monika-red-diary

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Suicidal Emptiness...

Alot has gone on. And I keep saying I’ll tell ya’ll about it. But the truth is I’m not healthy. I don’t believe in taking pain away through addiction. That, however, won’t stop me from… eating… I’m so tired. I think I’m in a hellscape of emptiness. An emptiness and loneliness that’s making me crawl back everything. I’ve been in crisis mode for so long. I can’t even finish this fucking post.…

[monika-red-diary]

Kaylee, the Pushy Bitch Bartender

I’ve had a couple of posts on the back burner. Wanting to type positivity; about where I’m at in life, and how everything is smoothing out. FUCK THAT!!! All that you need to know is that the bar I work at gave me extra hours in the form of barbacking after cooking hours on Sunday nights. Not the day I want. Not even the shift. But I took what I could get at the time. 6 months ago, we first…

[monika-red-diary]

A Time Skip

For some reason in my absence, I’ve gotten more traction on this site than ever before. It’s the damn spam sites and traffic bits that have they’re fangs in. Nevertheless, it’s really starting to get to me how much this was a good outlet for me. And how I’ve let it sit to waste. And now that I have a new phone, it feels even more wasteful. One of the bigger things to happen in my disappearance.…

[monika-red-diary]

Christmas Time AGAIN!!!

This time I don’t have passive aggressive ass parents nagging me to buy a new phone. Also finally considering actually buying a new phone! See how that works? Christmas is bizarre ain’t it? It is 3 a.m. Christmas morning as I type this. I apologize the update didn’t come blah blah never finished doing fanfiction blah blah. Visiting family is forcing me into writing. First Night, already Drunk…

[monika-red-diary]

Hell night: An update will come later

Hell night: An update will come later

I think this year, after the disasters I’ve faced, I can finally say I’m proud of myself. Family may be mad at me. I’m still technically driving illegally, and I am most likely gonna feel the effects of Covid until a year from now because my lazy ass didn’t get vaccinated… This isn’t about a crazy long update. That may or may not come on my off days. This night, I am standing…. Sitting in a…

[monika-red-diary]

I'm Worried ...

I’m Worried …

I’m essentially worried about if I am gonna get to work soon if at all. Last week, I had done an interview and was told that I’d be contacted on Monday. Well, it’s Monday and I have not been called or texted. That’s not the only thing; the same day the interview happened, dad started texting me about what my plan was. At this point, there isn’t really much of a plan other than me leaving when he…

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Plasma Donation Rant: Introducing Crystal!!!

Plasma Donation Rant: Introducing Crystal!!!

So I’m having to rewrite 80% of this goddamn rant because the internet at the Plasma Donation Center didn’t save this properly… This is just adding on to how pissed I am right now. I’m gonna just say that there have been a total of 2 severe instances of careless practices in this center. The first one was early July last year. It was my literal second time donating. And I was really only doing…

[monika-red-diary]

The Positive: Monika’s Light in the Fog

The Positive: Monika’s Light in the Fog

Well, I’m positive that this summer will rank high in how insane it was. It’s insane to me that we’re near the end of July and I didn’t post anything from my last post. And it’s also insane that after so long a period of not delivering anything, I ended up getting a lot more views on that post than I normally get. Oh well, part of the reason that is, my life ended up being more chaotic and up in…

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Most Chaotic period in my life: Update

Most Chaotic period in my life: Update

Maybe it’s entitled to say I can understand fully what chaotic means in an environment. But I feel truly that chaos is being in a state where things just keep happening. And the things that happen are only related chronologically. That we can agree on atleast, my stipulation is that the future being unpredictable would be the largest factor. Because you can’t prepare or prevent a fire when…

[monika-red-diary]

It's over... Monika the suspended school girl.

It’s over… Monika the suspended school girl.

Welp… It’s over! I almost survived Covid school year. I managed to get all my in-completes done. And two of the teachers that gave me in-completes for last semester I had for this semester. The one I had for my engineering lab knew what I was dealing with, and with minimal effort, helped me to actually accomplish passing shit. On the other hand, my engineering lecture teacher, seemed to not give…

[monika-red-diary]

My Newfound "Wealth" ~ March 16, 2021

My Newfound “Wealth” ~ March 16, 2021

Wealth, Wealthy, The Wealthiest. Wealth-Wealth weeeeeaaaalth. Oh. Wealth. Wealth. My Wealth Wealth Wealth. If you don’t like pointless diary entries, then don’t read… Is it that hard? WEALTH! I’m only gonna say this once. And then I’m gonna let the new audiences to come, wonder why I do it for the rest of this blog’s lifetime. Essentially, and this isn’t a new battle, my fight with WordPress’s…

[monika-red-diary]

Can’t help myself: Inconsistent posting

Can’t help myself: Inconsistent posting

It wasn’t supposed to go like this, I was supposed to have at least a week of content going to you guys. My last post, the one about me dropping out of college was, I believe, the second out of what was intended to be a seven day streak for me posting. But my inconsistent schedule isn’t news so… Winters is beating the shit out of me honestly. And looking at the 5 posts I had already recorded and…

[monika-red-diary]

My Decision - Life Altering Move

My Decision – Life Altering Move

My decision… Monika Red officially becomes a college dropout… It kind of dawned on me way before Christmas. This is before I even left for break. This was set in stone, even before I took my break from work/quit my job before winter break. I was just so tired, and I barely even did anything for school. And I had several realizations. The first one I realized that, during my entire time here…

[monika-red-diary]

Late Late Late Late Christmas Post

Late Late Late Late Christmas Post

You know, I was thinking about starting this whole thing with where I left off in November, and how I struggled with all that shit. But there’s no way I’m not starting off with the late fucking Christmas, because it’s just the epitome of how I feel and where I’m going and what my mindset is. I had already made the choice before Christmas even happened, and then my just pushed me further. I…

[monika-red-diary]

Very quick update: The mother of all absences.

Very quick update: The mother of all absences.

It’s been a loooong time. I think it’s been… what, three months? And I think the last ones were my drunk Halloween thing and the November election anxiety post. Nearly four months ago… I apologize. There’s been a lot happening. And that’s for everyone right now honestly. My list of things is fairly long. And I apologize for not doing any posts for them. I’m not sure how in-depth I’ll go into…

[monika-red-diary]

Very quick update: The mother of all absences.

Very quick update: The mother of all absences.

It’s been a loooong time. I think it’s been… what, three months? And I think the last ones were my drunk Halloween thing and the November election anxiety post. Nearly four months ago… I apologize. There’s been a lot happening. And that’s for everyone right now honestly. My list of things is fairly long. And I apologize for not doing any posts for them. I’m not sure how in-depth I’ll go into…

[monika-red-diary]

Very quick update: The mother of all absences.

Very quick update: The mother of all absences.

It’s been a loooong time. I think it’s been… what, three months? And I think the last ones were my drunk Halloween thing and the November election anxiety post. Nearly four months ago… I apologize. There’s been a lot happening. And that’s for everyone right now honestly. My list of things is fairly long. And I apologize for not doing any posts for them. I’m not sure how in-depth I’ll go into…