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Here we go again
#the horrible skin-crawling all nighter feeling has set in#I have 4 hours left to sleep but will most likely get none because of this assignment I have to do#I thought I had a new strategy for a minute. and maybe it's still worthwhile but it's not helping me now#I'm so sick of always making sacrifices#/🍄
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I don't know why I keep convincing myself I can handle being alive
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Guy who will lose all will to live if he starts another thing he doesn't have the time or energy to finish: I think I need to start a new thing
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«Time wasn’t right. It was moving too fast. I was 19, and then I was 20. I felt like one of those dolls asleep in the supermarket. Stuffed. And then I was 21. Like chapters skipped over in a dvd. I told myself this isn’t normal. This isn’t normal. This isn’t how life is supposed to feel.»
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Guys I realized you can’t compromise quality time on your core interests without compromising your own core self and fading away as a person . Did you know about this
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I honestly can't tell whether I'm being mentally ill about this or not
#I mean they seem to like me#but I can't help but wonder why. I'm not very likeable#and what if they're just talking to me out of pity or obligation? I don't want to get attatched to people who don't like me#it's happened before#I don't want to be seen as stupid or childish or annoying. I don't want to bother anyone#/🍄
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guy after having a completely normal social interaction: i made things weird again and they hate me
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Do I actually have friends now??
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This is really my high point huh
#I have to stay up late every night doing homework#not because it's a crazy workload but because I'm so slow and disengaged#I'm usually too tired and out of it to play the game I like for longer than it takes to do my dailies. which is about 15 minutes#I haven't even done the organization stuff I like to do every semester. so I have to manually check the syllabus for homework every few day#I've been late more mornings than I haven't#at least I'm maybe halfway starting to form some friendships#I'm doing pretty well right now. all of this could be so much worse#but man shouldn't it be better? can't it be?#I should be feeling like shit but instead I've just accepted all of this as normal#/🍄
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*guy who has repressed every feeling he's ever had* yeah I'm just really good at rolling with the punches I guess haha
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being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways
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characters whose philosophy is “if i cannot be wanted, i will be needed and if i cannot be needed, let me be used until there’s nothing left of me.” thank you for everyone’s attention. falls off stage and dies
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The videos referenced are the video essay about Blade Runner 2049 by @ladyknightthebrave and an interview between Adam Savage and Matt Parker about his book "Humble Pi: When Math Goes Wrong in the Real World"
go give them a watch they're super cool!
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Everything feels so blurry. Again
#it's the first week of class and I already have to miss an assignment#I don't think there's any hope for me#it's only going to get worse#/🍄
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new tagging system to better encompass all of my issues
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