monospace13 - Tumblr blog

[monospace13]

mind if i get sappy both negatively and positively for a sec?

if you've been following me for a while you'll remember just last year when i was still in highschool and i was so, so lonely and this blog was getting more popular than i meant for it to be. i was a wreck. i had straight up nightmares about hypothetical call outs and people taking my words out of context to turn people against me and that I'd lose the few people i genuinely thought of as friends. i used to go over my old posts deleting them and obsessively editing the wording when i felt it could be twisted to mean something else. even worrying that the fact they COULD have a double meaning meant i was secretly a horrible person in some sick freudian sense. not a good time to have moral OCD! or anon asks open, lmfao.

and i look at my past self now, after my biggest fear realized so many times it's now a monthly annoyance at worst and well. of course i did. i had no one else! that was the extent of my friendships at the time. the people i met and came to love online were the only place i felt truly safe to be myself around without having to fight for my right to be respected or putting on a persona.

but guess what? that's not the case anymore. I'm out of my parents' house, i have authority over my own decisions and presentation, i have friends at school (real friends! more than I've ever had simultaneously in my life!) that enjoy my company in person and include me in the things they do, fully respecting my chosen name and identity as a trans person. i have a queer community to share my burdens and my joys with, i am finally, finally getting started on HRT which is a dream I thought I'd never reach... and guess what. even my online friends didn't give a fuck. i was so paranoid about being alone again that i forgot to consider that they... also care about me, just like i care about them. that they're not gonna dump me out of nowhere because some random asshole decided i was their parasocial nemesis of the week, and if they had doubts or questions wbout something, we could discuss it in private and either agree or agree to disagree on friendly terms.

idk I'm just doing the best I've ever done in my life. this period of my life is perhaps the first time I've ever felt like a complete and whole person. it gets me a little tender hearted looking back and seeing how much I've grown since the time "something like this" would've been world ending.

anyway if any of this rings familiar to you, know I'm proud of you as well. in the way you've grown AND in the way you will grow, given time. hold the line, soldier. things get getter. that's a promise.

[monospace13]

Paul uses one of those razor blade subscription services and, since it's cheap, sends Percy at New Rome University a spare pack every time he gets a delivery. Percy keeps a MUCH cleaner shave than Paul does, who kind of keeps it scruffy. Unfortunately, one time, there's a shipping error as Paul's package is lost in the mail, so nobody gets razors.

Percy doesn't consider it much initially, but as days go by without a shave, he starts to build up stubble - something incredibly uncommon for him. People turn their heads and tease him a bit until the stubble grows into a shadow, grows into a beard.

Suddenly, nobody teases Percy. They give him a wide berth, and on more than one occasion, a younger New Roman called him "Sir" reverently. Now, when Percy delivers some Classic Snark during a lecture or between classes, it's not met with snickers and eye-rolls. It feels scathing in a way it never had before. Now things that Percy pokes fun at are corrected, and people nod along to his comments as though they were suggestions - no, expectations.

Sure enough, people relax a bit when some new razor cartridges come in, and Percy shaves again, and things go back to normal. Percy isn't sure why people acted odd for a week or two there. Then Annabeth, who (tactfully) avoided kissing him for that duration, points out, "You look a lot like your dad."

[monospace13]

Reblogging would be a great help, but don’t feel pressured to

[monospace13]

I cannot express how jarring it was after being raised by a "Porn Addiction Coach" to get into a relationship with a woman and come face to face with the fact that she did actually want me to sexually desire her.

Like, in Evangelical Purity Culture, male desire was basically poison. It was a threat. It was this constant temptation that would destroy everything. And even after leaving, in the sort of queer, feminist spaces i spend most of my time in that wasn't something that pretty much anyone was spending time actively dissuading me from feeling.

But my desire is good. It's not something that I'm being accepted in spite of. It's a positive thing. It's a bonus. Not even just vanilla stuff, all the stuff I'd convinced myself were these weird terrible desires that were shameful to have.

It honestly took me over a decade to fully accept that. To stop dissociating during sex and confront that I was, in fact, being a massive perv and that was fantastic and preferable and that I could accept that into my self-image without shame or self hatred.

But it's important to do. It's important to leave relationships that don't welcome that part of you. To know that your sexuality is valuable and valid and worth owning and celebrating. Because the alternative is just...not being. Either existing as yourself and repressing the part of your identity that is sexual or allowing that sexuality to exist but turning off your self while it does.

[monospace13]

Potential 02x06 spoiler? Slightly suggestive content too

I know this season has ✨issues✨ but I still had a great time.

Had to get the Gentlebeard wormies out of my system before getting back to work 😭 I'm so soft

(Ed gets the twink treatment, sorry I don't make the rules)

[monospace13]

Corporate America Never Really Quit Forced Labor

Inmates do billions of dollars of work for companies and governments each year. A landmark lawsuit alleges many are being kept in prison because the business is just too good.

[monospace13]

Hey shout out to every custodial/sanitation worker taking out and cleaning up literal hot garbage so that the rest of us can go about our summer days like it doesn’t exist

[monospace13]

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU VOTE!

[monospace13]

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

[monospace13]

Quick Important PSA

Fandom has been taking down those extremely intricate and helpful GameFAQs text guides because they're a terrible company run by rat bastards, so if you care about archiving those old guides for a smoother experience on the earliest generation of games, i've linked prograc's archive of just about every single one you can think of. make sure to download the whole 7z file (its ~2GB), as this is undoubtedly the most accurate and useful tool for anybody wanting to experience video game history.

[monospace13]

The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

[monospace13]

hey did you know??? that if you stop stretching and maintaining mobility in your body then it goes away?? things get tight and you can't move the way that you used to??? and when you decide to try getting a stretch routine going that the first week fucking sucks because you keep going 'damn i used to be able to do this no problem' and then you have to switch gears and be kind to yourself and just focus on getting better from here instead of berating yourself for dropping the good habits in the first place??? and your body never stops aging so you gotta keep taking care of it and sometimes you gotta take care of it extra in certain areas because of things that happened when you were younger and it's boring and sometimes hurts but it's so necessary???

i am yelling this at myself right now i am going through An Experience (trying to get into a routine of body maintenance again for my physical and mental health)

[monospace13]

i cant get over the king charles portrait. they made that thing to age in his place. that painting hangs in the house of a too-friendly family you find in the post apocalyptic wasteland who inexplicably has a ready supply of fresh meat. if mario jumped into that painting he wouldn't find a charming platformer he would be flayed and hanged like a medieval criminal by an unseeable force in a droning red void. that painting is a color blindness test for people who work in IT but believe in the divine right of kings. that painting is going to weep the sequel to blood. after he dies charles is gonna crawl outta that thing like sadako.

[monospace13]

Level 1: Prophecy proclaims that no man can kill villain; killed by woman.

Level 2: Prophecy proclaims that no weapon can harm villain; pushed down stairs and dies.

Level 3: Prophecy proclaims that villain will be brought low by no mortal hand; kicked to death by angry mob.

Level 4: Prophecy proclaims that no power on Earth shall be villain’s undoing; fatally distracted by sun in eyes.

Level 5: Prophecy proclaims that only power of laughter can defeat villain; beat up by clown.

[monospace13]

Ed's little speech before leaning in for the first kiss is so powerful. And not just what he says, but the way he says it.

After the 'what makes Ed happy?' line, you can just see Ed steel himself. He's going to be brave- he's finally going to cross that invisible line and make his feelings known. And he's terrified.

He doesn't look at Stede. His words are somewhat faltering. He pauses, so unsure of how his words will land.

Even after he speaks, he's afraid to look Stede in the eye - at least, at first.

And of course, he is met with an expression of such deep fondness and delight. How could he not lean in?

This scene is just so goddamn earnest and realistic. Ed's nervousness is so palpable. Every time I watch this scene, my pulse races and my palms sweat in sympathy with Ed's.

I think this may be my absolute favourite feelings declaration of all time

[monospace13]

BORN TO FORGET

WORLD IS A BLUR

I Am Memory Issues Man

410,757,864,530 FORGOTTEN PRECIOUS MEMORIES