mooshroom8512

[mooshroom8512]

You know what, fuck you. *platonics your canon ship*

[mooshroom8512]

"I don't trust men, and I don't feel comfortable around men, because of my own personal experiences and traumas" is not the same as "all masculine people are bad, and I'm gonna make any person who feels more comfortable being masculine and is proud of their masculinity miserable because I've been traumatized by most of the men in my life"

One is a valid trauma response, the other is making your trauma someone else's problem.

[mooshroom8512]

That honestly heaven to me. I love pigeons and jigsaw puzzles.

hell is full. heaven is full. god created a new holding space for souls called hurgle and the only thibg to do here is this infinitely expading jigsaw puzzle of a finely detailed pigeon. we are just slowwwwwly creating little tufts of feathers for eternity . yesterday , greg found a corner piece

[mooshroom8512]

Adding more tags to this cause I would like at least one response, even if it's just "sorry I can't help"

With the time that has passed, it probably was the most pain I've ever been in, just the high pain tolerance. I don't want this to happen again during school, so even some tips, cause my Excedrin and Nurtec no longer work and heat now makes me cramp so bad that I almost through up, so any pain relief tips would be nice, I know things will only get worse at college even with the extra 2,000 I had to get a loan for for better housing.

So, I had the same type of migraine yesterday that I used to have all the time before puberty took it's hold on me, and I want to see if anyone else has ever had a migraine similar to this, cause I've never been able to find a migraine type that fits and it is my worst (but not most painful) type of migraine. I'm gonna go back and forth between explaining how it worked in the past and yesterday's, which was different from usual. I only have half memories of two from the past, my first one and my "last", I know I had a whole lot more than two but I forced myself to forget them and most of the memories of those two because of how, in a way, traumatic, they are. But I do know that I have been spending my whole life since then avoiding the trigger to them, which I will get into.

So, it is a timed type of migraine, kinda like alarm clock headaches but it doesn't make you wake up (in fact you are unable to fall asleep). It is my only migraine with a pre-migraine phase, and that usually lasts three days, and then you have the actual migraine itself. I think I usually spent a day afterwards recovering from the migraine itself, yesterday's wasn't so bad but I'm not at my usual, but I know I was usually out of it for the day afterwards. So, a five day migraine experience.

Now, we will get into the more "physical" symptoms (the, hey this is definitely a migraine symptoms). So, I usually have a mild headache during the first three days, some light sensitivity, but those are quite usual for me so I wouldn't really recognize it by those alone. Yesterday's was quite different, and I can't remember enough about the old ones to be able to say for certain if other things that are normal for me also happen always with the migraine or worsen. During the migraine, I usually start with mild migraine pain that gets worse throughout the day, but it starts getting worse quickly around 8 pm mark, and is exponentially worse by 10 pm, and continues at that rate of getting worse and worse from then on. At this point I become extremely sensitive to light, to the point where I had to remove a barely charged glow in the dark stuffed animal from my room yesterday. I also become sensitive to sound, but no where near the light sensitivity. I also develop on and off eye pain, quite similar to eye cluster migraines (which also stopped with puberty but are coming back, yay) but the eye pain is no where near the eye pain in eye clusters. I also get pain like that from positional migraines, mild pain from low pressure (moving my head, but no pain for being upright like normal low pressure) and high pressure (being horizontal, not as painful as usual high pressure migraines and kinda on and off (mostly on)), but it is reminiscent the those two migraine types, which I do experience (not together usually unless it's during this migraine). The pain from the migraine when not exacerbated by light or my position, tends to be a cycle of low pain to extreme pain, but no throbbing, thrumming or anything, just a quick growth and decay between the two states. I also tend to have a tension headache with this migraine, that will start at the beginning of the day and follow the same pain pattern, but it gets better when I'm able to lay down (relax), which causes me to do a lot of cycling between following the tension and low pressure to lie down then have to get back up from the high pressure. Something that isn't typical of my tension headaches is that I'll have intense pain in my left shoulder, kinda underneath the bone where it gets fleshy instead of boney. I don't know about it, I didn't remember that until yesterday and I was cursing it, it does happen with this migraine and I am confused on why, my guess is it's related to the tension headache, since I have had the tension headache before so painful at one point that it affected my full arms and upper back and not just my neck and head, but the tension headache for this migraine is always the same, so it is worth mentioning the specifics of it. I also have nausea during this migraine, not as bad as some migraines but it is still there.

Now, something that starts to crossover into the non typical migraine is that I can't stay still, that I get shooting(? It's weird and hard to explain but that's the closest equivalent I can remember at the moment) pain in my limbs. My best guess is it is kinda like restless leg syndrome (I'm not diagnosed, and it's been a while since I've done research for it (so I could be wrong) but I have had similar symptoms before with the migraine, just generally it's a lot for a month or two then disappears for a long time, so I've never bothered bringing it up to my doctor (I don't trust him). It's mostly in my legs during this migraine, although it'll occasionally happen in my arms (or that shoulder) and sometimes it is in my head and jaw too. Another thing is that if I'm lying in bed or pressed up against something, I'll get the "bugs under/on skin" feeling (I'm forgetting it's name), but more like they are digging holes underneath my flesh than the walking (when I get this feeling outside of this migraine then it always feels like I have worms moving in my veins and along my nerves, so it is different than normal).

Now, the big mental thing, which throws me for a loop on what is causing this, is actually part of what I named this migraine. I called my past migraines "obsessive throw-up" migraines. Yesterday's was just an obsessive one, but probably could have been a throw-up one (and I tried, but I'll get more into that). So, the whole migraines begins like this, on day one or slightly before day one, I will get a new interest, and I will get obsessed with it. The first three days, the pre-migraine days, I only want to think of the obsession, but I can do other things, but all my downtime will be thinking or engaging in the obsession, and I will often get distracted, but can get myself back on task. Kinda like hyper focus (I'm not diagnosed with Autism, I brought it up with my doctor and he said there was no point diagnosing me since ABA therapy would no longer work on me), but I can still pull away and I have a headache and there is generally an "off" feeling (I generally feel sick or out of it but I can't remember afterwards what it was, and during I'm too focused on the thing (addendum: it's kinda like a "heat haze"(don't know if that's a real thing) where I feel feverish but I don't think I actually have one, or if I'm running hot at all). I will often only have dreams about my obsession. On migraine day, I cannot think about anything else at all. By 8pm, I get stuck on one train of thought and can't have any thoughts outside of that line of thinking, even small changes can't be made, I will be completely stuck thinking about it. Now, I will use past examples of the migraine to show what is usual, and to explain the "throw-up" part. My very first one was block coding (I haven't been able to touch block coding since). I obsessively block coded for three days with my growing headache and the "heat haze", until 8 pm rolled around and I could only think one thing. I was forced to code myself a line to the bathroom and put in the "throw up" block, until at 3 am where I finally got to rush to the bathroom, throw up three times (it's always three) and then collapse on the floor exhausted and empty headed. From then on, the migraine is over and I generally just feel worn out for the rest of the day. The 7 hour period is always me thinking about throwing up in relation to the obsession. I am generally unable to think about or interact with the obsession afterwards, at least in the same way or with the same joy.

The only time before that I had gotten out of the throwing up part was my last one (before yesterday) where I downed a bunch of painkillers and barely made it to my bed before passing out. Normally, painkillers (in moderation) don't help and yesterday my Nurtec didn't either. Normally to prevent them I just don't allow myself to interact with things I really like unless it has been years of really like it from a distance, and I'm still wary of new things within the interest.

Now, yesterday's was different. For the pre-migraine, I had been having a feeling that I might have one soon for a month or so, so I've been extra avoiding things. Then, we can stretch it and say I had the three pre migraine days, I definitely felt off and had a headache, but I wasn't fully aware of my obsession, and didn't even directly interact with it for the first time until yesterday, but I did keep thinking about it. Yesterday I actually interacted either with the obsession, and I couldn't tear myself from it, but I never actually got enough information or something from it to fully build up to the true version of the migraine, so, while I had the same thing playing in my head over and over again, I could think about something else briefly or different parts of the same thing. I also, never threw up, and managed to fall asleep around 11 pm, woke up at 1 am, then fell back asleep at 2. I think this might be because my pain tolerance is so high now, I used to pass out once or twice a week and throw up due to pain all the time, but I haven't passed out in nine years, and I have only occasionally thrown up, so although I experience pain worse than I used to, and this was one of my worse migraines pain wise, it still never reached that threshold. I also think, while I did experience a loop of thoughts, since it wasn't overbearing I was actually able to fall asleep, and that reset the tension headache enough that when I went back to sleep I had bo problems even though a lot of the other parts of my migraine was getting worse.

So, has anyone ever experienced or heard of something similar. I really want to be able to enjoy things without fear of this migraine, and I'm pretty sure my doctor thinks I'm malingering at this point (I have other health problems, and I know he didn't properly diagnose my Chronic Migraines (I do have them I think, but I also have other migraines that he should have excluded (or treated) before diagnosing me with the "you'll be in pain for the rest of your life" disorder right off the bat, especially since he ran out of medication to give me to try to manage them and nothing has worked, I have a long rant about this guy sorry)), so I know he won't take me seriously if I tell him about it. I don't really know what to do about them, and honestly I just want to know if there is anything similar. Sorry if it's jumbled I wanted to get this out before I forgot more of the specifics.

[mooshroom8512]

i play re0 for the plot

the plot:

[mooshroom8512]

Theory about Wesker's eyes

Recently, my moot on tiktok asked a reasonable question: why are Wesker's eyes the way they are? This reminded me of my old theory, which I briefly described to her in one message, to which she replied that it was genius, so I decided to write out this theory in more detail and post it here. Actually I'm posting this mostly because of her lol I wanted to examine the change in his eyes from a scientific point of view and apply my knowledge of biology and medicine to this issue. In addition, I will also periodically touch on other aspects of the virus's effect on Albert's body. Let's start by looking at how his eyes changed throughout the series:

RE0 and RE1 - in these parts, he has pale blue eyes, which is his natural eye color. He has no abnormal powers here.

RE: The Umbrella Chronicles - here his eyes are the same shade of blue, only there is a big BUT! When he wakes up after his death, his eyes glow red for a second, and then during the game I noticed that his eyes flash a dull yellow color, but the game itself does not show this change in his eyes, although on the game covers his eyes look different. I attribute the fact that his eyes remain unchanged to Capcom's laziness, because they sometimes do that.

RE CODE: Veronica - here we see the changed eye color and pupil for the first time. Here he is already infected and his power is at its peak, which he actively boasts about.

RE: The Darkside Chronicles - here he has blue eyes again, just like in REUC, which I also attribute to Capcom's laziness.

RE4 -The old model was used here, so he remained with blue eyes.

RE4R - his eyes are somewhere between green and orange. Keep this in mind, as it was one of the factors that led to my theory.

RE5 - throughout the game, his eyes were orange, sometimes turning red when he experienced outbursts of anger. But I want to note that in the concept art for the final scene, his eyes took on their original form, which I also plan to discuss later.

I think you already get that his eye color changes throughout the games, even though canonically his eyes are always shown as cat/snake-like with an orange hue. So, the question is: why is that? We know for sure that it's because of a virus, but what exactly is happening to his body?

Firstly, his pupil, which changes shape in a strange way throughout the games. My theory is that his pupil changed after his “death,” which he experienced after Tyrant pierced him through, triggering the virus that began to fight for Albert’s life by restarting his entire organism and nervous system. Because of this, he developed Beloglazov's symptom, or, more simply, “cat's eyes,” which usually appears 10-15 minutes after death and is one of the early signs of biological death. Perhaps the virus causes such a reaction in the body at its peak when it is strongest, causing the brain to confuse its state with death, because in fact Albert is no longer human and his body may well do so under the influence of the virus. Secondly: his eyes, which constantly change color. The eyes began to change color and glow because there was a spike in melanin, which made the eyes become more golden/orange. We know that a virus can cause a person's hair to lose its color, which happened to Jill under the influence of P30, so why can't the Prototype virus have the opposite effect, but with the eyes of the infected?

But as for the fact that eyes can turn red from flashes of rage or some other strong emotions, maybe later they began to fill with blood (like in RE5 when he was overdosed, his vision also became cloudy and covered with a red veil. Perhaps it's a mix of nausea, headache, and blood rushing to the eyes. I don't know how to describe it more correctly here) or just simply change because of strong emotions, because in Umbrella Chronicles he mentions the virus altering the host depending on their current mental state, the more aggressive he becomes the more red his eyes are. The less aggressive, the more human-like they are.

Let's look at some examples: In UC, Wesker's eyes glow yellow at certain moments, which is when the virus has just begun to evolve and synthesize with its host. In RE4R, he is in an average state, as indicated by his greenish-yellow-orange eyes with normal pupils. In the context of the theory, this means that he was controlling his condition to some extent and was in an intermediate state, i.e., he did not allow himself to reach a critical point that would make him vulnerable. In CV and RE5, his eyes are yellow-red/orange-red with cat-like pupils, and it was in these parts that his power was at its peak. This makes me think of two things: over time, the virus progresses, making his eye color deeper (more orange, with yellow remaining only around his pupil), and it is also possible that over the years, the frequency of serum doses increases due to the virus further developing his body and his abilities becoming more difficult to control (making him taller, developing his muscles, in general making him bigger in all senses. At least that's how I try to explain the fact that in RE5 The Mercenaries mode it says that he is 190 cm (6'3") tall, while in the main game he is about 200 cm (6'7") tall, and in his Uroboros form he becomes even taller. Perhaps when he returns to his normal state, he takes on his usual form, shrinking, so to speak).

And this is where I want to talk about the concept art with the ending that Capcom originally planned, where you can see Wesker's blue eye with its normal pupil. My theory is this: in the ending, he wasn't supposed to be overdosed, but rather, they were going to somehow deprive him of his injections, which would cause him to lose his superpowers, becoming weaker and more vulnerable, which would cause his eyes to take on their original appearance. At least this fits well with my theory about melanin and Beloglazov's trait (cat's eye).

So, we understand what is happening with his eyes, but what about his vision? In my personal opinion, he has perfect 20/20 vision, but his eyes could potentially become more sensitive to light due to constantly wearing shades. Maybe he just has sensitive eyes or has migraines. I also believe that in the 80s and 90s he wore glasses not only to “hide his emotions,” but also to hide his fatigue, because his model from RE1R clearly shows how tired his eyes are, with dark circles under them. He worked for Umbrella and S.T.A.R.S. at the same time, so it's no surprise that he was tired most of the time. (I'm not talking about the model from UC, because he literally died then. It would be strange if he didn't look tired after he was actually killed by being pierced through) Based on all of this, I draw the following conclusions: Wesker's eye color and pupil shape are not constant and change due to the virus and PG67A/W injections. The Prototype virus can change the color of the eyes, making them darker (to a yellow or red hue) as melanin is produced, as well as changing the appearance of the pupil, possibly due to the fact that the body may think that the virus carrier is dead, thereby causing the Beloglazov symptom. And let's not forget about periodic bio-illumination, which occurs when the virus is at its peak.

Without regular injections, the carrier's eyes may lighten due to a decrease in the production of this pigment, and the pupil takes on its original human form. This may also be related to disorders in the central nervous system or hormonal balance, which is very likely in Albert's case. And yes, the virus makes his eyes glow, but it does NOT allow him to see in the dark, as confirmed by what we see in RE5 during the boss fight when the projectors had to be turned off.

… or maybe Capcom just screwed up because they were too lazy to refine the models, replacing the eye textures. As for his eyes in RE4R, they could have simply revised the shape of the pupil and made his mutation more realistic by simply making his eyes yellow-orange (they may look green because blue and yellow mix together, making the eyes appear green. People with green eyes may notice the same thing in themselves, by the way.)

That's all I have to say about his eyes for now. This is the first time I've written something like this; I've never written down my theories/headcanons before, so I apologize if I've written this in a confusing way and repeated the same things several times. Thanks for taking the time to read! ^.^

P.S. While editing the text, I decided to see if anyone else had written similar theories and came across this post by Cenori. It's not just about Wesker's eyes, but also about how PG67A/W affects his abilities. To my delight, we have similar thoughts! I highly recommend reading it if you haven't seen this post yet, it's a great piece of work :з https://cenorii.tumblr.com/post/747203730972213248/drunken-theory-about-eyes

[mooshroom8512]

i like wesker and rebecca in a platonic way, in STARS era. he's a fuckass virology nerd, she's a chem nerd, i think he's delighted to hear that she's a good student but he's internally crying because in his eyes she's the only intellect around and he can't even be a nerd around her. she mentions continuing her studies and he's vibrating in place. he will personally fund her studies because yes he is an aspiring war criminal but he also wants more women in STEM just so that he's got more competition to crush. feminist but for the wrong reasons.

[mooshroom8512]

not sure what the fandom majority opinion is on chris’s eyes but i’m a brown-eyed chris believer

[mooshroom8512]

Encyrtid nugget wasp on a pine needle, if you needed to know how small this lass is 🧡

[mooshroom8512]

nobdoy wake him up i swim to god

[mooshroom8512]

Blåhaj display at my local ikea. They know.

[mooshroom8512]

Love a guy

Jumping spider mimic planthoppers in the genus Rhotana

Photo 1 by tenebrionidfan, 2 by gancw1, 3 by budak, and 4 by deeqld

[mooshroom8512]

Ref Recs for Whump Writers

Violence: A Writer’s Guide:  This is not about writing technique. It is an introduction to the world of violence. To the parts that people don’t understand. The parts that books and movies get wrong. Not just the mechanics, but how people who live in a violent world think and feel about what they do and what they see done.

Hurting Your Characters: HURTING YOUR CHARACTERS discusses the immediate effect of trauma on the body, its physiologic response, including the types of nerve fibers and the sensations they convey, and how injuries feel to the character. This book also presents a simplified overview of the expected recovery times for the injuries discussed in young, otherwise healthy individuals.

Body Trauma: A writer’s guide to wounds and injuries. Body Trauma explains what happens to body organs and bones maimed by accident or intent and the small window of opportunity for emergency treatment. Research what happens in a hospital operating room and the personnel who initiate treatment. Use these facts to bring added realism to your stories and novels.

10 B.S. Medical Tropes that Need to Die TODAY…and What to Do Instead: Written by a paramedic and writer with a decade of experience, 10 BS Medical Tropes covers exactly that: clichéd and inaccurate tropes that not only ruin books, they have the potential to hurt real people in the real world. 

Maim Your Characters: How Injuries Work in Fiction: Increase Realism. Raise the Stakes. Tell Better Stories. Maim Your Characters is the definitive guide to using wounds and injuries to their greatest effect in your story. Learn not only the six critical parts of an injury plot, but more importantly, how to make sure that the injury you’re inflicting matters. 

Blood on the Page: This handy resource is a must-have guide for writers whose characters live on the edge of danger. If you like easy-to-follow tools, expert opinions from someone with firsthand knowledge, and you don’t mind a bit of fictional bodily harm, then you’ll love Samantha Keel’s invaluable handbook

[mooshroom8512]

I know I'm an outlier here, but I knew I was aromantic when I was 1 and 1/2, just didn't have the words for it. I knew I was genderfluid when I was 4, still didn't have the words for it. When I was 14 I figured out the words and realized I was asexual. I knew I was different, and that I would never be like my parents and be what they expected of me, and it affected how I viewed myself. Now I'm 20, and I am still aromantic. Let kids have the freedom to figure themselves out. It could be a phase, or they are, it doesn't really matter. We just need to make sure they are safe.

Just saw a post saying “minors shouldn’t identify as aro/ace” and I wanted to say… fuck you.

No look, okay I get why some people don’t want minors in certain spaces, and that’s fine. DNI minors then, if you want to.

But you can identify as anything at anytime in your life. It doesn’t hurt anyone to identify as one thing and then realise you’re another. It’s growth. Your identity will change as you age. It’s normal. And if it doesn’t? That’s also normal.

Also, from 13-18 (minors in most countries) is the most complexly romantic and sexual time. Obviously I’m not going into detail as again MINORS. But teenagers undergo the most change is hormones, emotional growth, romantic and sexual interest then any other age.

In my opinion, teenage years is when you’re MOST LIKELY to figure out you’re aro/ace. It’s the MOST LIKELY time to question your identity in general. Obviously, again, no age limit, but it’s the most common time for self discovery.

It’s called a “coming of age” story for a reason.

[mooshroom8512]

So about "transintersex"

I've been seeing more and more people claim that being "transintersex" (a perisex person transitioning to be intersex) is okay and that anyone who argues against it is just using transphobic talking points and I have some things to say about that.

I think that the people saying this stuff really just don't understand what intersex actually is. I've said this before, but I'll say it again: While some intersex people use the label intersex for their gender and sex, intersex is not a third sex nor is it about gender. It's not a comparable category to male, female, or man or woman.

Intersex describes someone with sex characteristics that naturally did not develop in a way that society deems "normal". This can be anything from hormone variations to chromosome variations to genital variations. Each variation is different and every single intersex body looks different. There is no standard for what an intersex body looks like and for some people their variations are completely invisible. However, despite the fact that each intersex person has a different body and different experiences with how their body looks and functions, we usually have a lot in common when it comes to the way we're treated by society.

The majority of intersex people, regardless of variation, will be told that the natural state of their body is disordered, unnatural, and it needs to be fixed. While obviously a trans person can experience a similar situation of their body being treated as unnatural if they've undergone a physical transition, it's not the same. A trans person's willful and intentional changes to their body are looked down upon by society but not in the same way. Trans people are seen as distorting and mutilating their own bodies while doctors intentionally distort and mutilate OUR bodies without our informed consent to "fix our disorders".

Neither is better or worse, imo, but they're completely different situations with different forms of oppression that go along with them. Intersexism isn't just a hatred for bodies that break the gender binary, it's also the constant and socially accepted pathologization of natural variety in the way our bodies develop sexually. Which just doesn't happen for changes that are intentionally brought on. You're not going to be diagnosed with a "disorder of sexual development" by intentionally making changes to your body.

When you treat intersex as a category that you can willfully transition into, it completely undermines and robs actually intersex people of the language we need to describe our unique experiences. It also reduces intersex characteristics down to bodily appearance and stereotypes, contributes to our misrepresentation and fetishization by implying intersex bodies are an "ideal" or that they all look the same, and completely and totally disrespects every single intersex person that has gone through some form of medical mutilation by also implying intersex can be transitioned out of. Because that's also the implication you're making when you say that you can transition to be intersex. If you say that you can change your body to be intersex, you're also implying that you can change your body to be perisex.

You're essentially saying that the people who robbed us of our bodily autonomy and mutilated us to make us fit the gender binary were successful in their attempt to eliminate intersex variations from society. I should not have to explain why that's a bad thing.

Intersex doesn't describe what sex characteristics you have, it doesn't describe what your gender is, it isn't a third sex, and there is no standard to how an intersex body looks. It exclusively describes someone who's natural sex characteristics are outside the societal norm. Intersex moreso describes the presence of natural variation rather than the actual characteristics themselves. Meaning it's not actually the physical characteristics themselves that make someone intersex, it describes the variety that can be present naturally in humans.

If you want a body that doesn't fit the gender binary and you're looking into transition options to achieve that state then that's completely fine. You're allowed to want your body to look however you want it to. You're allowed to pursue a transition path that doesn't land you strictly in the categories of "masculine" or "feminine". Whatever you need to look like to alleviate gender dysphoria, or induce gender euphoria, or even just feel right in your body, you're allowed and encouraged to do it. But please don't rob intersex people of the only language we have to describe our experiences. Please don't imply that the people who hurt and violated us were successful in their attempts to eradicate us. Please respect and listen to the actually intersex people who are telling you that you're hurting us and contributing to our constant misrepresentation and fetishization by saying that you can transition into being intersex.

Just use a different word. That's all we're asking. Come up with a unique and beautiful word to describe your own completely unique and beautiful experiences.

*"So you hate waffles" disclaimer: Obviously this doesn't touch on every experience and the words I'm using are just the best ones I have. There's exceptions and grey areas to everything but I'm specifically speaking against the practice of telling people they can willingly and intentionally make themselves intersex. I'm trying to describe how that specifically hurts the intersex community from the perspective of an intersex person. Nothing more, nothing less.

[mooshroom8512]

everyday of my life i pray to god to see my favourite girl of all time™ in new re games...

[mooshroom8512]

The types of things I make Chris do instead of finishing the game