monkaesque

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kittenheavenpov on tiktok

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early to bed and early to rise leaves a man so fucked up that he dies

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sorry i really don’t like just reposting someone else’s joke but i haven’t been able to stop thinking about Yucky Stinking Tooth for weeks

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sorry i covered your neck in dark hickeys and clamped down hard on your throat like limp prey while i was giving you a handjob. you whimpered a little too soft and i blacked out and believed myself to be a feral dog in possession of an entire rotisserie chicken

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do you guys wanna see the most perfectest png of my cat

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my actual coming out story is in fifth grade a guy named asa was like "hey are you a faggot" and i was like what's that 😨 and he was like "it means you like boys" and i was like ohhhhh then yes ☺️ and then i got home from school and was like hey mom guess what i am ☺️

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Im mr. stirling nothing

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Why Oblivion is so fun?

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my family fucked up my life by using spoonerisms interchangeably with their true phrase counterparts since before i was born and now i can’t escape from instinctively saying shit like “im gonna shake a tower”

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Life Could be Dream

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i love the idea that this photo is candid and that she pulled out her phone to take this picture in front of the guy who may or may not make her uncomfortable to snap this historic image and the hawaiian shirt man decided that since he's getting his picture taken anyway he may as well make it look good meanwhile the guy who's bothering her is just like sitting there wondering what the hell is happening seconds before she agrees to have him removed just for a lark even though he didn't actually do anything and the bodyguards come and they take him outside and they throw him out on the street as hard as possible and then one of hte bodyguards comes out and crushes his head with a bar stool like an overripe melon

[monkaesque]

Calappa lophos