muppetstrider

[muppetstrider]

are you letting it crust

I realized while unpacking that I forgot several essentials. I also do not have a car or any form of transportation. Oh well! Only beta cucks need toilet paper anyhow

[muppetstrider]

i don’t need a face reveal from the muppet joker. i know exactly what he looks like in my minds eye

[muppetstrider]

face reveal when???

Now! I am looking at you through your bedroom window

[muppetstrider]

ok wait is kermit not rocking with pagans? wiccans? is bro not chill with other religions?

[muppetstrider]

drop the link my liege 🤲🏻

My liege,

There is someone on Spotify with a playlist claiming to have your canonically favourite songs and artists. Is this true? Shall I be using this as a sound track while reading your scripture?

I just looked it up on Spotify and got scared because of how accurate it is. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!

[muppetstrider]

My subordinates resent my leadership but I will show them. I am the most powerful man (or muppet) in this KFC. I will show them what fear means. I will show them all.

[muppetstrider]

At least you cooking means you get to choose what you want, right? You could be stuck eating whatever she chooses for ya

Well normally I come home from work and sit at the table with a napkin tucked into my little shirt with a fork and knife in my hand which I bang on the table until she brings me whichever meal I am requesting via shout at the top of my lungs. But today she just left me to scream and starve! Guess she hates Non Binary People.

[muppetstrider]

bro how much of an incel are you?

ZERO PERCENT. If I wanted bitches, I would have them! But the only bitches I desire are the bitches of the mind. I envision Kermit the Frog sucking on me in my mind palace, and that is enough.

[muppetstrider]

The priest I confessed my AI Porn Sin to was kind of a major idiot and did not seem to know what I was talking about. But he said God forgave me so maybe the Muppet Porn community on Tumblr can forgive me as well! Sorry again for touching AI with my wet, horny little fingers

[muppetstrider]

What if I just ate the muppet joker? What if I ate him out or just ate him?

[muppetstrider]

my liege, i must know. fuck, marry or kill this thing

Happily fuck (with the plushie's consent of course)! I was once strictly monogamous with my Kermit plushie, but he is dead and cremated, so I am open to other steamy plushie experiences! He looks well loved

[muppetstrider]

Have I been offline long enough to have earned forgiveness for my misdeeds or am I still cancelled?

[muppetstrider]

I am so deeply sorry to the Tumblr Community.

I had become desperate. My Kermit plushie was destroyed months ago, and I spent YEARS making love to that muppet's sweet hole every single day for hours. I have been driven mad with need and resorted to online outlets. For a while, I supported artists within the Muppet porn community. But it was not enough. I needed to watch the Muppet hole in 4k. I needed video. But there are not a hell of a lot of muppets in the porn industry... I must confess to watching AI generated Muppet Porn. As someone deeply against AI, I am filled with regret. As a Christian, I am mortified. I will be attending confession with a priest regarding this manner and taking some time offline until I feel right with God and with my people. I will make an effort to only watch hand drawn muppet porn from now on and stop supporting the use of AI. Thank you for your understanding as I work through this difficult time.

I am sorry to have let you down.

[muppetstrider]

Alpha kid

[muppetstrider]

I am constantly insulted on this platform

[muppetstrider]

H,i have you heard conspiracy that you're actually Strange Aeons doing a bit? What are your thoughts on this theory?

You will know The Truth at Dashcon 2.

[muppetstrider]

okay so, i have enough information for your rough birthchart... you're likely a capricorn sun, likely taurus moon (if you were born at like.... just past midnight you'd aries moon). it's cool that your mars (energy, drive, sex) is in pisces (spirituality, dissolving of boundaries, poetry). that sextiles (links in a beneficial way) your capricorn (dedication, longevity) mercury (communication, intellect). that's like hello, you're dedicated spiritually, sexually and mentally to muppet sex! and that your jupiter in cancer ALSO aspects both these placements. jupiter the sign of expansion and of good fortune is exalted in cancer, which means it loves being in the sign and performs it's job well. so this dedication to muppet sex with bring you good fortune and good fortune with give you muppet sex.

my guess (might be off base but hey ho) is that you are ruled by your pisces mars. so my guess would be either aries or scorpio rising, leaning towards scorpio for your joker rage. i think that puts your time of birth around 3 - 5 am. also i didn't know where to put it but the sign of pisces is the sign most associated with jesus christ lmao. feeding of da fish.

I am actually astounded that you accurately guessed my birth time. Astrology is real, but only on Tumblr