mrbarmecide

[mrbarmecide]

Genius

I am the graduator

The gladiator

The one who said Fuck a textbook

You need to pick up the one for a cook

And Take a look

I got the raw deal of a meal

The pork and the veal

Cookin out the hot pot in the kitchen

Fuck Free range

Put em in a Nicholas Cage

I'm Spitting bars like its prison

In this new day and age

it's all rage against the vending machine

A machine a computer

The Mind remover

It's a stain

What a pain

Drivin in the Lexus Luther

But Fuck superman

We need the next Dr Martin Luther

King jr

An Albert Einstein

A genius

And someone with who can pull a Steve Jobs maneuver

To do it to em

It's all about progress

Part and Bipartisan

Money drugs and sex

A Natural medicine

But there I go

I digress again

It's been two weeks

I'm Far into the weekend and then

The whole world's depressed again

I'm just looking for a warm body

To compress the breast again

Nevertheless what's lonelier than lesser than

what's the best outcome

For the next chapters debut double LP albumn

is it an amalgam of algorithms set to the rhythm blues

A series of code

Wipe your nose and tie your shoes

slaltt

Nazis and Jews

1942-3002

The events that conclude

Stuck together with glue

It's not about what you can do for me but I for you

That's what he said before his head got all misconstrued

JFK left dead

The suspect ran

fled

While his wife was on some Humpty Dumpty shit trying to put back all the pieces

Jesus piece

Freaks and geeks

Start lifting at the gym for a couple of days

Now you think you're the Chad of the week

Bitch please

Put on a shirt

Brush your hair

Comb your teeth

Sheesh

Practice what you preach

You're like a dog on a leash

Without a master to lead

Wild animal

fiend

You're just the new cancer

Bitch I'm a rare condition

Math niggas blind

Some how still how fuckin wit division

Eels and escalators

Smell the weed in the elevator

IOUs best kept like Halloween candy

Now and later

Savor the flavor of Prue bliss

Bask in it

Pretend it's fine wine

But It's actually piss

It ain't half bad

But it actually is

If you're so accurate

miss

You act like a bitch

Soap on the dish

Plate on the fish

Crinkle crinkle

crinkle knish

Potato knishes and little black squash balls

I fall you fall we fall together

When I die take my writings and put em in a tome

Bound with my human leather

If I can't afford it we'll go with a cheaper more affordable option

Pleather

Never the better

Oh how's the weather

In Wuhan

At the drop of a pawn

Was the fall of Saigon

The gong show

Throatfucked by some bong smoke

What a joke

Dosey doe

Revenge is serve cold

But at the end of the day

I'll just pop it in the microwave

And nuke it

And if it don't taste good I'm gonna speak to Ralph on the porcelain throne

And puke puke puke it

Duke nukem

Dookie booty

Hong Kong phooey

Judi dench

That guy over there on the bench is a good man

Whatah mench

Louis

Gucci

And then three box logos

Fetch me a pint of ale

Wench

[mrbarmecide]

The Jet Program

Negative Nancys will always laugh at the dreams you pursue

Tell em to kick rocks

And put em on suicide watch

They Got an opinions like glocks trying to give you a piece of their mind

I ain't got a minute to give em

Not the day or the time

Time of the day

Nope

Not on my watch

Especially not the one I don't got

Find a way to make it out my cage in this concrete jungle

Naked and afraid but still humble

roughed up and scythed

Still tryin to get pay

I gotta keep it pushing take it one step and a day at a time

Maybe make a living making sentences rhyme

That Would be fine but I'm trying to make it out east to Japan

And when that plane lands I'll have made it

Take a picture and date it

Who knows when it's next

I'll just roll with punches

Late night dinners and a couple of brunches

My hunch is

that'll stay true even when I punch in

Suit up or suit down

Mud on my shoes Brown

Do what I gotta do

Even with a tie and suit

What methods tested

Tried and true

Ride in the old whip

Never buying a coup

I got a vision

capsule hotels

and sippin Miso soup

Me and the team chilling on top of the roof

Going out to eat

copping a meal for the two

Look a girl in her eyes

Both thinking it's just me and you

A couple of kids and a house with a stoop

Living life in Japan

And watching anime too

[mrbarmecide]

Hello Kitty

Hello Kitty's cute but she can't suck dick

She can't say no and she can't say yes

She doesn't have a mouth

Not a word to speak

Not a grin on her face

So she can't bare teeth

Is she the strong silent type

Or is she helpless and weak?

Actions that speak louder than words

Are for the birds

But she ain't spoke in some weeks

Not important what she says

It's all about what she thinks

[mrbarmecide]

Lil shakespeare's pizza

Cut from a different cloth

never meant to be

Star crossed lovers

But mysteriously by means of a strange magic

We once again find each other in the same place

Only when pigs fly or cars can hover through space

Can this love be requited

An old flame always lit

And not once ever reignited

It's all a dream

Go back to bed

Love is never found

For it is mathematicaly decided

[mrbarmecide]

KOOL*AIDS

man! do i wanna be cool

but what is cool?

cool is...

rad

bad

radical

tubular

rightious

killer

dope

extreme

mean

clean

the dream

yes

cool is all of these things

cool falls under all catagories and names

but cool is always cool

the cool kids drink

so i started drinking

when i do i wake up hung over

i don't feel cool but sober enough to know i still hate myself

the cool kids smoke

so i became a pack every two days kinda guy

my lungs are blacker then licorice now

and thats not cool so i quit after 4 long years

the cool kids do drugs so i started snorting pills

and everyday since then i cant stop scratching my nose

the itch of addiction is always callin

the pills make me feel great

untill they don't

and then i start to hate myself all over again

as the weight of reality sets in

im all on my own again alone again (naturally)

i tried to be like the cool kids

but im not cool

im a fucked up freak and that's what cool will never be

only a blessed few can be cool

and those who are blessed with the title are invited into the club of cool with open arms

being cool means you are in the know

you know

cool is sex

cool is drugs

cool is everything from liquor to a lux lux

luxery supreme

if you posses the cool

everything in your wake will have been bent to your will

every want fullfilled

all problems heard

needs

all of it!

taken care of...

but only if you are cool

cool is the foil to who i am

cool is the attention i crave

but who am i?

ugly

what is ugly?

ugly is needy

unatractive

sad

alone

lonely

angery

perverse

messy

out of line

blunt

rough around the edges and then some

nagging

overbaring

jealous

empty

loveless

dark

bitter

hateful

beast like

gross

awful

sin incarnate

poison

fucked up

voyueristic

paraphilistic

deviant

call it what you will

but ugly is ugly and ugly is me

i wish i could be cool

but only can i ever be who i am

me

ugly ugly ugly

life is for the beautiful

for it is they the chosen cool

who are to be loved and adored

showered in praise

and most of all to be heard

those who are ugly are never heard nearly invisible

see thru

brushed aside and ignored

so i guess ill take my place here on the floor

and keep my nose to the grind stone

im no jesus to turn water to wine tho

it does seem like all i ever do is turn lime light into limestone

cuz turns out im not very bright

try and try as i might

i will never find my niche

even if my tastes are such

i want to be cool

but fuck it ill give up

its not like anyone cares

nope

im stupid

they don't give one single fuck

i want to be cool

so i could at least feel a touch

hold a sweet girls hand

or even ask for a hug

but the gods of cool know im too evil

they know that i want to fuck

so fuck it

i give up

an ugly piece of shit

shit out of luck

[mrbarmecide]

Paracite

i just want to be in love

dreamin of your touch

but i know im not enough

in your dms when im drunk

and i know you've had enough

all the shity things ive done

now i guess im out of luck

snortin perkys till im fucked

oh how i long to hold your hand

feel the warmth apon your skin

but what's done is done

another blood bond broken

sitting in the back of the whip right next to you

thats about as close as ill ever get to you

now

i guess its time to come to grips with this

yeah get a clue accept the truth

the fact is ill never get with you

feelin blue

what to do

fuck it hurt, but life aint perfect

just know that i never did it on purpose

im sorry

im worthless

[mrbarmecide]

GoLD cAp

the beast the burrden

not cryin just hurtin

on my leg tatted worthless

not meant long for this earth bitch

you hate me i know it i can see it you show it

from the look in your eyes

i could tell im not im not perfect

in the clouds is my purpose

to fade into nothing

thats how it works bitch

these shrooms aint shit

my only wish is to get you on my dick

69 69 69

I rub lick on your clit

69 69 69

you suck till i slip

into a deep sleep that i hope i dont wake up from

cuz fuck if this life was meant for me

love is fiction to me

and the sex is a dream

both equally out of reach

sometimes i feel like x

sometimes i feel like peep

no matter the occasion

im never not being fake deep

deep fake

no love deep web

I wanna rub your back and kiss you on the head

but thats just not gonna happen

you see

imma fucked up freak

runnin on a streak of being a garbage human being

being me

thats somthing i dont want to be

im here with the team

tho im so alone

sad tones stones thown

wanna go back to summer 16 and listen to bones

oh but all i can do is bitch and moan

if only i could make a better version of me

myself my own clone

bathe him in drugs love and sexy cologne that the ladies like

cuz lately i

havent felt like myself

its like im trapped in a lockbox placed on the shelf

and fuck self help

that shit's like a deck of cards

already been delt

if only i could go back and feel the way i felt

my life is getting dark

and the pain is getting sharp

the chain of events that led my heart to its last beat and my lungs last breath

still hasnt come yet

so on the keyboard i type and fret

as i wait for an ego death

[mrbarmecide]

fuck everyone

honestly my friends make me feel like shit when im around them

i doubt that they actually are my friends

they probably just put up with me

sometime i feel like id have to be on my death for them to be honest with me

and that sucks

being away from them is for the best but i cant stand being alone

so i breath in their poison and try to pretend that everything is fine

thats life

shit will never be the way it used to be

and im poweless to change anything

so ill just sit here till they leave me again

its a cycle

over and over again

i feel so left out

i feel so much hate for the friends of my friends

jealous even

they arent good and honestly

i wish they never came into my life

the poison in my lungs lay unattended

but those motherfuckers get treatment for something as simple as a scrap

what ever

i cant change a goddamn thing

still i cant help being so fucking pissed thatthose i call my hommies

make me feel so invisible

so worthless and so bad

they are lying through their teeth

i know that they fucking hate my guts

but since im nothing to them they wont even give me the time of day to come out and say it

nothing out of the ordinary

but i guess thats what i get

i havent been the greatest person

ive fucked up so much along the way

and when i try to put the pieces back together things turn even more sour

and the air is yet again filled with tension

the only escape from this are drugs up my nose and in my lungs

.......................................

i got a little bit of cash

who got percs?

........................................

[mrbarmecide]

Memento Mori

wishing that things were different is pointless

people and places cannot be changed

you can only change yourself

it is useless to hope for the best

things will play out how they will

and all you can do is play your part

every thought about external forces outside of your person is pointless

pointless as a dull ticonderoga

so cast them aside

it is better to look inwards and focus on the self

you cannot change the people or places known to you

though you can change their proximity relative to you

proceed to accept what you cannot change and change what you can

this is no new information

these ideas were spoken into existence by the ancients long ago

apon the stoa

they told us not to forget that we are not too long for this world

some say it is grim to think about this law of nature

but it puts everything into perspective

it reminds us that our problems are just like our lives

when we go, they too will dissolve

remember not to forget death

hold the thought in your mind always

and you can bare any pain as if it were a feather on your shoulder

it will soon be carried away on the gentle breeze of wind

memento mori

remember death

forever and always

memento mori

no matter how long or short the story

remember death

memento mori

keep it with you till the end of this allegory

memento mori

remember death

[mrbarmecide]

N.R.Q

you got me between your teeth

beggin and on my knees

baby lets ride

ill be the freak of sheets if you be my queen at least

just for the night

what do you want from me

there's things i cannot be

say it's alright

giving me pain

making me cry

tell me to go

you know that i tried

you're all that i know

let's make this thing right

you got me between your teeth

beggin and on my knees

baby lets fight

can't be the man you dream

lossin my sanity

am i alive

i wanted you

to have and to hold

but then you just left

now was i too bold

lossin my head

the bedroom is cold

you got me between your teeth

beggin and on my knees

baby you'll never be mine

thinkin what we could be

that's just a dream it seems

in love with a lie

[mrbarmecide]

five means friendship

never hit that end shit

we together thru the worst and the best

we that best shit

gotta stay stong thru wrong

remember good times

you my slimes

fuck if imma about to lose you

i could never accuse you

the blame falls on me

now whats tea

hopin when i die you won't forget me

and that's peace

forgive me for my faults

cuz im sorry

shit

i could couldn't are more when you goin thru some shit

because my only hope is that i could be there to catch you when you fall or you slip

you my hommies

till the end

now let's make up and begin again

[mrbarmecide]

4 lines

if i could i would die

staying up late my sleep is dreamless

these drugs help to create an exit

4 lines up my nose as i try not to cry

[mrbarmecide]

sorry

the mood of this room is so heavy

the walls have heard so many secrets

the air is thick with gossip

and everyone is sipping jin n tea

but what's my role in all this

who's to say

im tipsy

so much on my plate

no appitite what so ever

breathe in menthols and drink as much as possible

an attempt to find sollace

i want to be apart of the situation

i want to hear the secrets and spill the tea

as i think about it

i realize that it's none of my business

and that things can never be the way i want them to be

i feel so left out of the loop

even if the loop was a noose

i'd still want to be apart of the group

one of the hommies

ok

as i write this i realize that the noose analogy was pretty dumb

but thats me

mole hills into moutains

shit that means nothing becomes so inportant to me

because im so alone

and so lonely

but at this point i have fucked up so much that things will never get fixed

i want to be better

i want to be there for the people i love

i want to be the one who they love to be around

but im just shit, garbage, a waste of space

a thorn in their sides

buzz killinton

im needy and boring and im sure they are well aware of that fact

maybe it's just the jin talkin

still

even with all this in my system

these are sober thoughts

i can't fix things

i can't contribute to the situation

guess that its just the ways things have to be

if i go on any longer

this will just turn into bitching

im so sorry that im just not good enough

bye

[mrbarmecide]

Sleep

I looked at her knowing that she wasn't the best of circumstances

but that was just at first glance

apon the second I saw it

knew it

I had swore I had felt it

she was beautiful

even if she wasn't

her eyes

her hair

hips legs hands

even her scars were beautiful

she was at arms length

yet we were worlds apart

a part

a piece

a segment

that's all I wanted

because I knew that was all I was worth

she was my drug my morphine

my ketamine

the smoke in my lungs

a fleeting moment in the halls of eternity

and nothing else

I wrapped my arms around her waist as we slept

this hug

this sweet embrace

was the most loved id felt in

months weeks days

just oxytocin

so don't sweat it

just cuddle buddies

just a silly romantic in need of some company till dawn is all

just one night, thats all

then you can wash your hands of me

and this bad situation

I told her

but I didn't

I held that thought back under lock and lost the key

I know she's bad for me, but like a cigarette I can't put her down

and our time together as i know

is all too short-lived

I listened to her knowing she wasn't telling the truth

she said it once more

I heard it

believed it

took it as gospel

she was trustworthy

even if she wasn't

her voice

her words

pauses breaths laughts

even her lies were beautiful

her words though few, are sweet

but i know from our past they are filled with intent to mislead

But I can't help it

I'm

lonely

and in need of some sleep

...

[mrbarmecide]

」「」「OLDBOY」「」「

my heart is like an empty soda can

to be kicked around and recycled

but you know its really not that bad

to be so empty inside

everynow and then I forget the state of things

and those times are so fun

but when I come to, it all goes south

and no amount of friends or drugs could ever fill that space

temporary

always a fleeting high

always chasing the next

I would never compare self to atlus himself

its just that the boulder on my shoulder at times feels as if it were the earth

really im just bitching

If the way I feel is punishment then god is in the right

that is if he exists at all

regret is a bitch, but there is nothing to do but live with it

and I do

live with that empty space in my chest

live with all this self hatred

live with all my problems

sure, pain is relative but my problems feel like nothing compare to the problems of other

crybaby bitch is me

maybe it's validation that i crave

either I'm looking for it in the wrong places or

I'm deaf to it

but I think the case is that there are no redeeming qualities about me

that's just a issue that I will have to take up with myself

I don't think that the time for that will ever come nor do I think I will be ready when it does

so for now I guess i'll just feel bad for myself

snorting codine is great by the way

thanks for asking

[mrbarmecide]

\\//(GATTACA)\\//

pathetic

regret it

hyper energetic till strom clouds form a crown and a mantle

real sad times but thats just bitching isn't it

to be strong would be great but thats not an option so all there is to do is self hate

empty empty empty

hollow hollow hollow

shallow shallow shallow

nothing more then a husk a shell or a snickers wrapper or what ever the fuck else means to be un-needed and unwanted

retarded imagery that is no deeper than the dashcon ballpit

garbage that is worth no less then these words or the person who wrote them

lust love sex and hugs

fuckin or kisses with hands to hold

seaching for truth thru all these drugs

peep this tom you aint going no where you piece of shit

outcast from the out group and no one fucking cares, and can you really blame them. happiness is for the good and brother you know that aint you, you dont belong

fuck all this i guess i really am unloveable

my cherie amour never existed

and smoke in my lung doesn't change a fucking thing

just make it worse

let me feel somthing

i dont want to feel empty

i dont want to feel weak

but i dont deserve these good things

so if you have to hit me

please just let me feel somthing

even if i hate it

ill call it love

[mrbarmecide]

「Valintino Day」

A tightness in the chest

it feels like sudden death

It comes with stuttered breath

a tingling from within

It makes my palms sweat

i shake then lock legs

A feeling greater then the sum of all its parts or better yet the greatest thing ever to result in regret

「oh yes I want sex」

Prefrontal cortex fillin' up with bittersweet dopamine

All this it seems, all this coupled with a clenching of this shameful shaking vessel

it's that feeling again

「It burns like the sun」

Yet these cold parts and mishapen features want nothing more than to be joined with their counters on the blazing sun and dance in its rays forever even if it hurts

The only warmth left feels like gasoline in the wound on my skin

Taking hot showers to feel less alone

and all I ever do is sin

「Never to reach satori never to touch」

But the sound of one hand clapping

habbitualy comes from the right

On five other didgits its a moment that bare no fruit but false witness to the truth

just a repetitive grasp task followed by the return to the deepfreezer where love plans crash and romantic dream are doomed

freezerburns on my heart and plans for a love life follows suit

running my hands thru hot water from the sink pretending it's you

can't we go back to the old days watchin' willy wonka?

cus now i feel like agaustus gloop

「shit garbage poop」