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Book Spotlight: On The 7th Day by Tamiko Evans

Book Spotlight: On The 7th Day by Tamiko Evans

New release for Author Tamiko R. Evans on her new novel On The 7th Day

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Playing The Game Of Love by Janie DeCoster

Playing The Game Of Love by Janie DeCoster

Unconditional love . . . What does that really mean? Does that mean what you say during your wedding ceremony is supposed to be set in stone? Does it mean absolute love? That you love that person through anything and everything? In sickness and health, for better or worse, forsaking all others, until death do you part? When does that stop being the standard? When does it stop being love and turn…

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On The 7th Day by Tamiko R. Evans

On The 7th Day by Tamiko R. Evans

Friendship. A word that means so much to some and so little to others. What does it mean to be a true friend? Does it mean babysitting in a clutch or listening when she is mad? Does it mean you are only around when called upon or all of the above? Deep down we have to understand to have good friends we have to BE a good friend.

Savannah Jones is a self made woman. Not the way that you and I…

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COMING SOON . . . . . . On The 7th Day by Tamiko R. Evans

COMING SOON . . . . . . On The 7th Day by Tamiko R. Evans

Make sure you check out the Freshman novel by new author Tamiko R. Evans, On The 7th Day. It is a book I am sure that you will enjoy for yourself and your book clubs. It will be available through Amazon and BN.com.

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Always One More Chance

As we wrap up suicide prevention week, there are many stories out there to be told.   Today is Saturday September 12th, 2020 and this is my story.

As the baby of my four, I am perceived as being a brat. There might be some truth to that. The only thing that I have ever wanted is to feel loved. I know that my parents love me, I know that my family loves me, I know that I have been told that I am loved but the question is do I believe it. From an incredibly young age that is all I ever wanted. Hopefully, you will never know what it is like to feel unloved, because that is the way that I currently feel and have felt most of my life.

When I was a young child my sister went to live with my grandparents leaving me alone with my mom. My mom loves me, but I never felt like she loved me enough.  I always felt like I was competing with her current boyfriend for her attention and by the time I became a teenager I started acting out. From the age of 15 I tried extremely hard to get pregnant so that I can have someone in my life that loved me and that I could love. That pregnancy did not come for another four years but in the process, I was always searching for love. At 13 I have started having sex just so I could get the feeling of closeness and since then I believe that I still use sex as a form of closeness.

Over the years into my adulthood I have had lengthy relationships. I believe my first marriage to my daughter's father was my shortest relationship since turning 18 years old. We were actually together about two years and during that time is when I became pregnant, we got married and we moved in together. That was not my best relationship, but I got my daughter as a result of it and that was fine by me. We were both young when I had her, he had just turned 20 and I was still 19 for a couple more months and we were now a young married couple with the baby. It was very overwhelming, and our marriage did not last.

My next relationship was with the guy who bounce back and forth between me and his ex. This went on for about five years. Both myself and his ex knew about each other and we allowed it to happen. Just one more example of wanting, needing or chasing love.

My next couple of relationships were all the same. I love him and I thought that he loved me, but it appeared that he loved what I could do for him or our situation better than he loved me. Meaning he loved the fact that he had a girlfriend with her place to stay, her own transportation and a good job. So that only required him to be there emotionally or physically and most of the time I got the physical and not the emotional and sometimes I had to share the physical. Do not get me wrong, it is not that I do not love myself because I do but it is easier when you are not alone. Or so I thought.

So, my second marriage I met my ex-husband at a bar I bartended at. We did not start out to be a couple, we were just being friends to each other. You get 2 lonely people together that are looking for or lacking love and that is what you get. We were together a total of 11 years, together off and on for six years and married for five. He moved to Kentucky first to get a job and to get established and I came eight months after and we got our place together.  Still looking for love, searching to be in love we were together, but we were apart. Within six months of me moving to Kentucky he was already cheating.   But because we move here to be together, I tried my hardest to make it work.   He tried to hide it the deep down in my heart I knew he never stopped.  Fast forward to 2011 when I divorce my second husband. I would rather him be happy without me then to be miserable with me. This is always my thought process; I am a people pleaser. I get joy from my relationships if my partner is happy.  In my relationships it is never about me or it is never about us. It is always about him and how he feels. If he is unhappy, I am trying to do everything that I can to make it so that he is in a better place. If he is good, then I am good. That is that whole love to be loved to want to be loved.

My last relationship has made me not want to go into another relationship. It was two years since my divorce I was living alone but not happy. I love being in love. I love the idea of being in love. I love when someone loves me. But at some point, I equated sex with love and that is a misconception. You do not have to be in love to have sex. So, after being in this last relationship for six years where he is probably started cheating within the first year, I am just spent. I do not think that I stayed in it because I loved him or was even in love with him, I stayed because I pitied him. There is no reason to be in or stay in a relationship but me being the enabler that I am I made it convenient for him and not for me.

Now after all my relationships probably a solid 30 years’ worth of relationships I am done. I love love but I do not want somebody to be with me for what I can do for them.  I have often tried to figure out what is wrong with me? I am not ugly woman, I am a little bit on the larger side but who does not like fluffy woman? I have a good job, I have my home place, I have my own transportation and I do not have any children at home. I keep a clean house, I am a damn good cook, I am affectionate, fun, lay back, drama free and loyal. I have never had to have anyone that I was dating or married to call looking to see where I am at. When I am in a relationship my relationship, he is in the forefront. I believe part of the problem was that my boyfriend received husband treatment when they should have received temporary circumstances. Why not me? It makes me sad Because I cannot figure out what am I doing wrong. When you go through things like that all your life, looking for love and never finding it, it puts you in a bad headspace.

I know I started out this story by mentioning suicide prevention week, it is sometimes stories like this that leads people to believe that suicide is the answer. I am not currently suicidal, nor do I have suicidal tendencies, but I have wondered before what it would be like if I was not here anymore. I wondered would anybody even care if I was not here anymore? What would the world be like without me?

I love myself; I love my life and I have no plans on doing anything to harm myself. But I do understand where these thoughts come from.

If you feel like suicide is your only way out, you are wrong. Make sure that your circle is strong enough to help you out when you say, “I need help.”  make sure you talk to whoever you need to talk to whether it is family , friends , clergy , a therapist or whoever you need to talk to in order to get the help that you need.  If you feel like there is no one that you can talk to, call the suicide awareness hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

I tell you my story today because my story could just as easy end up needing to make that phone call. It is hard sometimes and sometimes you feel like giving up, but you must find your reason to keep going on. Find your purpose in life, do not rely on anybody else to make you happy but yourself!

You can do this! You are strong, and you will succeed!

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All Things Work Out Well by K. Reshay

All Things Work Out Well by K. Reshay

Have you ever gone to work and thought “I know there is something better out there for me, this can’t be my life!”  That is the sentiment of many who get up to go to work every day.  It only becomes your passion when you are doing something that you love.  Something that you can see change and the benefit in being there.  Something that brings you joy!  If and when we finally get to that point it…

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Scandalous Acts: The Tianna Fox Story(A Christian African American Romance Series Book 1) by Kia Summers

Scandalous Acts: The Tianna Fox Story(A Christian African American Romance Series Book 1) by Kia Summers

Love. Is it something that everyone believes in or is it just a fantasy?  We have all heard of this thing called love but is it real or is it in our mind? Is there such thing as true love? If you have never been in love, how do you know that you are in love? Is it even worth trying to find out about this thing called love? But as the old saying goes Love Never Fails.

Tianna Fox is the owner of…

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Love, Sex and Ink: Season 1: Episode 1 by Keith Kareem Williams

Love, Sex and Ink: Season 1: Episode 1 by Keith Kareem Williams

Love is a strange thing. Love will make you happy, it will make you sad. Love will make you do strange things and act in a way that you never have before nor ever will again. But the main thing is love is powerful. It’s your job is to be very careful with it.

Cole is a simple man. He gets up, goes to work and comes back home. What he didn’t realize was that just the simple act of going…

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The Plus Sized Model and The Billionaire (BBW Desires Book 1) by Samantha Daily

The Plus Sized Model and The Billionaire (BBW Desires Book 1) by Samantha Daily

Differences are what makes us all unique. Differences is what makes us attracted to one another. Differences is also what makes us not like one another. The one thing that can be said is that differences is something that everybody has. What we need to figure out is how to live with our differences.

Lacy Devaul is a rare gem. Lacy works very hard and is good at the job she does, but…

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Her 13th Husband by B.M. Hardin

Her 13th Husband by B.M. Hardin

Marriage.  A lifelong commitment.  A vow between two lovers.  To love, honor and respect until death due us part.  That is a heavy statement for anyone to make one time, but when you make that vow multiple times people start talking.  Are you really marrying for love or is it something else?  How do you know when it’s enough?

Ivy Raye is a simple woman.  She gets up and goes to work and back home…

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From Riches to True Riches by Marie Cathrie Dukes

From Riches to True Riches by Marie Cathrie Dukes

The one thing that we as people forget about when we are having good luck is just as easy as it was for it to come it is just that easy for it to go.  Sometimes it seems like the same people have all of the luck and you can’t never seem to catch a break, but why is that?  It leave you thinking what must I do to get that kind of luck or is that what it is?

Marie Dukes has written an autobiography…

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Sweet Heat ~ The Blue Collar Lover Series (Book 3) by Zuri Day

Sweet Heat ~ The Blue Collar Lover Series (Book 3) by Zuri Day

    Competition is healthy, at least good competition is.  When you have two or more people trying to reach a common goal then as long as no one gets hurt then everything is good.  What happens when signals get crossed and misunderstandings happen? Or better yet lies, rumors and speculations occur, how do you deal with that? Do you deal with it head on or do you walk away and don’t do anything?

N…

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The Test Of Love (The Test Of Time book 2) by Angela Monay

The Test Of Love (The Test Of Time book 2) by Angela Monay

Second chances are a good thing.  If you are allowed a second chance odds are that you just barely missed the mark the first and you are worthy of a do over.  In relationships it is generally a testament of love if a couple gets a second chance.  The key is to learn from the mistakes from the first time around and try not to make them again.  Is this an easy task?  For some it is no problem but…

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The Test Of Time (Book 1) by Angela Monay

The Test Of Time (Book 1) by Angela Monay

Soul mate ~ is there a such thing? You know this person is made just for you and you for them but are they really out there? How do you determine who is your soul mate? Is it in your dreams or do you actually meet them in person? Once you connect with this person, where do you go now? Is it automatic that everything is going to be perfect or do you still have to go through the process of making…

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Stalker by Brenda Hampton

Stalker by Brenda Hampton

When you hear the word stalker you immediately know that there is going to be problems. What causes a person to become a stalker? Basically it is some sort of obsession with a person. But why that particular person? Is it something they said or something they did? Were they extra nice and you took it to mean something else? Is there any way to stop a stalker or do they just stop on their own? Can…

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The Janes by B.M.Hardin

The Janes by B.M.Hardin

There is a saying ~ like minds think alike.  Would it seem correct that friends that hang around each other act similar?  Or even people who have the same name would appear to act alike?  Not so much like twins or triplets but non related people maybe acting like each other, is it because they want to be like that other person?  What are the chances that this can happen?  Is this done on purpose…

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Former First Lady by Ebony Edwards-Ellis

Former First Lady by Ebony Edwards-Ellis

Being in love and being loyal are basically the same thing.  Being faithful to a private person who faithfulness is due.  What would you do for a person that you are in love with?  Are there things that you will do to prove your loyalty?  What are  you willing to sacrifice for the happiness of the person that you love?

Shelley Jane Diggs is an independent woman.  She is a freelance writer, music…