for Eun-ho and Sol-i's dynamic. From the start, I kind off see them as a probable couple then the trip happened and they just seem to be the best of friends then here comes Sol-i's blind date incident and I was like, ohhhh, maybe, perhaps, they'll be together. They're cute too.

Jiwoong coming to terms with his feelings as he speaks with NJ seems to be the outlet that he needed. He can't express it as it is but having someone to talk to and/or relate to can somehow lift up the baggage. Whether the person whom you're talking to share the same sentiments or not.

NJ being honest with her feelings to Woong and accepting that she can't have her takes so much courage. I'm happy that they didn't make her a villain continuously clinging to Woong though she had a condition. It just shows that we grow-up and own up to our own emotions and it's repercusions.

p.s. In the beginning of the lockdowns, my sibs and I watched "Us and Them" that Wooshik posted in his IG story. If this episode: Love Actually is based on the movie, to be completely honest I don't think I've fully grasp the movie, but my take away from that is we can't always have the love we thought we always had.

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episode twelve: begin again

It took me some time to gather my thoughts aside from my love for them.

Heartwarmingly fuzzy sums up my feelings for this episode. It was so inclusive of everyone.

From Woong and his mom's mutual consideration of going to the countryside as a family. Sol-i and grandma respecting Yeonsoo's choice to whoever she's happy with. Woong and Jiwoong being the brothers they are. Chaeran subtly expressing her feeling. Jiwoong and NJ accepting the result of their one-sided love and of course, to our OTP's— Woong and Yeonsoo's, restart.

You could gradually feel the healing of their own wounds and the crumbling of their towering walls.

I would like to address Jiwoong opening-up to NJ. To be fair, I'm not a fan of love triangles or any other geometrical shape that describes a competition for someone's love. Through this talk, he was able to be in-tune with his feelings and assess what is more valuable to him.

Confronting our own emotions is tough. Especially when it's new or something we haven't handled before or wasn't taught how. We ought to acknowledge it before we can take the necessary action. Hence, not coerced but willingly.

As for Woong and Yeonsoo, every moment of them together just feels like home. Cozy, comforting, serene. As Yeonsoo said it took a while but witnessing it, it's worth the wait. They're a lot more carefree, spontaneous and just naturally sweet. They make such a lovely couple in the very essence of the word.

The gallery scene, wow! That gallery scene was utterly-magical. The portrayal of how time just stops in the epiphany of loving the same person over and over again throughout the rest of your life. When the very reason for everything you've done was in the presence of all the pieces you've drawn in the very moment in time you're making it was pure perfection.

And how could I forget the couch scene. As much as I squeal, blush and melt for these two. I almost jumped out of bed and had the need to restrain my scream because I was watching it in the middle of the night. I was totally not expecting that but the undertone of the whole episode felt like a vow, as some pointed out, of them loving each other for a lifetime so, perhaps.

p.s. I've been watching this episode on repeat.

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I had in mind to pen down my thoughts regarding episode 12 but it turned out to how I view the other characters. So here it is.

Woong's Parents

They're the type of parents any child would be so grateful for. They're supportive, goofy, caring, attentive and most importantly, loving. They don't meddle with anything but we'll be assured that whatever happens, they've got our back. Their personality is very much reflected on Woong.

Yeonsoo's Grandma

She gives off the tough love kind of vibe. With her strong tone and straightforwardness, we might be intimidated but we'll eventually feel her sweetness and how much she cares and loves us. Which Yeonsoo really takes after.

Perhaps, we happen to care, love and/or react the way we were shown. Though subjected to change as other factors can or might affect us.

Eun-ho and Sol-i

They're not just friends but family. They sometimes speak what we can't or in need to process. They accept us when no one seems to understand. They're silent when it needs to be but will fully support us in everything that makes us happy.

Chaeran

She just wants to be around and of help to the person she likes. A silent support. I guess, we've been like this to someone whether romantically or not.

NJ

She kind off personifies our daydream liking to celebrities but in reverse. As random, as far-fetched it is to our mundane life. As it is, we meet people that can mean so much to us or we'll mean so much to them or probably, just neutral. We don't really know who we'll take a liking to.

Jiwoong

He, in someway, downplayed his importance to the people around him aside from his colleagues. As he said, he's not the main character. He tried to be indifferent from any form of relationship to protect himself but those are the same ones that makes him feel. Whether pleasant or heartbreaking.

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Seeing them unabashedly show their love for each other amidst the initial awkwardness had me so giddy for them. It's so heartwarming and reassuring that they are each others safe space. I'm totally loving it.

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episode eleven

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers.

My sister watched this episode before I did and I asked her how was it? And she told me that it's painful.

So by the time I was watching it, you don't know how much I was bracing myself from the start for every scene that could possibly be another sob fest.

It was so lovely to see how Woong has been sort of planning for their future and wanting Yeonsoo's consent and approval. He doesn't just push what he wants but practices mutual-respect.

How the story unfolds on how Yeonsoo and Woong came to the point of being honest with their feelings was so subtle and impactful.

Taking into consideration remembering important dates from Yeonsoo's part and looking for Woong. Wherever he could be.

Thus, how everything came together from Woong's part. How Jjongjjong find it in herself to break out of her shell and not to be held back by past hurtful experiences. How grandma opened up about Yeonsoo's past actions that might have been tormenting him. And Woong coming to the realization that Yeonsoo has always been taking care of him.

So when Yeonsoo said along the lines of “I finally found you, Choi Woong,” I melted. Cause it always felt like Woong just wanted to be found. To be seen.

Yeonsoo being genuinely honest for not wanting to be friends felt like a cue for Woong to lay bare his vulnerable heart about missing her, about wanting her to continuously love him. And my heart goes to him a lot more because it seemed like he was begging for love, to be loved, always. Yeonsoo choosing him over and over again in a heartbeat is so heartwarming. This sit down, one-on-one, heart-to-heart talk, I don't have any words, but pure admiration.

This episode, as much as the previous ones, has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. But the amount of happiness I felt when they were giggling together in the epilogue was such a soft tickle on my heart. I was so giddy for them. Then, I cannot handle when Woong started talking about his past. The moment he cried, maaaan, I was bawling with him too. I appreciated that they were there for each other.

This was such a painfully beautiful episode. And I love that they're back together again.

[myponderingstate]

Don't ever hesitate. Reblog this. TUMBLR RULE. When you see it, REBLOG IT.

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