mypainismypassion-blog

[mypainismypassion-blog]

The Broken Road Part 4x

I have always wanted to meet Misha Collins. All the way back in 1999 he and Eminem started this weird trend of saving my life. But it wasn’t just these two celebrity crushes. But oh my God these two are my favorites. But I have had 24 major celebrity crushes. And these crushes are attached to men that I have actually had sex with. This is my sexual dysfunction. Which I always wanted to write a book with Misha’s wife Vicky. Because of this along with an addiction to Heroin, Cocaine, Molli, Benzos, and every other drug in the movie Fear In Loathing In Las Vegas. And for some reason they’re all attached to things, beings, movies, songs, actors, actresses, dreams, memories, people who passed away, people who still live on, and other important moments in my life. Like I wanted to be a Doctor but because of my drug history I don’t know if I ever could be one. But there is a school where I can get a Doctorate in Medical Marijuana. Which if I didn’t smoke Marijuana and stay (Endverse Castiel/Misha Collins). I’m convinced that I will die from a Heroin overdose. But due to the massive pain issues in my body. I know that I need to be on something other than Medical Marijuana. Due to that fact that I have P.C.O.S./Fibro/Multi Addiction History/Anxiety/Borderline Personality Disorder/Trans Spiciest/Etc. I can only seem to do these same 24 things over and over again. Like Misha Collins is connected to these 24 moments in my life. The day Rick Auffrey passed away. Me realizing that I should’ve married Ricky Amaro. Which seems to link up to the day Dennis Nickerson passed away. And he loved Mark Sheppard. Remembering that they link up with Eminem. And how this sets off my addiction spiral along side grief. Which makes me crave when Misha Collins played Casifer in Supernatural. How I remember 1999. And how I remember now. Is how going team Amara in Supernatural actually feels like. Like Ricky Amaro’s birthday is August 4th. And I feel like he and Richard Spaight would be besties. Because anything for Misha Collins and Rick Auffrey. I never told Dennis Nickerson this but the Lincoln that Misha had as Castiel was my dream. When I first saw Misha Collins in ER without his shirt on. And when I was cuddling with him I was taking back. And this was during the time when my dad was alive. When me and Dennis would fight he always said that I hated my father. But I loved my father so much that I turned into a perfect little copy. Because everything is a a daddy issue. And I have the perfect little daddy issue. Because I only seem to date men like my father, my sister's father, one of my mom's exes, my father in law to be, and who I wish that I could have children with. To lock her away you gave me the Mark. That’s why Amara was beating the shit out of Casifer. Because I have always had a crush on my babysitters. And when the apocalypse comes. Or rather what I view as that. But I have this odd habbit of being in presents of being I love when they pass away. Like I had this cat named after Gibbs. And for some reason the familiar or the person that is linked to the other falls. Like Eminem has this song that he mentioned April in it. Castiel lost his virginity to April in the show. I had a pet turtle named April. And up until Dennis died I only told like seven other people. That if I was going to hook up with any of the Ninja Turtles it would be Donatello. That’s why when Misha says look one of Dad’s favorites. Like Misha is friends with Shatner. And me and Dennis named our dog Tiberius. I wanted to name him after Castiel. But Dennis was like not after the “Fucking Angel From Supernatural Again”. But my first car was with Dennis. And we had a Lincoln. But our buddy who always let us barrow his truck. But when this pattern links up right. Beautiful things slowly happen. But painful things happen in my soul. And I really love it. For example I only work in video stores, sex shops, hustle drugs in any form, do crafts like canning, macrame, crocheting, yard sales, design tattoo’s, go to church and pray for signs. But sometimes all I seem to do is nothing but cry. But I really am trying my best to be better. How I always seem to end up here. When I know that someone is going to pass away. Or that I’m going to get a cosmic band aid. And not a tiny band aid moment. Like I know why they Drink the beer on the show named Margie. But the fucked up thing is that is the name of my mom. And my mom’s first car was a Chevy Nova. And I really think that Misha Collins should get a Chevy Nova as his next car. Thinking that it should either be Maroon or a deep purple. If this weird feeling is right in my soul. I’m worried that I might die. But I trust these three to save my life no matter what. 4x is this pattern of numbers everything and people in my life the numbers mean something big in my life. I know more numbers link to people and events. Like these are birthdays and death days. But death could be realizing the classics are the tasty. You want to unlock if I am a tablet. 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 17 21 22 23 24 26 32 42 54 69 74 84 96 99 232 323 1221 2112 2442 4224