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ha?

every single person who reblogs this

every

single

person

will get “doot doot” in their ask box

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MMmmmm What is This

TW: Rape

It is New Years Eve Eve. And I have to tell you that I have seen some shit this year. I have learned some shit this year. But I really haven’t changed all that much tbh. Well, that isn’t true. Pretty sure I got a hell of a lot gayer. But that’s just because my feelings towards most men are pretty shit to begin with. Hey, that’s just me and I try to put aside the feelings of dread until I actually talk and get to know the person. 

A while ago I was in class and the topic of the politician sexually harassing a girl a while ago came up. -I don’t know all the details, so that won’t be my main focus. Although if somebody wants to throw me together a flow chart and explain what happened that’d be great.- There was very little debate over the fact that harassing somebody was wrong. But there was a kid who seemed very sure that the girl was lying. And maybe she was. I really don’t know what happened so I can’t say. But I have never, ever heard a teacher say to a group of kids that they should be careful when talking about harassment because there are students in our school who have suffered from the aftermaths of it. 

The kid who was so sure that the girl lied, just kind of scoffed and went about his business. Let me tell you, as a person who has dealt with a rather...Sexualized harassment... that it isn’t fun during or after. Innocent until proven guilty, I know. But the mental problems that not believing a girl (or guy) on being raped is astounding. And it isn’t even just for the person that was assaulted. It’s also for the people who might be in the future, who have been in the past. 

The world needs to get its shit together and realize that nobody should have to worry about walking home in the dark with your friends after having a night out. You should be able to dress how you want without feeling afraid of being raped. You should feel safe. 

Make sure the words you say won’t hurt somebody who has gone through hell. And don’t make these serious topics jokes.

-It’s like. 12:30, so all of my thoughts are scattered and I have no clue how this will sound when I wake later.-

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Chapter 7: Jesus Fuck I’m bored.

Okay, the picture above doesn’t really have anything to do with this. I just wanted to post it somewhere else. And I’m fairly proud of it considering I’m usually pretty shitty at partial views. Anyway, not the topic of today.

Today we have the topic of boredom. And I’m sure we all know what that bullshit is like. So let’s address it. It’s boring. It sucks, and it makes you unmotivated. I’m bored most of the time. I have a bunch of stuff that I could be doing, but instead I sit around in my room and don’t do anything because I’m bored.

So, to solve this, I usually hang out with friends. However, they aren’t always around. Which makes me even more bored. So then I go back to sitting around in my room. It’s a pretty great way to waste all the time possible. Especially if you’re like me and stay up really fucking late for no reason and then wake up at ten the next morning. That’s also a good way to waste time.

So, to cure boredom, here are my solutions.

1: Go to a different area than the one you are currently in. Sometimes moving about helps.

2: Do something you haven’t done in a while. Shake things up a bit.

3: Clean something.

4: Maybe learn something new.

5: Invite some friends over.

6: Go outside and have a small contained fire. (This is best done with marshmallows, chocolate, and s’mores.(

7: Learn to sing a song.

8: Read a book.

9: Write a story.

10: Finally, create something. Do something that will wow people when they see it.

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Chapter 6: Shut the Fuck Up

I’ve been a little gone for a few days, so let me update you. School has been boring, and that’s normal. I’ve laughed, beat my family at poker, and also wanted to yell at a teacher. Let me tell you why, and you can evaluate how good my reasoning is, or if it is just stupid.

So, this is the last class of the day. Study hall. And we aren’t really allowed to do a whole bunch of talking in any other class, we get yelled at for not paying attention and being immature about not wanting to learn. ~Tangent begins~ So, some of us want to learn. We just don’t like the way we are being taught. I like to learn, but I fucking hate school. Give me a manual, or a book to read. Give me a real life experience, teach me fucking taxes. Teach me things I will need to know in my immediate future. I don’t need to know how to find the distance of a fucking triangle right now. Teach me important things. ~Tangent over~ 

Okay, back to the point at hand. We had a big set of tests last week, and sometimes people don’t show up for them and have to take them at a later date, or have to do something else for it. And that’s fine, whatever. But, this kid in my study hall had to take a test. And instead of sending this kid to a classroom that would be completely silent, or sending him to the office, the teacher keeps the student in the classroom. We wanted to talk, because we don’t really get to any other time of the day. But, no. This fucker just had to take his test in a classroom full of kids that wanted to talk about their day, play cards, and do whatever else. And that’s what we are allowed to do as long as we don’t have homework. And my group of friends didn’t. 

But it gets worse, this kid now thinks he is privileged in silence, and gets it if he demands it. Like, fuck you dude. It isn’t my fault you can’t go somewhere else to take this test. The kid got pissed off when somebody set their phone down on a table! What the fuck, right? I didn’t even hear it, so I don’t know why this fucker was complaining. 

Now, I might sound like a raging dick against this kid, but I have good reason. He’s ridiculously stupid, mean, and reeks of B.O. You cannot walk within a two, or three foot radius depending on the day, without gagging. And again, I might be being mean, but seriously. Showers are important kiddos. 

Okay, rant done. Which is basically what these are turning into. I think I’ll try and make the next post happier and less aggressive.

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Chapter 5: Sometimes Nothing is Best

Alrighty, chapter 5. Or, well, an attempt. Today I did pretty much nothing of interest. School was cancelled for weather, so I said fuck it. I’m going to paint. So that’s what I did. I spend 12 hours painting. 12 fucking hours. And by somebody’s God, I got that painting done. And I’m pretty fucking proud of it, not only the time I spent on it  but that fact I got it done. 

That’s the summary of today. But the lesson I sort of learned, was how nice it was to be in my own thoughts, to be alone. I did some talking with the outside world via phone, but not a whole not. There was about a 30 minute window where I was on the phone. Otherwise, it was used for music. Imagine that. A teenager that went about 11 hours without being actively on their phone. So, if somebody ever tells you that “You teenagers can’t ever stay off your phones” respond with a big old fuck you. Because we can. It’s just the reasons that you old fuckers want us to be off our phones is usually pretty boring. 

Teachers really piss me off when they say that. It’s like, “We’re all suffering because the highest up top boss is fucking us over, and we all have some sort of mental issue or another. YOUR STUDENTS WANT TO DIE.” Our phones are coping methods, or have coping methods on them. It gives us access to things we might need in case we have a mental break down. I can tell you right now, if I wasn’t allowed to use my phone when I had a panic attack, I would’ve been screwed. I wouldn’t have known what to do, and I would have stayed hiding under a desk, crying for who knows what reason. ( I do, but that’s not the point) 

People forget that our phones are important to us for more than one reason. If you see somebody on the phone, staring down at it and avoiding people, leave them the fuck alone. And I don’t mean like, don’t talk to them. I mean don’t bitch about them being on their phones. Some people aren’t good at speaking to strangers, and that probably isn’t their fault. 

Conclusion: Don’t piss on people’s use of electronics. But, try and take a break from your electronics if you use them constantly. It can make you feel better. Depending on who you are. This probably doesn’t work for everybody.

Goodnight.

End of Chapter 5: Sometimes Nothing is Best

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Chapter 4: To Sleep or to Die

Oh god. Why am I doing another one of these. This is gonna be the second one today. Fuck it. Considering I didn’t post yesterday. Gotta at least make up for the lack of it. Not that people are reading this. Yet. Okay, let’s get on with this, shall we?

WARNING: This might get sad. So, read at your own discretion. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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I am an insanely twisted fucker of a human being. By most accounts, I’m a fairly of a human. I prefer to be alone. Except I contradict this all the time. I can’t stick to a plan, I don’t know what I want in life, I don’t know what I want to do at any point in any day. I’m basically a lost cause. I’m a soul that’s wandering around, waiting for something or somebody to snatch me up and drag me out of the hellhole I call my mind. I kid you not, my mind is wretched. It’s like a watered down sociopath. Now, that being said, I don’t want to kill anybody. For what I just said, I’m a fairly happy person. As long as I take my medication and sleep for at least an hour.

So, being this fucked up, twisted, sarcastic, yet somehow nice person, I get along with people. Normally. Don’t get me wrong, there are some people I just refuse to tolerate. Not entirely my fault in all respect though. This paragraph is mostly just a break from the other one, considering it got a little dark. Gonna give you a bit of a break before we delve into the fucked up shit. Well, more fucked up shit.

Let’s do this:

Most people who have depression, have it much worse than I do. They actually attempt death, or at least think about it much more than I do. I just kinda go, “what would happen, if I suddenly didn’t exist?” I had a friend ask me once if I wanted to die. And I told him no, I didn’t. Now, the only reason he asked me this is because I told him I self harmed, (Don’t worry, I haven’t in a while, calm down) Believe me or not, I really don’t want to die. And he is one of the reasons I don’t want to die. So are my other friends, and the people who care about me are the reason I live. I don’t really have anything else going for me to be honest. I’m not super smart, and I don’t have any particular talent. I’m kind of a jack of all trades, master of none kind of person. I have people who love me, and I love some people, and life is good. But I don’t quite have a grasp on this, and maybe somebody reading this can help me with that. Probably not, but ah well. Life goes on.  More or less.

I mean, what truly is the point of living? We’re told that we need to go to school, get a good education. But if you live in the U.S like I do, you get fucked over with debt later in life. Constantly having to spend money on something that you weren’t required to do, but you need to do or you might not get a job good enough to be able to live on your own. What kind of life is that? Constantly being poor because you went to school to keep the economy a float. The economy that is fucking destroyed.

Okay, my point here is,  there are so many things that make people want to die. Even just a few words from a passing stranger can  make them kill themselves. Like, you think I’m joking. But I’m not. And it might sound overused, but seriously. Think before you fucking speak. It could be the line between life or death for somebody. You might never know. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to school and I’ve had somebody tell me I’m a stupid bitch. Like, I sat next to somebody who said that to me basically on a daily basis. I’ve had family members get angry with me because I was dating a girl. And I’ve got to admit, I’m fairly lucky with that. Some people have it much worse, but this is what I’ve got, and it still hurts.

When you tell somebody that they just need to suck it up, you’re basically telling them that their experiences and feelings aren’t valid because you think you have it worse. And obviously, some people do have worse situations. But that doesn’t stop  a situation from being bad. Keep things in perspective.

I know I’m preaching kindness here, but you don’t have to be nice to everyone. That’s obvious. You just have to keep things in mind. Just because somebody appears strong, doesn’t mean they can’t be mentally breaking down inside. People are really good at lying when it comes to things like that, trust me. I’ve seen people lie to me, and I’ve done my fair share of lying. Hell, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told my friends that they’re just cat scratches when they see cuts on me. Now, sometimes I’m not lying. My cats can be dicks. Like most. But, I’ve learned like so many other people, that you don’t want to worry the people you care about. Because it makes you feel worse. And it’s just downhill from there. It’s a never ending roller coaster of down. Just constant spiraling.

Okay. I’m tired of typing, and I’m sure I’m repeating myself a lot right now. But I have one more thing to say. Be a life line for somebody. If you know that somebody is going through a hard time, or maybe just isn’t the best mentally, help them. Check in on them. I don’t think you realize how much this helps some people. Or, just be a friend. Don’t do anything specially. I have three main friends that are like that for me. They don’t usually say anything to me specifically. But, whenever I see or hear from them, I get happy. Because I love talking to them. And sometimes, that’s all a person needs. A distraction if you will.

Chapter 4 concluded: To Sleep or to Die.

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Chapter 3: Solid Friends

I hate testing. Like, absolutely hate it. It’s a waste of my time, and everybody else’s. It’s stupid and I hate it....Okay. That isn’t actually related to what I want to talk about today, I just wanted to get that off my chest. I’m going to talk about something else. Today, I want to talk about friends. I’m going to tell you about my friends, and I want to hear about your friends once you’ve read this! 

First off, my friends are amazing, and I love them very much. Because fuck yeah. Two of them are twins, obviously two, because twins. Not the point. They are both exactly the same and polar opposites. It’s kinda odd. But they are amazing, and I don’t think I could do anything that I do without them. Especially school. I would be oh so fucked in school without these beautiful ladies to support me. I have another friend, and he’s pretty cool. He’s a genius, and I aspire to be as smart as he is. Not gonna happen because I’m lazy with knowledge. I can tell you how to make cinnamon rolls(Facts I learned three years ago) but for the life of me, can’t remember a math equation. So, this guy, as smart as he is, he is also petty as fuck. Not to say the other two aren’t petty on some level, or to ignore the fact that I can be petty as well. My point is, he is petty enough that he will actually do things just despite somebody. And it’s entertaining. Sometimes. 

Recently I’ve lost and regained a couple of friends. I regained a friend who I call a kayak. Don’t ask why I do, because I don’t know why. And this girl, I have known her for what seems like forever. I have seen this person change from somebody who said she would hate herself if she was lesbian, to somebody who understood her own sexuality. (She is part of the LGBTQ+ community now) I lost a friend because she couldn’t understand that just because I liked somebody, doesn’t mean I was going to be like, “Yep. Gonna try and date the person you like just cause, so fuck you.” Like, that’s not how I work. Also not the point. So, shit went down and now she doesn’t talk to me. Whatever works for her. And I’m not saying she is a bad person, I’m just saying she isn’t the  kind of person I wish to be friends with.

So, I’ve told you about some of the people I know. Well, sort of. I have three solid friends. The first three. The next one, Kayak, she was a solid choice until this year. She’s coming back up there though. And I lost the fourth. All because I liked somebody. And that’s saddening. 

To wrap up this really long post and actually get to my point, don’t let things get in the way of an amazing friendship. If you have something going for you, keep it going. Don’t let things destroy it. Try and work through your problems, and don’t say things that you’ll regret saying later. I know it sounds cliche, but if you wouldn’t say it to there face, don’t say it. It isn’t worth it. Just a few actions can make new friends, and just a few words can break ‘em. Be careful when starting a new friendship! Chapter 3, Solid Friends, concluded.

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Chapter Two: A Project. Period.

So, today is going to be a bit more realistic than fictional. I went to a period party today, and it was fucking awesome. I kid you not, about 150 people showed up, fitting themselves into this speakeasy which was maybe supposed to hold a little over a hundred comfortably. Well, in retrospect that would be my comfortably. Which is defined as everybody has a bit of wiggle room. But not the point. 150 people got together to help out the homeless women in the nearby area. There were all sorts of supplies ranging from just a simple pad, to period cups! I’m pretty sure there might have been diapers there as well. There were people of all ages, genders, sexuality, and ethnicity. I had never seen such a diverse group work together on something for a greater good in person. And it was amazing. Hell, the news was there to broadcast it! (I was shown for a short period of time, I was just walking in the doorway)  These people don’t even count the ones who just donated because they weren’t available to show up!  Each package that was made had a special note on it for whoever got it. Always uplifting, keeping you going. Hell, they inspired me and I was inspired the moment I walked in! Now, I have to admit. I was skeptical about it at first. But it had a great come out. There were 2,000 some odd care packages for homeless women and girls alike. I almost started crying. There were at least 20 trash bags full of tinier packages, filled to the brim and almost bursting with feminine hygiene products. All because we know, periods suck. And everybody deserves the chance to feel clean on that dreaded week of Auntie flow’s visit. Now, to wrap this up, I want you to think about something. Now, this might be cliche, and I honestly don’t care. But think about something you could do to have an impact on the world, or on somebody’s world. It doesn’t have to be big, just a kind gesture. Hold the door for somebody, offer to help an elderly person carry their groceries. Do something to make somebody’s life easier, better, and happier. You never know how appreciated it might be!

Conclusion of Chapter 2: A Project. Period.

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Chapter 1: A Tangent of Perfection

2/5/2018

I was sitting in my room today, like most days. It’s not anything spectacular, otherwise I’d have an awesome reason to be in there. But, alas, I don’t. I just sit in the bland manila room, staring at the walls or my computer. I mean, not that there aren’t things to do. I could be playing instruments, painting on my walls. Come to think of it, my room is pretty fucking spectacular. I just don’t leave my bed and computer long enough to see that. That’s my mentality right now. A sad realization of something that a lot of people don’t think about. Our rooms are our safe havens. Well, for people like me. And that’s a lot of people, but it’s also not. If that makes any sense. And it really shouldn’t make any sense. I said it and it makes no god damn sense to me! Imagine that. Saying stuff that doesn’t even make sense to your own head. But, that’s not my point here. Not what I was going to get at. So, the picture you see above isn’t done. That’s the progress I’ve made on it. It’s got some work that needs to be done to it. And honestly, it isn’t ever going to get to the perfect point that I want it to get to. Not because I don’t have the ability, I just don’t know how to do it. And that’s most things in life, for anybody. Just because something isn’t perfect now, doesn’t mean it can’t be perfect. You just haven’t found the technique that you need to make it absolutely stunning. Maybe you don’t think it’s possible, you’ve done everything you can. But you haven’t. I’ll look back on this drawing in a year or so and go, “Oh god, why did I draw this? It’s terrible!” And I’ll probably draw it again. And it’ll be stunning. But not quite perfect. Perfection can’t be obtained. Despite what I was hinting at before. The people on this planet, as I have come to learn, are always searching for perfection. Always trying to get the thing that will make their lives better than everybody else’s. As pessimistic as it is of me to say, nothing can be absolutely the best. Nobody comes out on top in that. There is always a trade off, a downfall. And you know how I’ve learned that? Not by sitting in my room all the damn time, that’s for sure. I got to school and I see these teenagers and they are all trying so hard to be the best alpha kid. But nobody can get there! Why not? Because it doesn’t exist. The absolute fuckery that comes from people wanting to be the best is wretched, and should leave everybody with a metallic tang in their mouth. For everyday I go to school, I see kid’s hopes, dreams, and will to live evaporate before my very eyes. And maybe it’s just me, but maybe it’s time that we all see through this veil covering our eyes, blinding us from the truth. Companies market, saying that you have to look this way to be accepted by society, and it’s fucking awful. Children starve themselves, cut their wrists and thighs, bleeding out until they can’t bleed anymore. All because we want perfection. How does this relate to me sitting in my room? It relates because I am one of those kids. I sit in my room and I waste away. Not always on my own accord, sometimes it just happens. Friends are busy, or have other plans. Hell, I see my friends make plans in front of my face. How perfect is that? Pretty damn perfect, right. My room is the safe haven that backfires on a daily basis. It’s the thing that saves me from having to deal with humanity with a brave face, I can hide behind a screen instead. But this doesn’t always work. Things can get to anybody, no matter how brave they are. No matter how upstanding of a citizens. Nothing and nobody  is perfect. No matter how hard we strive to get there. Society is always going to tell you that you aren’t worth it. So, to sum this up. Sit in your room stare at the walls, take it in. Take in whatever color, absorb it and become peaceful. Turn that peace to rage, and turn to the wrongdoers. Spit,  fight, scratch claw, fight the unfairness that is this world. Live out of spite, and wreck havoc on those who don’t believe you. You might not be able to get to the level of perfect you want, but you can get damn close. 

~End of Chapter One, A Tangent of Perfection.

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FWD

Let’s get this started off the right way. I’m  usually against telling stories of a personal agenda online. But I figured this would different. The only reason being,  there is going to be a fictional spin on the things I say. Some of it might just be complete bullshit that comes off the top of my head. You’ll never know. Now, I consider myself a pretty average writer, so we’ll see how this goes. This could be a genius idea, or it could be a total flop. I’m not gonna know until I try this. It’ll hopefully be updated daily, so there should be something new on my page everyday. If I’m lucky enough to have the time. 

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First character is mine, second one isn’t. All the art was done by me. (Just so you know.) Obviously not a redraw, but these were just about a year or so apart. Improvement can happen if you practice enough!

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This is the most recent thing I’ve drawn. Digitally anyway. I think maybe this will be a whatever account, considering I have nothing specific to post. Be prepared for an influx of images. (Sleepysoull is my instagram art account. Follow if you want!)

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Wow

Okay, so I genuinely forgot I had an account on Tumblr. And I’m kind of glad I found it again? We’ll see if I can keep up with it this time. 

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I bet this was a delightful conversation.

I bought the wrong type of light…I was misLED