mothmute

[mothmute]

types of nap, ranked by me (an experienced napper)

the siesta: the oldest and most reliable form of nap! you go to sleep around noon. you wake up an hour or two later feeling well-rested and prepared to face the rest of the day. this is the pinnacle of nap perfection. 10/10

the businessman’s nap: you have a limited amount of time on your hands, so you schedule a nap into your packed timetable and set an alarm. you spend half the duration of the nap worrying that you’re wasting valuable nap time by lying awake, and the other half sunk into a torpor so deep that when your alarm rings, it takes you a good few minutes to remember your own name. once you’ve splashed some cold water on your face you feel much better. 7/10

EW STICKY: you were cold at first, so you piled on the blankets and wriggled into your favourite comfy sweater. this was nice. now you are awake and trapped in a horrible sweaty gordian knot of your own devising. this is not nice. when you peel off the sweater you find to your horror that you have left an actual damp patch behind on the bed, like some sort of giant dead fish that can’t stop leaking its gross fish juice everywhere. 5/10 it was at least cosy to start with

the interrupted nap: someone barges into your room and starts talking to you. “wtsfhggl?” you enquire. they give you a judgemental look, and ask why you are sleeping in the middle of the day. “ghhfshsxkls,” you reply, graciously. they tell you to get up. you get up. the rest of the day feels like an extension of whatever dream you are having before you were disturbed. you boil with quiet resentment and shame. 4/10

the unsuccessful nap: you are tired. you want to take a nap. you lie down. you wait. you wait. time moves sluggishly forwards. you wait. your brain feels like a cup of mushy porridge but your eyes refuse to close. the noise of your fan is infuriating. you wait. eventually, you are forced to accept that this nap is simply not going to happen, and you have wasted 45 minutes doing absolutely nothing. god fucking dammit. 2/10

the handy-dandy fast-forward button: you really just want this day to be over as soon as possible, and the best way you can think of to do that is to take a nap. you only meant to sleep for an hour, but when you wake up it is already evening. the day is over. you glean no satisfaction from this. you kill time until you feel justified in going back to bed again, and spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, unable to sink back into the blissful stupor from which you so recently emerged. 0/10

The Unpleasantness: when you fall asleep, it is dark. when you awaken, it is light. this is the natural order of sleep, but perverted into a form that is frightening and wrong. you feel deeply unsettled and do not know why. are you sick? what does time mean? what does anything mean? maximum despair. -1000/10.

[mothmute]

gesticulating ambiguously

[mothmute]

People who insist on changing the pronouns in songs while they’re singing along are so weak. “But I’m not gay!” Okay?? And I’m not a broken man on a Halifax pier, the last of Barrett’s Privateers, but for the length of this song I can be.

[mothmute]

so true

[mothmute]

Part of me secretly believes that if I make a really, really good and perfect piece of art that it will prevent people from ever being mean to me again. They'll say, "Wait, aren't you the one that made the really, really good and perfect piece of art? I'm so sorry for what I said. I thought the art was so good. I wish I had never hurt your feelings, now that I realize you are the one who made the art. I also have decided to agree with your political opinions. Here's a gift card."

[mothmute]

Be annoying and boring forever until the end of time

[mothmute]

love is found in the small gestures, the attention to detail, thoughtfulness.

[mothmute]

@minors on this website:

You 👏 are 👏 in 👏 public 👏

Your blog is public, your posts are public. There is actually a setting to change this if you want to; otherwise literally anyone can and will interact. Stop advertising your age (and mental illnesses, etc) and block adults yourself if you want to.

If you wouldn't walk through a crowd of strangers wearing your personal info on a billboard or expecting nobody over 18 to so much as glance at you, don't do it online.

[mothmute]

i gotta remember this

[mothmute]

Mutuals every time we’re all online this is what we’re doing

[mothmute]

waking up and checking my favourite mutuals blogs like i’m reading the morning newspaper

[mothmute]

The intimacy of unliking and reliking a post for your mutuals tags

[mothmute]

google search how to know if i'm friends with someone

[mothmute]

I don't like the amount of uncertainty in my life right now, but it very much is what it is. Or, may be what it may be?

[mothmute]

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

[mothmute]

how am i supposed to function under these conditions [sleepy]

[mothmute]

btw dating sucks as a concept.