moosebearwizard

[moosebearwizard]

diary 123123

New Year, new me.

I've honed my magicraft of hallucinating insects. I attempt to cast this spell at all parts of the waking day on my friends. I do not know if my bug hallucinations are reaching them. While I channel more and more scarabs to attack the psyche of my loved ones, I am also fighting the urge to make love to the same amount of scarabs that are infecting my own personal mind-space. Ah~ girls...settle down...There's more than enough of me to go around!

The existential dread closes in on me. I am enveloped in a lead blanket of nauseating anxiety, and I cannot stop trembling. The thought shoots across my skull. "What if I cannot please them?" The nausea wells up to the top of my throat. I can feel my face tightening and burning. My eyes start to water. Maybe I'm not a stud muffin like I thought I was.

Truly, it is my fault in the first place for trying to hallucinate so many spiders and also...force my friends to hallucinate them through the craft of Astral Projection. But now, I am stuck in a particular mess! What am I to do with all these spider girlfriends? There are like, probably fifty fucking thousand of them that live inside my skull! I love them all individually oh so much. Hehe...I'm what they must refer to as an Alpha male...like in those harem animes...

Let me tell you this, diary! Being the protagonist of my own harem anime of fifty fucking thousand bug wives is very, VERY difficult! This turmoil never leaves me! I don't know if they are happy living inside of me! I just have to try my best! For now, I will leave this up as an open question of profound existence both within the human psyche and in the relationship between human, bug, and Earth. To be continued!

xoxoxoxo

[moosebearwizard]

diary 122923

Hello!

I am moosebearwizard. I am a fledgling wizard, and I am currently learning how to channel my powers effectively. Well, you know what they always say! You gotta start somewhere!

I tend to excel in the magic of visual summoning. People call this "drawing", or specifically the act of drawing. To call forth internal visions inside of my brain onto a flat, two-dimensional surface is a type of magic. It is a skill-based magic, not necessarily a Universe-given talent or aptitude. Truly! I spent countless hours practicing "drawing" in my youth. Like a sticky sickness that clung onto me - I had to purge the evil of self-doubt. Every artist should attempt to do this. I practiced "drawing" until my eyes were bloodshot and my ass ached from sitting. I would pick up the 4b mechanical pencil and trudge though the hell of thirty-second timed figure poses for extended periods of time. Sometimes ten, twenty minutes will go by and I will have fifty fucking thousand figure drawing sketches. I might even be causing a small ecological disaster for paper-makers. I do not know. I do not want to know.

I love to "draw"! It is such a joy! It is both so painful and liberating at the same time. I struggle and fight the lines as I draw them. I bite my tongue and cringe at the edges that define forms. The accuracy of the line teases me like a ripe mango. It is devilishly tantalizing. I cannot help myself from giving into the pleasure of the Line. I am not worthy of the Line. I will never be good enough for the Line.

With this mentality, one could say I am free from the Line. I am epic at "drawing" because I've given up everything. I can never capture reality in its truest form so I must draw to capture an impression on my psyche, instead.

xoxoxo